Single Mom Always Seeking Something...
http://singlemomseeking.com/pblog/index.php
SINGLE MOM SEEEKING HAS MOVED... again!
http://singlemomseeking.com/pblog/index.php?entry=entry071214-141947
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]]>How Do You Retreat?
http://singlemomseeking.com/pblog/index.php?entry=entry070830-221337
Peter Ehrlich, founder of Single Parent Love Life, and his son... retreating?
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Thank goodness for my single dad buddies. Like Peter Ehrlich, founder of Single Parent Love Life, whom I emailed recently to tell him that this break-up was kicking my butt.
Often by not trying to find anything
one finds everything
Sometimes the best thing to do is
Retreat
#33 in I Ching
willingly
gratefully
retreat with joy
Say what?
He suggested that I get myself The I. Ching Workbook, so I ordered a used copy from Powell's. It arrived today, and guess what? Some other soul, in 1987 (two decades ago!), already filled out the journal in the back.
It looks like a woman's handwriting. She asks in red pen: "How should I proceed to free myself from guilt, pain, and anguish?"
Amen.
]]>What's on Your To Do List?
http://singlemomseeking.com/pblog/index.php?entry=entry070830-104139
This is today's "To Do" List, part of which is presently taped to my door:
1. Mae's friend arrives at 9 a.m. for play date (note: please, please don't fight)
2. Drop off overdue 2nd grade forms at Mae's school (note: still trying to figure out how to answer teacher's question re: "Are there any recent adjustments in your child's life…?" Uh, yes, Mom moved the Kid into Boyfriend's home, and now Mom and Boyfriend have split up and are not speaking to each other. Mom and Kid moved out in April. Kid seems to be doing just fine. Mom is still healing.)
3. Turn in 20+ pages to Scott Foresman for textbook
4. Go to Long's for Mae's school supplies
5. Post new blog
6. Send in rent check
7. Send in rebate for new cell phone (old one broke, and no, it was not from dropping it)
8. Take Mae to swim lessons
9. 2nd friend over for play date and dinner, during which Mom might have half-a-glass of wine
]]>Celebrity Single Moms… Dating Again?
http://singlemomseeking.com/pblog/index.php?entry=entry070830-090443
That's because the 28-year-old actress talked about dating as a single mom in Harper's Bazaar September issue:
"Dating becomes very different.You realize after you have had children that you'll never love anything more than your child. ... So it makes the new sort of single-mom dating process very different. It's like growing up. It's adult.
Thanks Kate for keeping it real!
Kate was recently caught making out with rumored beau Dax Shepard, now that her relationships with husband Chris Robinson and ex-boyfriend Owen Wilson are behind her. The two were on a trip with Kate's son...]]>Favorite Single Mama Bloggers
http://singlemomseeking.com/pblog/index.php?entry=entry070830-083513
Here's a short list of my favs:
Reading this book is really glancing into the journal of a determined, go-getting beautiful woman on her way to becoming a single mom.
I had the chance to meet Malonda in NYC when I was there this year on book tour. We chatted about our girls, recited our relationship histories... and, of course, laughed!
Malonda's tell-it-like-it-is narrative of motherhood and relationships will have you riveted. This book will get every single mother to hold her head high, no matter how intense life gets.
One of the best parts of the book is Malonda's Pregnancy Portraits. Check this out:
]]>What Are Your Red Flags?
http://singlemomseeking.com/pblog/index.php?entry=entry070830-080430
Tell me: when it comes to dating, what are you absolute about? I've started to make a list:
* He doesn't like kids. (Duh!)
* He's separated from his wife, but not divorced (yet).
* He smokes. I've had men ask me, "Do you just mean tobacco?" No, dude, I mean anything you light up.
Another reader has already added a few great ones:
he doesn't have a job, he parties often, he's sneaky, he plays video games all the time.
You'll probably inspire me to add a few more red flags to my own. ]]>Single Moms on the Today Show!
http://singlemomseeking.com/pblog/index.php?entry=entry070828-075307
Did you know that unmarried women are now responsible for a whopping 36% of all births?
Are you one of them?
Today (Tuesday, August 28), parenting experts on The Today Show will be discussing the just-released survey of over 14,000 wed and unwed moms. (The article will appear this month in Babytalk magazine.)
This means that nearly four out of ten moms are "single parents."
I'm thrilled that the positive aspects of single parenting are making their way into mainstream media -- aren't you?
]]>Brace Yourself
http://singlemomseeking.com/pblog/index.php?entry=entry070827-171652
Brace yourself, Rachel.
Today is the Israeli's 46th birthday. But I'm not going to call him because he has asked me not to contact him again. We haven't exactly been friends since we split up in April, but when my break up column ran in J Weekly this month, that was the end. (It was also the column in which I resigned.)
I know that this column was way too harsh. I'm sorry. I hurt him. I sent him an apology and cc-ed it to his friends who had set us up: "I'm sorry, I wrote this from a very hurt place, That column probably should not have run. Yes, relationships, even if between two good people, do not always work. Yes, it was hard for me to accept this. I'm sorry that I hurt you…"
But the door is closed, he says. (Actually, what he said was, "You're evil.") He says that he wants nothing to do with me. Or with Mae.
How do you deal when the door is closed?
]]>How Do You Deal With Loss?
http://singlemomseeking.com/pblog/index.php?entry=entry070826-075048
Elayne Savage, Queen of Rejection
Dealing with loss and abandonment seems to be a common theme in my life. I hesitate to call it my karma. But the other morning, as some old feelings were resurfacing again, this landed in my Inbox: "Dumped! - Dealing with Loss and Abandonment."
I've always been a big fan of Elayne Savage, psychotherapist and author, otherwise known as "Queen of Rejection."
And her tips were just the right remedy I needed the other morning:
"Losses come in all shapes and sizes," Savage writes. Some examples are:
There are other losses as well:
- Loss of support
- Loss of respect
- Loss of health
- Loss of professional identity
"There's a different kind of loss in the sadness we feel in a breakup of a relationship," says Savage. "All the energy that we put into anticipation of a future with that person is gone – poof. We find ourselves experiencing a huge loss: a loss of what might have been. It leaves a big space in there."
Fortunately Savage offers some ways to put your losses in perspective:
• Give a voice to your feelings.
• Give yourself permission to be sad or angry (or even relieved.)
• Yes, you can actually speak to and calm the fears of that part of you that is the most upset—that child part of you
• Can visualize a container in which to keep your fears of loss and abandonment? What does it look like?
• Find some creative ways to make your losses real and grieve them.
Tell me: How do you deal with loss? Or abandonment? Please share. ]]>Single and Proud
http://singlemomseeking.com/pblog/index.php?entry=entry070825-080106
As you know -- or might not know -- I've been officially single again for four months now. The Ex-Boyfriend and I called it quits, and as you might have read, it hasn't been easy.
So, imagine my surprise one foggy morning when I went to my Post Office box and found a Singelringen inside. I put it right on. Cool, this was just I needed.
A Singelringen, you ask? Well, I certainly don't have a marriage ring, or an engagement ring ..... But I do have a Singelringen.
Currently over 120,000 singles in over 20 countries around the world wear the sterling silver Singelringen. (I'm keeping my eyes out for them.) Singelringen founder, Johan Wahlbäck introduced Singelringen in Scandinavia in April, 2005. Hey, Naomi Campbell is wearing one!
Tell me: do you have a way of showing the world that you're single? Please share.
]]>We Will Miss You Grace
http://singlemomseeking.com/pblog/index.php?entry=entry070824-123534
Grace Paley, died on Wednesday.
Paley (born 1922) is best known for her three collections of short stories, "The Little Disturbances of Man" (1959), "Enormous Changes at the Last Minute" (1974), and "Later the Same Day" (1985). As long as she has been a writer, Paley had also been an activist, supporting various anti-war, anti-nuclear, and feminist movements.
Paley was perhaps the first writer to explore, with gritty realism, the lives and experiences of divorced mothers. (She was the divorced mom of two children; she remarried.)
Thank you Grace.
If you're a Grace Paley fan, please let us know what you loved about her!
Photo courtesy of Toby Talbot/Associated Press
]]>Want a Dose of Single Mom Dating Advice with Your LifetimeTV?
http://singlemomseeking.com/pblog/index.php?entry=entry070803-094108
Then check out yours truly on today's spankin' new LifetimeTV.com.
As I take a dip into the dating world again as a single mom, I‘d love to guide you along your way too, even though that means my laundry will remain unfolded and I may never get around to bringing my car in for a tune-up.
Do tell! If you could get one tip about dating as a single parent, what would it be? Send in your questions!
Read the full column here... and let me know what YOU'D like to read more about!
P.S.
Remember folks: I did NOT have another baby! This was a photo stint with a "borrowed" baby and the photographer's guy friends (both are married, by the way). Photo courtesy of the amazing Craig Merrill.
]]>What are 5 Things You Should Know About Dating…With A Child?
http://singlemomseeking.com/pblog/index.php?entry=entry070802-132501
Keeping the Kids Out of It is a given, right?...
And please let me know if there's anything else I should post here about Dating... With a Child!!
]]>Are You and Your Ex Arguing About Visits and Plans?
http://singlemomseeking.com/pblog/index.php?entry=entry070802-130836
Rob Jenkins is on the ball about planning with his ex...
I love it when I get a random email from a divorced/single parent out there, and it's so brilliant that I have to blog about it:
Rob Jenkins, a 37-year-old network security consultant and divorced father of two in West Virginia, wrote to me yesterday about the challenges he and his ex-wife were having around planning activities, visits, etc. with their children.
"I went through a divorce about a year ago, and I have two wonderful children with my ex. All of a sudden I felt like I was cut out of the loop when it came to things that were happening in my kids' lives.
Before I moved out, we had a calendar on the fridge that had all of the upcoming events and appointments posted on it. Seeking to replace that, I built a web site for my ex and me to use."
Rob adds: "The site really helps keep arguments down since we don't have to talk to each other so much."
Bravo Rob.... Parents, what are you waiting for?
Do tell me if you're putting this to use, okay?]]>Are You Going Through a Divorce?
http://singlemomseeking.com/pblog/index.php?entry=entry070731-141400
The savvy Helene Taylor...
If you're in the middle of a divorce and need some online support, I highly recommend checking out The Modern Woman's Divorce Guide.
Having met the site's founder, Helene Taylor, in person (we both live in Northern California and crossed paths at a recent book reading), I can attest to how on-the-ball and savvy she is.
The Modern Woman's Divorce Guide is packed with tips and support to empower women going through a divorce. A lawyer and divorcee herself, Helene has litigated issues related to child custody, child support, spousal support, prenuptial agreements, property division, paternity and more.
And if your divorced papers have been signed and you're ready to hit the dating road, I suggest that you read Dating After Divorce"How to Avoid Making The Same Mistakes With A New Man."
]]>"The dating game…"
http://singlemomseeking.com/pblog/index.php?entry=entry070730-113721
If you have not yet read one of my all-time favorite bloggers, SOLO MOTHER -- a.k.a, Christina, mother to the four-year-old "King of Everything" -- now is the time to do so.
In her post today, Christina -- who is mothering solo on the East Coast, with her ex-husband across the globe -- tackles what it means to date again as a single mom.
"What is it with dating?" Christina writes. "According to the online dating sites, we’re all healthy, happy, well adjusted men and women who love our jobs, travel the world, save small animals from extinction and take out the trash faithfully on Tuesdays. We’re good listeners, great cuddlers, and play nicely with others.
If we’re all so damned fantastic, why are we all single?
What about the real details, like how he leaves his underwear in every room of the house, or how she stands in the bedroom doorway talking to you while she flosses her teeth? What about the fetishes, the tantrums, the self-absorption, long work hours, nasty exes, never ending home renovation, snoring, listening- challenged faults and traits we’re all trying so hard to hide?
I’ve had it with dating. It’s just too hard."
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If you're right there with SOLO MOTHER -- boy, do I get it -- then be sure to read her full blog today about first dates, second dates... a possible policeman papa, and more!
]]>Ready . . . Set . . .Date?
http://singlemomseeking.com/pblog/index.php?entry=entry070728-084043
Dr. Klungness and yours truly about to give some dating tips to single moms at a recent conference
If you're not sure... check out what my colleague and super single mom author Leah Klungness -- she wrote the best-selling The Complete Single Mother -- says in Newsday.
After years of marriage and perhaps unhappily so, being single again can be an exhilarating, yet frightening notion... eventually you’ll ask yourself the following: Am I ready to date?... But how to know if you’re indeed ready?
When you consider dating, do you think: “I want to get out there” or “I should get out there?” If the answer is the latter, that’s a clear red flag that you’re not yet ready.
“Emotional readiness for dating doesn’t happen magically because the final divorce papers have been signed,” says Leah Klungness, a Locust Valley psychologist and author of The Complete Single Mother....
“People who are ready to date post-divorce typically feel upbeat, optimistic and confident,” adds Klungness.
After you read the full article -- by single parent Claudia Gryvatz Copquin -- here, please write in to tell me:
How did YOU know that you were ready to date again?
