Is this drama confusing you as much as it’s confusing me? Thank goodness that single mom expert Dr. Leah Klungness is here today to straighten me — and you — out when it comes to the details. I’ve been getting lost.

“The Christie Brinkley/ Peter Cook divorce trial is a scorcher,” says Dr. Leah, co-author of The Complete Single Mother: Reassuring Answers to Your Most Challenging Concerns.

“At stake is the custody of the couple’s two children: Jack Paris, 13, whom she had with third hubby Richard Taubman and was adopted by Peter Cook; and their child Sailor Lee, 10. Christie also has a daughter, Alexa Ray, 22, with pop star Billy Joel.”

The first day of their divorce trial, according to the New York Post, Cook was said “to have a $3,000-a-month online porn habit.” Cook, 49, also had an affair with a then 18-year-old.

“At Christie’s insistence — some say it’s motivated by revenge — the proceedings are public so no sordid detail has escaped media scrutiny,” adds Dr. Leah. “The trial is slated to go on for the next two weeks with both sides expressing confidence that they have the upper hand in this nasty battle.”

Dr. Leah says: “In fairness, we have not heard from the court-appointed psychiatrist who interviewed all the parties nor from all the witnesses yet to be called. More gritty disclosures seem inevitable.”

“The two are fighting tooth and nail for custody of their kids,” according to the New York Post. “Currently, Cook only sees them on Wednesdays and ever other weekend.”

But when is enough enough?

“What about the kids?” asks Dr. Leah.

“I’ve always advised against badmouthing the other parent since kids quickly figure out that they are biologically half the other parent. Do we really want our kids questioning themselves, thinking they might be half a liar or half a cheat or — or worse, if one of their parents is labeled as such?”

“Our kids’ relationship with the other parent is separate from our relationship with this person who has probably keenly disappointed us. What is gained by destroying the love or trust that our kids hold for a “forever’ person in their lives?”

“Most importantly, what effect, if any, do you think all this information going public will have on Jack and Sailor?”

Let’s hear it from you, single parents out there on the front lines. Speak up.

Photo of Christie and her son, Jack, from PRphotos.com

Alaina traveled all the way from Ohio, and Morgan came down from Portland, Oregon. Welcome to the Bay Area, single moms!

Photos of Single Mom Seeking, Ms. Single Mama, and Morgan from iheartsingleparents

Technorati Profile

When I first put myself online, this is how I started off my Match.com profile:

“Are you honest, with a big heart, and no addictions?”

Can you tell that I’ve had some lousy history with at least one dishonest man struggling with an addiction? (Yes, I take responsibility for choosing ‘em.)

After spending a couple of intense years working on my co-dependency issues — and learning the ropes of single motherhood — I was ready to weed out the “bad” ones from the start.

I went on to describe myself: “Warm, generous single mom seeking respectful, cooperative man with both feet on the ground who dreams big.”

What do you think? Is it too defensive? Intimidating? Corny? Mushy?

Now matter how you introduce yourself — online or in person — the first line that comes out of your mouth makes the biggest impression. Whenever I read those online profiles that begin with “Let’s see now, where do I begin?” or “I really hate filling this out–” my eyes glaze over. Do yours?

Where’s his imagination? Where’s his passion?

My friend Craig Harrison runs his entire business around making a great first impression. The next time you introduce yourself to someone, notice how straightforward, positive, and inviting you are.

If you had one line to introduce yourself, what would it be?

Which adjectives and verbs describe how unique you are? What do you love to do? What makes your heart race? Start with this: “I am a __________.”

I want to hear it. How would you introduce yourself in one line? Remember: one line.

Photo taken during an attempt to get just one “glamour” shot for my Match.com profile. It never happened. You can see why this one went into my “online duds” folder. No, I would NOT put my kid in an online dating profile. I hope you wouldn’t either. This shot was taken by a friend, in the midst of it all…

Actually, her exact words are: “You love your computer more than you love me.”

I’ve asked Mae if she had any ideas, so I can pull myself away from this machine for some more cuddle time. “Let’s make a video, Mommy. I’ll ask–”

P.S. Before you wonder if my kid has an upcoming dentist appointment, yes, she does. Before you guilt-trip me (I do it enough to myself, thank you), she brushes at least twice a day and flosses every night.

If you could have one dream advertiser here — with monthly giveaways to all of you, who would it be?

We all know that Mae would choose Mike and Ike candy.

And you?… Your local spa? Godiva chocolate? Royal Caribbean Cruises?

Who knew that my post, “Do you always use a condom?“, would be one of the most popular ever? I’d like to thank all of you for your oh-so-honest thoughts on this uh, touchy, issue.

Andrea says that since her divorce, she has always asked men to play it safe, and they have: “Seriously? Asking you to risk your life and your future because it’s not as much fun for them?”

Little Man’s Mom agrees, saying that all it takes for her to be safe is a scary thought “of contracting something like AIDS and having my son standing my my bedside in the hospital frightens me, especially if it was preventable.”

Let’s keep the conversation going. There are more condoms than ever out there… how freakin’ exciting! (Even a Trojan Vibrating Ring condom? Hello!)

Tell us what your favorite kind of condom is — and why.

ONE Condoms has offered to give away condoms to three lucky winners. ONE Condoms are “made with Sensatex, a safer, smoother, clearer, and purer form of latex.”

The top winner will get a 12-pack of Glowing Pleasures, “one to light the way. Expose this condom to the light for 30 seconds for up to 30 minutes of glowing fun!”

There will be two runner ups. A “ONE” 3-pack will be delivered to each winner:

• Pride Pack are “Strong yet Sensitive - A Condom for the Rest of Us.”

• Mixed Pleasures includes “Super Sensitive, 576 Sensations, Pleasure Dome, Color Sensations and Glowing Pleasures.”

As for me, I love any of the “Her Pleasure/Her Sensation” brands… I think it’s evident why.

P.S. Don’t forgot to put a dab of (condom-safe) lube in the end of the condom. Here’s to pumping up the pleasure…. and the safe sex.

Your turn! What’s your favorite condom out there? Why?

Many of you got a glimpse of the entry I posted a last week, called “Anger, Relief” — which I promptly deleted.

It described what happened last week, when a man with a gun slipped inside the home of one of my best friends, a single mom, and tried to rape her.

I wrote that post from such a raw, shaken place that I had to delete it. I needed to calm down. But I’m not very calm right now, in light of this morning’s U.S. Supreme Court ruling to overturn a ban on handguns.

My friend — who lives in a comfortable, family-friendly neighborhood — left her door open the other morning to wait for a play date that was due any minute. She was in the kitchen having a snack with her boyfriend and daughter.

This is when the man must have slipped into their home. It was her daughter who said, “Mommy, someone just came inside.”

My friend got up and walked around the corner, into her bedroom, where a tall man was pointing a gun at her. He’d been hiding. He was wearing a mask over his face.

Her boyfriend and daughter came out of the kitchen, wondering what was going on. The man ordered them to get down on the floor. He threatened to kill my friend and ordered her to cover them with a sheet.

Then he led my friend into her daughter’s room, and attempted to rape her. People have asked her she knew him, if she recognized anything about him. No, no. This was a random act of violence.

At one point, he held the gun in her mouth. Then he ordered her to turn around and face the wall — there was a split second when she didn’t see the gun.

This is when she swung around and pushed him as hard as she could.

She ran out of the room, pulled the door shut and yelled for her boyfriend and daughter to run. After hearing them run away, she ran after them.

She got away. Unfortunately, this man got away, too.

What matters right now, at this moment, is that my friend saved everyone. She saved her daughter, her boyfriend, and herself. She is my hero. She is your hero, too.

~~~

This morning, after dropping Mae off at camp, I was listening to NPR on the radio: the Supreme Court has ruled that Americans have a right to own guns for self-defense and hunting.

Say what?

In other words, gun ownership is now an individual right. If you want a gun, go ahead and get one. The judges just made it easier than ever.

Mayor Daley of Chicago denounced the Supreme Court ruling as a “frightening decision” and a “return to the days of the Wild West.”

D.C. Mayor Adrian M. Fenty expressed disappointment today with the Supreme Court’s decision striking down the city’s gun law, warning that, “More handguns will lead to more handgun violence.”

What happened to feeling safe and sound, for real?

As a single mom, I want to shield myself from feeling vulnerable. Let this haven be stronger than I can ever imagine, let me be able to walk into the sun with my child and not get burned. Same goes for all of you.

Photo by Mohammad Jobaed Adnan

Or maybe it’s because there’s a Capricorn moon with Saturn in Virgo.

All I know is, there’s a comment awaiting moderation right now in response to my post about “Kate Hudson: “Boys, Meet My Son.”

The comment, however, has nothing to do with Kate Hudson or her son. It was sent by Mae’s father, from Ireland. He goes by the user name “Cupid Zen.” (Oh, the irony!)

I can’t remember the last time I heard from him. It has been more than a year for sure. The comment says, simply:

“Happy B Day Big Girl”

I’m assuming that the “Big Girl” he refers to is Mae, but her birthday was way back in April.

Perhaps the “Big Girl” is yours truly, but my birthday is towards the end of July. (And, am I really a Big Girl? I thought I was a woman.)

I haven’t responded yet. Should I?

P.S. Oh, and don’t even get me started about that cute, sweet not-yet-divorced dad who recently asked me out. I told him flat out that I’d love to hang out “as friends,” explaining that I’ve learned the hard way not to date men who are in the throes of a painful, bitter break-up.

My experience with not-yet-divorced men has led me to believe that they should either:

1. Not date because they are simply avoiding reality by diving into a new fling;

Or, 2. Date “recreationally,” for fun, because it’s so darn exciting to get back out there, but they’re too confused to be present for a real relationship.

So, we met a couple of times and had some insightful, open conversations. I thought we were off to a genuine friendship, it felt right. Then, without saying a word, he decided on the sly that he’d pursue a friend of mine. Maybe it’s a hunter man-thing I’ll never understand. What happened to good ol’ honesty?

If a guy is leaving sweet, flattering messages for both women, back to back… well, what was he thinking? Women talk, especially smart, honest ones. My girlfriend had the wits to call me and give me the scoop.

See what I mean by confused men?

Photo by Staci Becker

Perhaps your your beloved babysitter has packed up her dorm room and headed home a thousand miles away. Or maybe you still haven’t found a trusted sitter (yet).

Sittercity.com is offering a deal to you, the readers at Single Mom Seeking.

Tell us why you are you the single parent who really needs a sitter right now..

Sittercity.com will give ONE single mom a free year-long membership!

Note: The membership fees will be waved, but you’ll still need to pay your sitter. The advantage is that SitterCity.com is an an affordable network of babysitters and nannies with online profiles (not cryptic nonsense you might see on online dating sites!).

Sittercity has a four-step screening process and comprehensive sitter profiles that come with:
Background checks
Feedback and reviews from other moms
References and resumes
Availability schedules
Photos and videos
Training and certifications

With more than 40 search criteria, you can also customize your search to find a local sitter who has, say, six years experience, fluency in French, CPR training and her own car.

To see how many sitters are near you, visit Sittercity.com and enter your ZIP code in the search field to scope out the options before you sign up.

Your turn: Why do YOU need a sitter this summer?

I know Wendy in person and she’s just as hot, genuine, and honest in person as she is in her book. No, she’s not a single mom. Yes, she is so open and revealing about life and love — that I had to have her on the blog. You’ll see why.

While dating, in hopes of finding a parter, Wendy keeps falling into manholes. (Sound familiar?) After losing herself in an endless series of attachments, she comes to see how her relationships with men are emblematic of all of her relationships — with alcohol, food, drugs, family, friends and, most of all, herself. (Still sound familiar?)

Falling into Manholes is about looking for love in all the wrong places — and then finding yourself. I laughed and cried. I especially related to the bad girl/good girl paradox that Wendy describes oh-so-honestly.

Q: You write in Falling into Manholes that “if these men were all mirrors, what did that say about me?” “Do you think that the men we choose are mirrors of who we really are?

Wendy: “You know the saying “Water seeks its own level?” It seems that as long as I have been unwilling or unable to look directly at my own issues, I’ve always drawn men into my life that would somehow mirror those issues back at me.

When I drank, I picked men that drank more than me so that I could focus on their drinking and not my own. This is a very codependent trait: focusing on others problems instead of my own. After I stopped drinking (19 years ago), my codependency issues ramped up even more (like dishonesty with myself, denying my own wants and needs, focusing on pleasing others in order to get what I wanted, and so on!) which is at the heart of my love addiction.

This played out with the men that I dated. Big fun!”

Q: You write about how one boyfriend wouldn’t kiss — but he held you. That’s what “hooked” you. I really get it. I don’t know if being held goes way back in my psyche, to early abandonment… but it’s a hook for me, too.

Wendy: “My girlfriend Kaye said something really funny the other day. ‘I could never date a suicide bomber, because of my abandonment issues!’ She was totally serious!

But yeah, the answer for me comes in complete and radical self acceptance… When someone leaves, it’s not about me, but I make it about me and then I get to relive all my past trauma. I am definitely a post traumatic stress survivor.”

Q: You write that “In my mind, sex would lead to happiness.” How many times have I believed one? My last sexual experience led to a kidney infection…

Wendy: “Dating a sex addict sort of cured me of that, at least conceptually! I had four UTIs in as many months with that guy. My body is so much smarter than me!

This is not to say that I don’t want a sex life, but now my mantra is “Love (and sex) is a thoughtful and committed decision, not a feeling by which I am overwhelmed.”

Your turn:
How has your most recent relationship been a mirror of you? What did this relationship reflect back to you? Did you have to stand there and stare for a long, long time until you saw it?

That’s when MomLogic emailed to ask for my take on “Kate Hudson: Boys, Meet My Son.”

There’s nothing like a little fire under your tush to get you thinking. Please get the full lowdown about Kate and her men here.

In short, do you think it’s a big deal that Kate Hudson has introduced her boyfriends to her son, Ryder? (In case you forgot, the dudes are Dax Shephard, Owen Wilson, and most recently, Lance Armstrong.)

Don’t get me wrong: I’m not advocating that single moms introduce a string of boyfriends to their kids. Or even just one little boyfriend. Instead, I think there’s a double standard that single moms face:

“This is what irks me: We criticize celebrity single moms like Kate Hudson for dating again, and finding love, but how about the celebrity single dads?”

“Who’s keeping them in check?”

Go ahead and chime in at MomLogic now. For example, do you agree with this commenter?

“What is she supposed to do? Sit home and twirl her thumbs? She’s a beautiful and successful woman who clearly doesn’t need a man. And her son’s father is in the picture, so I’m not sure why this is a relevant issue in the first place.”

I agree.

Photo of Kate Hudson from PRphotos.com