Update: TLC has changed its schedule : Must Love Kids’ Publicity Director just emailed me to say the show now airs on Saturdays at Noon.

I agree with the comments here: no single parents I know watch TV on Saturday afternoons!

TLC, moving the show to a weekend afternoon will NOT bring any viewers! Why did you change the time? You were just gaining so many followers!

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Must Love Kids follows three single mothers on their quest to find love. When Kristin commented on my blog recently, I followed up and asked if she’d agree to an interview. She said “yes”!

Get this: Must Love Kids found 33-year-old Kristin through her local Meetup group for single parents!

Kristin — a patent agent and mother of three kids — says that she’d joined Meetup “so I could go on some weekend outings with other single parents and show my kids that our lives aren’t that far from the norm.”

Although Kristin is now a national celebrity, what we mostly talked about was the fact that she really misses her kids right now. She’s incredibly sweet! As you’ll see, they’re on a trip with their dad this week–

During Episode 2, the moms met their “suitors” for a group day trip. Kristin got to go to the beach with “her bachelors,” in order to decide whom she wants to move forward with and who to let go.

Q: How did it feel to go on a group date with all those guys? What pressure! You seem so poised and natural.

Kristin: “The idea of a group date scared me. It wasn’t until we were sitting eating dinner on the first night, with six attentive men hanging on my every word, that I realized just how much harder dating would be in this situation. The added complexities of cameras were obvious, but what I hadn’t taken into consideration was that the difficulty of gauging each man’s sincerity had just gotten a million times more difficult. I caught myself thinking several times that I was now in a situation where these men were supposed to want to get to know me. They were almost obligated – at least for a few weeks!”

At the end of the day, only four hopefuls were left: David, Jason, Chris, and Luke. Then, last week, Kristin went on her first formal dates with Luke and David. This is also when the men got to meet Kristin’s children. What did you explain to your kids about these guys coming over to pick you up?

Kristin: “I didn’t do a lot of dating before the show. When I did have a date, I would try to schedule it after the kids were asleep. I’d let the kids know when I put them to bed that I would be going out and that grandma would be here if they needed anything… If they had more questions — say, about whom I was meeting — we’d discuss it further. But usually we just left it at that. I haven’t made it a practice of introducing people I date to my children unless there’s something more serious developing.”

Q: So, being on the show was a big transition for you and your kids?

Kristin: “Yes. I decided to take a chance and try something very different from our every day lives just for a few weeks, but my kids, mom, and I still handled it in much the same way. I would tell my kids where I was going, and with whom. My mom would stay with them.”

So, Luke — a father of two who’s in the U.S. Navy — came to pick up Kristin. Her daughter said about Luke, “His tattoos are cool.” Kristin and Luke went kayaking together, and then chatted about Disney on Ice over dinner.

When David – also a father of two — arrived, he was not empty-handed: he had a huge box of pastries for Kristin’s kids. (It was really cute when Kristin exclaimed, “Holy Toledo!”)

He brought a Boggle game to the restaurant! “David plays every single day,” Kristin says. “After stumbling through, I proudly kept up with him.”

Q: Lastly, your ex isn’t mentioned… Is he in the picture?

Kristin: “At the moment, my ex is in Wisconsin, visiting his parents with the kids. I’m missing them terribly! But I’m also so grateful that they have this time with him and that he is still in the picture. He lives on the opposite coast, so the kids are with me full time. However he tries to visit them once a month for a weekend.”

Your turn! Is there anything you’re dying to ask Kristin? Go ahead! Kristin is game for answering your questions.

Don’t be shy!

Top photo of Kristin; bottom photo of Kristin on group date. Courtesy of TLC

I know Wendy in person and she’s just as hot, genuine, and honest in person as she is in her book. No, she’s not a single mom. Yes, she is so open and revealing about life and love — that I had to have her on the blog. You’ll see why.

While dating, in hopes of finding a parter, Wendy keeps falling into manholes. (Sound familiar?) After losing herself in an endless series of attachments, she comes to see how her relationships with men are emblematic of all of her relationships — with alcohol, food, drugs, family, friends and, most of all, herself. (Still sound familiar?)

Falling into Manholes is about looking for love in all the wrong places — and then finding yourself. I laughed and cried. I especially related to the bad girl/good girl paradox that Wendy describes oh-so-honestly.

Q: You write in Falling into Manholes that “if these men were all mirrors, what did that say about me?” “Do you think that the men we choose are mirrors of who we really are?

Wendy: “You know the saying “Water seeks its own level?” It seems that as long as I have been unwilling or unable to look directly at my own issues, I’ve always drawn men into my life that would somehow mirror those issues back at me.

When I drank, I picked men that drank more than me so that I could focus on their drinking and not my own. This is a very codependent trait: focusing on others problems instead of my own. After I stopped drinking (19 years ago), my codependency issues ramped up even more (like dishonesty with myself, denying my own wants and needs, focusing on pleasing others in order to get what I wanted, and so on!) which is at the heart of my love addiction.

This played out with the men that I dated. Big fun!”

Q: You write about how one boyfriend wouldn’t kiss — but he held you. That’s what “hooked” you. I really get it. I don’t know if being held goes way back in my psyche, to early abandonment… but it’s a hook for me, too.

Wendy: “My girlfriend Kaye said something really funny the other day. ‘I could never date a suicide bomber, because of my abandonment issues!’ She was totally serious!

But yeah, the answer for me comes in complete and radical self acceptance… When someone leaves, it’s not about me, but I make it about me and then I get to relive all my past trauma. I am definitely a post traumatic stress survivor.”

Q: You write that “In my mind, sex would lead to happiness.” How many times have I believed one? My last sexual experience led to a kidney infection…

Wendy: “Dating a sex addict sort of cured me of that, at least conceptually! I had four UTIs in as many months with that guy. My body is so much smarter than me!

This is not to say that I don’t want a sex life, but now my mantra is “Love (and sex) is a thoughtful and committed decision, not a feeling by which I am overwhelmed.”

Your turn:
How has your most recent relationship been a mirror of you? What did this relationship reflect back to you? Did you have to stand there and stare for a long, long time until you saw it?

Update: One of my single mom friends pointed out that I seem SO congratulatory here. In no way am I advocating teen pregnancy. I’m all for sex-ed and birth control. I think that waiting until you have a baby — until you’re in a solid relationship, with a solid career, and of course, a solid head on your shoulders — is ideal.

In this situation, Jamie Lynn Spears decided to have her baby. We can continue to scorn her… or, at this point, we can support her.

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Dear Jamie Lynn,

Congratulations! Welcome to the world, little Maddie Briann (I love the name you picked!). I can’t wait to see those first baby pics.

I wish you and fiancé Casey Aldridge lots of rest, good food and warmth right now. I know it’s none of my beeswax, but I think it was very smart of you not to marry Casey just yet. I mean that sincerely. Take the time to see how you well you two communicate — and love each other. Having a baby is the ultimate test to a relationship.

As you settle into your three-bedroom home in Mississippi, I hope he refills your water glass plenty — and brings you trays of cut-up fruit and veggies, with bite-sized meat sandwiches. If I can recommend one book to read those first couple of weeks, it’s Anne Lamott’s Operating Instructions.

If you haven’t checked out Ellie’s blog — Confessions of a YP – add it to your Bookmarks ASAP.

Like you, Ellie is a 17-year-old new mama. She has a beautiful daughter, too: Telesa.

Like you, Ellie has faced the judgment and “the looks.” While raising her baby girl alone, this super mom is finishing high school — she’s in summer school right now. Listen to Ellie’s schedule for the fall: Biology, Two Classes in Principles, Geology, English, Chemistry, Physics, Social Studies. Impressive.

P.S. Jamie, about passing that GED exam recently, you go girl!

Your turn: Let’s hear your advice for new mama Jamie Lynn. Any tips for her these first few months? Any advice about her relationship with Casey?

Photo from PRphotos.com

I don’t know if anyone here read the recent Modern Love College Essay Runner-Up about, “Why Spoil Great Sex by Dating?” (thanks for sending this one, Dr. Leah!).

Joel Walkowski, a senior at the University of Southern California, writes that:

“We might dally in the land of easy sex and stilted text-message flirtation, but deep down we crave the warm embrace of all-consuming love.”

“Out of fear, we shrink ourselves,” he says. “There have been many times I should have cried but stifled the tears. Instances where I should have said, ‘I love you’ but made a joke instead.”

As a single parent, especially, falling in love can be so scary. What if you get hurt? What if you fall so deeply that you can’t remember your way home?

Although Joel is a college senior — not a single parent — his words really resonated with me: “But I do occasionally wonder: If we can’t get past ourselves and learn to sacrifice to be with another, then what is in store?...An era of loneliness filled with commercial wants and mate selection based on the shallowest of criteria?”

Dad’s House writes about loneliness and single parents today, saying that while booty calls meet, uh, certain needs, “infusing unconditional love into an intimate relationship – for me, that’s the missing link.”

I also love this older post by divorced mom Kat Wilder, who writes about how much it hurts to fall in love — and then walk away from it.

Have you ever longed to feel close to someone — to feel that rush of pleasure that comes with touching — that you got lost? I have.

I’ve also thought that sex would lead to happiness and fulfillment. Have you?

Photo by antiform

First, thank you! I felt the warmth that you sent my way. I’m sucker for words, and I really appreciated yours.

The antibiotics have kicked this infection — and they’ve kicked me in the butt, too. I’m tired, but here I am!

In honor of Babeland’s Sexy Mama event, I’m giving away the final prize of the month: Babeland Bath Fizzies. So, go ahead and comment this week!

The big juicy question is:

Has motherhood made you feel sexier?

How did your sexual self image change when you became a mother?

I’m feeling quite unsexy at the moment. A fever is not a turn-on.

But seriously, it was motherhood that made me feel the sexiest I’ve ever felt in my life. After those first three months of morning sickness passed, I was in my power. Sure, I’d fretted about how childbirth might stretch me out — and stretch marks? help! — but after having a baby, I was in awe of what my body had done.

For the first time ever, I let go of all of my insecurities. Since becoming a mom, I’ve wanted to have sex in the daylight. I’ve wanted to have sex with the lights on. And my stretch marks? Who cares?

As Urban Gypsy says this month:

“Look in the mirror and for once don’t allow yourself to be obsessed with what you don’t like, find what you love (everyone out there has at least one spectacular feature) and play it up. Think of what makes you special and what features are outstanding when you feel insecure. Your flaws are part of what is special about you: the stretch marks that run across your belly from being pregnant are a map of your history… Everyone is flawed. And I’m thankful for that. Perfection would be so bland.”

How has motherhood made you feel sexier?

How do your “flaws” make you special?

P.S. The winner of the Rub My Duckie vibrator is Kelly, who said, “My sex life these days revolves around a half-broken toy.” Congrats!

Please check out Storked to today read my advice to Chrissy. Let me know what you think! And I’m thrilled to give you a sneak peak of Chrissy’s recent email to me:

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I was so excited to see Rachel had stopped by Storked.. I love meeting single moms and more so, single, dating moms (so, come visit me at Glamour)… here’s my story.

At 26, I found myself in a fresh relationship–and pregnant.

Nope, I’m not part of the 1% of pill users that get pregnant. The condom did not break. We did not miscalculate the rhythm method. We had unprotected sex. The consequence is real. I’ve always wanted to be a mom. Although I might be considered “young” in some circles, I knew that I wanted to raise this baby.

Three months into gestation, my boyfriend decided that fatherhood wasn’t on his agenda. I am not bitter now– although I was. The truth is, I did not love this guy. We acted on impulse. It was not responsible. Friends joke, I’m the real Knocked Up per the blockbuster hit starring Emmy Winner, Katherine Heigl and I guess I am. So what!

My little guy’s name is Jack Domenic and he is one month old. He’s currently swaddled in my right arm. I am typing with one finger. His pacifier fell on the floor. The tears should start up in T-two seconds.

Since my ex asked to give up all rights to my child, I did not list him on Jack’s birth certificate. I will not be receiving child support, which was my choice. I called all the shots, and I’m glad I did. My ex left the state and turned off his cell phone. The message was pretty loud and clear. I hold no grudges. People have choices. I made mine. He made his.

The thing is, though it’s not easy to raise a baby on a single income, it’s not that hard. I have a huge support network of friends and family; and why would I want money from a guy who doesn’t want to even play catch with his son? Luckily I have an amazing father and two brothers who literally fight over who gets to hold JD. My son will go to many Yankees games–trust me. I understand I am lucky. Other women in my position wouldn’t be so quick to sever the ties. Everyone can’t afford a newborn. I am not bragging–I’m no Paris Hilton. I am a hard worker.

When Jack is napping I am writing and invoicing. Thank God, I love my job and work. And, thanks to Jack Domenic, I have a new muse–a very cute one.

My life 180′ed and it’s not so bad. My day-to-day is pretty textbook–bottles, burping and bears. I get in a workout when JD is swinging in his chair or sometimes I dance around my apartment with my little man: it’s the ultimate exercise. When Jack is sleeping, the nights seem long and quiet. I do a lot of thinking in the dark of my bedroom in that big bed. One thought remains constant–Jack Domenic is the best thing that ever happened to me. I am delighted.

Do I worry about meeting Mr. Right? Sometimes. Do you?

Christine M. Coppa, 26, uprooted herself from NYC for suburbia when she found herself pregnant and single. She pens Storked! for Glamour.com and is a full-time editor with a national women’s magazine. She is working on a children’s book inspired by JD.

My Big Girl is going into 2nd grade today.

As Mae brushed her teeth last night, she told me that she had butterflies in her stomach. I’m going to write a love note to put in her lunch. (Although I’m taking a very big chance that she’ll say, “Mama, that was soooo…. embarrassing!”) Last night, when I went to check on her at 10 p.m. - thinking smugly to myself, “Wow, what was a smooth bedtime that was!” — she wasn’t there.

I tip-toed down the hall to my room, and sure enough, she’d tucked herself into my bed.

P.S. Two hours after posting, here’s my P.S. at 9:34 a.m. As Mae walked up the steps to go to class, I came so close to crying. Whew, that was close. Just teary-eyed, that’s all.

If you haven’t heard already, Ariel Gore, author of The Hip Mama Survival Guide, just had a baby boy!

When I became a single mom in 2002, author Ariel Gore was my hero. She chose the path of single motherhood at age 18 to her daughter Maia, who’s now off to college. At age 37, Ariel and her partner have welcomed Maximilian Cosmo.

In Ariel’s column for Skirt, she says:

A few years ago, my grandmother told me a secret: “I look old,” she said. She was 85. “My body feels old. But a person’s core never changes. At my core I’m the same as I was at 18.”

I’m only 37, but I feel the same way.

One of my favorite all-time Gore Books is Atlas of the Human Heart, when she packed her backpack at age 19 in Palo Alto, CA and left home for China with a copy of her I Ching.

If you were inspired by Ariel Gore and her writing, please write in and tell me why!

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I know you've been waiting for me to get on the ball.

But guess what? I'm on the ball. I hope.

I have a spankin' new blog at Word Press called SINGLE MOM SEEKING.

To those of you who've commented over the past year: thank you, thank you.

Your comments will be saved here eternally.

Please visit the new blog and comment some more, okay?

Love and kisses,

Rachel

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Thank goodness for my single dad buddies. Like Peter Ehrlich, founder of Single Parent Love Life, whom I emailed recently to tell him that this break-up was kicking my butt.

Peter wrote back:

Often by not trying to find anything

one finds everything

Sometimes the best thing to do is

Retreat

#33 in I Ching

willingly

gratefully

retreat with joy

Say what?

He suggested that I get myself The I. Ching Workbook, so I ordered a used copy from Powell's. It arrived today, and guess what? Some other soul, in 1987 (two decades ago!), already filled out the journal in the back.

It looks like a woman's handwriting. She asks in red pen: “How should I proceed to free myself from guilt, pain, and anguish?”

Amen.

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