Apparently, single dads are the latest hot thing. At least, if you follow dating reality shows they are.

Take Jason Mesnick, the good-looking, educated, single dad, whom DeAnna Pappas rejected on ABC’s Bachelorette.

Some of my friends have joked that I should go after him. But the man is already flocked by hundreds of women. I’m not kidding. Jason, the 32-year-old father of three-year-old Ty, even has a personal email account just for his female fans.

Believe it or not, this is his email address: fanofjason@gmail.com.

After Pappas told Jason in the finale that her “heart is somewhere else,” his fans overloaded his MySpace account with comments and then bombarded ABC with requests to get in touch with him.

I even found a few women who set up their own MySpace pages in honor of Jason, where they’ve petitioned The Bachelor – ABC’s male version of the show — to have Jason on. Guess what? They got their wish.

I really appreciate what Annie from MomLogic says:

“I’m very excited to see him find love, but I can’t help but wonder, what if it were a single woman who had left her child at home to appear on The Bachelor? Then after hemming and hawing about how much she missed her child, she signed on to the be star of The Bachelorette the following season? I think people would be repulsed.”

Here’s what I want to know:

If Jason really wants to find a life partner, why doesn’t follow up with a handful of the 100s of women who’ve emailed him? Why is he going on another reality show — and putting his son on reality TV?

Single dads out there, would you love to put yourself in Jason’s shoes? Why? Why not?

To all of you: Is Jason Mesnick really lookin’ for love… or fame? What do you think?

The Bachelor is scheduled to premiere in January 2009.

Image of Jason Mesnick courtesy of NitaGirl and Jessy.

I can never find exactly what she wants. I stand there endlessly searching shelves while female shoppers wonder why their section’s been overrun by a guy. Men no more belong in an aisle of women’s personal things than women belong by racks of jock-itch cream.

But feminine hygiene products? Someone please find me a rock to crawl under.

“Can’t you get them yourself?” I asked.

My daughter is sixteen and has her driver license. She loves any excuse to get behind the wheel, including running an errand. And I’m quite happy to toss her the keys anytime (except for the part about the insurance industry charging divorced single parents double what married parents pay to add a teen to a policy.)

“I really need them,” she said. “I’m already out.”

“So go right now.”

“I’m about to take a shower.”

She’d just returned from soccer practice and needed to get cleaned up. Plus, she’d driven herself there, so maybe she already got her behind-the-wheel thrill for the day.

“Don’t you have an emergency one in your soccer bag?” I asked.

“I used it,” she said.

If she was at her mom’s house she could raid the bathroom and find what she needed. But here in her dad’s house, she’s the only female.

She smiled sweetly, one of those pretty-please looks that melts a dad every time.

I sighed. “Can you plan a little better next time?” I asked.

“Okay,” she said, then kissed me on the cheek.

She told me exactly where to go in the drug store, as well as the brand name and color of the box. (Oddly enough, the word tampon doesn’t appear anywhere on the packaging. How the heck would I have found what she needed on my own?)

Ah, but did she want scented or unscented? I was tempted to pick a box and go, but I’d come this far, I wanted to get the right one. With my daughter in the shower and unable to talk on the phone, I dialed her mom. Nothing like saying the word tampon into the phone with nearby customers peering and leering at me.

My daughter was pleased with the purchase, happy and grateful I’d come through in a pinch. I have to admit I made it through the experience unscathed.

But she better watch out, I can always get her back – I can send her to the drugstore to buy me condoms.

Photo of David from Dad’s House

© 2008 DadsHouseBlog.com. All rights reserved. Published by Single Mom Seeking with permission from the author.

Specifically, she asked me to write something because I have a special needs child and it is a topic that doesn’t come up much. So it begins….

I’ve been a single parent for just about seven years now. I’m also raising my son on my own.

Not too long after I assumed sole responsibility for my son, I realized that I had a special needs child. It just took six and a half years to get a really good idea of what that special need was. The latest diagnosis in our case is Asperger’s Syndrome, a high functioning form of Autism. It has been an interesting and frustrating journey fraught with acronyms, diagnoses, pharmacists, drugs, doctors, therapists, hospitals, HMOs, schools, jobs, and advice from friends and family. There were a lot of people offering assistance (i.e. advice), but no real help.

What I really needed was to hear that I was not a bad parent from someone else that has a child like my son. I needed to know that I was not the only person out there that had a child like this. I needed some ideas about how to cope with the tantrums and the day to day communication problems because after a few years you start to run out of both ideas and patience. HIPAA and other privacy acts prevent doctors, therapists, and school officials from letting you know who else has children like yours.

After running out of all other ideas I started blogging about it and searching blogs for other parents that might be facing similar problems. I found some like Monty and Married to Confused and Confused Husband.

I also found a larger community of single parents, all of whom were fearlessly writing about being a single parent, detailing the trials, the triumphs, and everything in between. What I found was that I wasn’t alone in my endeavors or my plight.

Married or not, dealing with special needs children is very difficult. No one wants to see a child suffer, especially his/her own. No one wants to be helpless while his/her child struggles day to day. While you — hopefully — have good doctors or good schools to deal with, you may not. I haven’t always had them, though I have the good fortune to have both currently.

One thing I truly wish I’d had early on was other parents to talk to, parents who understood. I would have loved to have had other parents to share information about doctors, schools, IEPs, and more. I have learned to forget about embarrassment, because I know that if I do not plainly state my issues, then I am guaranteed not to find any help.

I went looking through MeetUp.com for any groups locally dealing with special needs children. Surprisingly, and very thankfully, I found a few active groups in my area. If there weren’t any I was going to start one. I figured “If [I] build it they will come.”

Fortunately someone else thought the same thing a few months before me and they created an Asperger’s Support group. Now I meet with these other parents a few times a month for either activities or to share information about doctors, schools, IEPs, nutrition, conferences, seminars, and so much more. I’ll never forget that first Saturday morning when I sat down to have coffee with eight other parents and discovered that each of them had a child like mine.

After six and a half years of struggling, this was the first time I’d met another parent face to face, who had the same issues. If you are struggling with a child that is special needs for one reason or another, you are not alone.

Press your doctor and your school officials for information about parental support groups. Utilize tools like blogging and www.meetup.com to start a support group if you can’t find one. If you know of other tools and organizations, I for one would really like to know about them, but I’m sure other parents out there would too. If you are here at Single Mom Seeking, then you probably have already seen the value of sharing ideas and information in this community. Keep it up!!

Photo of Crazy Computer Dad and his son.

~~~
“What’s your story?”

People often ask me this question when they seem me on my own with three kids.

“Are you sure you want to hear?,” I say, smiling. “Well, take a seat and I’ll let her fly!”

Too often I hear the words: “You are such a great dad…I don’t know how you do it”.

While it’s great to hear these words, I do no more than any parent would. I sacrifice myself for the benefit of them. I just do what any dad should do. I’m there for my kids, I give 110% to them.

While this wasn’t the journey I wanted, it is the journey I am on. So how did I get here?

Almost three years ago I found myself in a marriage to a woman who was “emotionally withdrawn.” That was the beginning of the journey. After three kids, and eight years of marital bliss, I found myself single again.

Yes, she left me. We were too young. We didn’t have a great foundation. We had baggage that should have been unpacked before we ever tried to “become one”. We were two people on a journey — but one of us decided to jump out of the plane. And to think I never saw her pack a chute.

So what do you do? I crawled in a hole and wept. I grieved the loss. Then I adjusted. I learned you can’t make someone desire you. So, I focused on being a dad and finding me.

My parents divorced when I was two and my dad was MIA until I sought him out when I was 14. That wasn’t going to be me. Even though I was part-time dad…the last thing I ever wanted them to feel was that I wasn’t there for them. No fear, dad is here!

I played by the rules: I paid my child support and then some, I bought clothes. If they needed it, I wanted to provide it. As for the ex and I, it got better over that year. We talked, we became friends. She let me back into her world and her in mine. After all, she knew me better than anyone else.

Then it all came raining down: one year, two months and seven days after our divorce finalized, the woman whom I loved, the woman who gave me three amazing kids…died.

The illness was sudden. She believed to have pulled a muscle; however the real culprit was a virus that attacked her heart. As her heart failed, so did the rest of her body. She was on life support for a month before we let her go. The hardest part was knowing she never got to say goodbye to the kids.

My world was rocked again as I became a full time single dad. Day in and day out, I’m Dad to the max.
So here I am, caring for my angels, hoping to raise them into healthy productive adults. I’m facing the same battles that many single moms face…bouncing through each day.

Photo from Cieleke

If you’ve never met Matt, you might want to read his story first, on his site.

I had to figure out some semblance of order for the dads you’re meeting this week on Single Mom Seeking — while I’m off in New York City. They’re comin’ at you in chronological order, based on their kids’ ages. Matt beats everyone by a landslide, since he has been raising baby Madeline solo since the day she was born.

When I asked Matt to write my guest blog for Single Mom Seeking, he wrote back that he was having a “tough day.” His third wedding anniversary would have been on August 13.

==================================

12 years, 58 days.

that’s how long my forever lasted.

that forever ended for me on march 25, 2008, the day after our newest forever started.

march 24, 2008.

the happiest day of our lives.

madeline elizabeth.

born small,

but huge in so many ways.

excitement, happiness, certainty.

27 hours later,

my wife,

her mother,

was gone.

they saw each other once.

she never held her.

she was never held by her.

how will we do this without her?

4+ months since

liz died and i’m doing my best.

my only focus?

our daughter.

madeline is thriving in every way.

the tears still come daily,

but more often than not,

these days,

the tears are followed

by smiles.

big ones.

madeline smiling at me,

me smiling right back at her.

the pain will forever be present,

but the future,

it looks bright.

Matt & Madeline in NYC from Lauren Farmer on Vimeo.

One single dad reader — who shall remain unnamed — just dared me in an email to “cut loose.” He says that jumping the UPS man will be good for me “because you genuinely want him, and have for years. And because it will be good for your ego, and especially good for you to get a renewed taste of the juice that makes life so f-ing magical!”

Whew, re-reading that just now made me feel a little weak. Mmmmm. This male reader also gives me one last word of warning: “Whatever you do don’t lose your mind and confuse lust and love!”

Got it.

Mae and I will be staying with the same friends who’d set me up on my first-ever blind date as a single mom.

We’ll also see Mae’s uncle — her father’s oldest brother — whom we call “Uncle Moody.” I’ll be forever grateful to Mae’s uncle for being there for his niece. He calls. He sends care packages to her.

But Uncle Moody is afraid of heights, and Mae knows this. Somehow, she always gets him to ride the ferris wheel in Times Square. I promised him that no one would ever see his face when he rides a ferris wheel — but here’s a photo of little Mae asking him to buy her somethin’ new. Whenever she says, “Uncle Moody, will you get this for me?” he turns into one big softy.

And get this: super-woman Seal publicist, Andie, just emailed me that I’ll be on Candace Bushnell’s live radio show. You can catch the Sex and the City author asking me about Sex and the Single Mom on Thursday, August 21, 6 - 8 EST.

This weekend, we’re spending a few days in Connecticut with my best friend from college. Then, we’re taking the train to NYC. Do you have tips about what we should do in Manhattan while we’re there? It will be hot — perhaps in every sense of the word?

P.S. I’m letting the single dads take over Single Mom Seeking while I’m gone. Talk about a loss of control. Seriously, I’ve chosen a great group of guys, if I do say so myself. I’m sure you’ll enjoy.

Here’s Joseph, the divorced dad of three children. He finalized his divorce more than two years ago and sounds like a devoted dad.

Joseph recently fell for a single mom of two kids, who “went through a divorce a few months after I did.” They were friends first, and to complicate matters, their kids are friends, too.

“During our divorces, we became very close. Recently, we decided to take it to the next level– I’m very attracted to her. I have told her that I really care about her–”

So, what’s the problem, you wonder?

“She says that she doesn’t think she will could ever fall in love again,” Joseph says. “I asked her ‘So, are we a couple?’ She just laughed and said ‘We are just friends with benefits.’ “

“Look, I am not a teenager anymore. Sure, I’m having fun, but I want — and need — more in my life. Should I hang on and hope that things will turn around?”

I was blunt with Joseph. I told him: this woman is being very honest with you. It doesn’t sound like she’s emotionally available to you. If you’re ready for a real relationship, move on.

I know that many of you have had similar experiences. What do you think? Any words of wisdom for Joseph?

Thanks!

Photo by Duchessa

When I first heard that Kate Hudson and Lance Armstrong had split, I threw my hands into the air. There they go again: parading each other’s kids through their lives, and leaving someone else to clean up the streamers. Did they even try to have a relationship? Or, was it just about the weekend sex in hotels across the country?

But then I realized how judgmental that sounded. No one really knows what happened behind the scenes.

Within minutes after Kate and Lance publicly announced their split, the name-calling began (Google Kate Hudson today and you’ll see Kate referred as a harlot, a slut, you name it).

And Lance? There were a few harsh insults thrown out, but compared to Kate, hardly an eyelash was batted. There goes that double standard again — but never mind.

The truth is, no one really knows exactly how much their kids were involved.

To read how I weigh in on about Kate Hudson’s and Lance Armstrong’s high-profile breakup affects their children, please go to MOMLOGIC.com today.

Thanks for commenting here or there!

Photo of Kate Hudson at Fool’s Gold World Premiere from PRPhotos.com

That’s why I’m reaching out to you. Mark, a single dad of two teenagers wrote to me this week:

“I have custody of my two boys who are 17 and 14. We have a great time together. They are ‘cool’ with me dating and I always like to make sure that I get to know the person I am dating before introducing her to the boys. And I expect the same from her.”

“But recently, I dated a couple of single moms who didn’t wait very long before introducing me to their kids. After a few dates, they wanted me to meet their children. And then, they would ask, ‘So, when can I meet your boys?’ I felt uncomfortable.”

“In both cases, we are no longer dating. I wonder if their kids ask them ‘Where’s Mark? Why doesn’t he come to visit anymore?’ One little girl was so precious, and we got along so well. It broke my heart to stop being there all of the sudden.”

“I just want to do this right,” Marks says.

“From a woman’s perspective, do you think that the next person I date (I hope this will be soon!) would be offended if I told her that I didn’t want to meet her kid(s) yet?”

“How soon is ‘too soon’ anyway?”

“I mean, if it ‘feels’ right, does that mean it’s okay to meet them? I wouldn’t want her to think that I have a problem with kids because I don’t. And if there’s a real attraction between us, I don’t want to run the risk of blowing it because we feel differently about meeting each other’s kids.”

Here’s what I told Mark: I don’t have a teen (yet). Dating and raising teens? Help!

Single moms and dads, can you please give this dating dad your advice?

P.S. Mark’s older son “is interested in girls, but he’s yet to have a girlfriend, so I really don’t know what would happen if and when he starts dating. He and his brother know very well that I am not looking to replace their mom, but I am looking for someone special in my life. They also know that I am careful about who I date and who I introduce them to. We have a great level of trust between us and I think that is key.”