Ask just about anyone, “Who’s a Jew?” and you’ll be told that a Jew is any person whose mother was a Jew, or any person who has gone through the formal process of conversion to Judaism.

The Reform movement, however, considers a person to be Jewish if either of her parents was Jewish and the child was raised Jewish. And this is why, as a kid who was brought up in a reform synagogue, I never had any reason to believe that I wasn’t authentic.

I had my bat mitzvah and confirmation alongside my friends, so I never had a clue that I was any different. Sixty of my relatives never resurfaced after the Holocaust — this alone has always connected me deeply to Judaism. In high school, I became a docent, and went to history classes to share lessons about the Holocaust with my peers.

I dreamed about going to Israel one day, and the summer I turned 16, I did. It was in Israel where, for my first time, that a Jewish scholar explained to me who’s a Jew and who’s not a Jew.

What do you mean I’m not a Jew?

According to Bryan Mark Rigg, author of “Hitler’s Jewish Soldiers: The Untold Story of Nazi Racial Laws and Men of Jewish Descent in the German Military,” this rule goes back to the Roman empire 2,000 years ago when the Romans said you were only a citizen if your mother as a citizen. When in Rome, do like the Romans do!

In other words, a bunch of white guys got together and made this rule. (If you wonder if this has caused a ruckus for me on JDate, you’re right.)

~~~

Because we’re half-way into Hanukah — and I’m a half-Jew — I’m giving a shout (completely non-endorsed!) to a couple of my favorite gifts:

You’d never see me wearing a  “Chai” Maintenance T-shirt — above — but I think it’s a clever play on words.

But how about this Hanukkah bush?

~~~

Yes, here’s to Hanukkah bushes.

I just sent a note to a cute, short, single guy on JDate, telling him I thought his profile was very well-written.

Guess how he responded?

“I’m not ready to adopt.”

That’s all he said. I’m not kidding.

I’m grateful to have all of YOU, readers. Thank you, thank you. It’s almost a new year!

Photos courtesy of Pop Judaica and Cafe Press

After all, I breastfed my kid for more than two years. I even made it into the Guinness Book of World Records for being one 1136 women in the SF Bay Area who simultaneously breastfed our babies in the same place. (Woo hee!)

If you haven’t yet heard the news:

Facebook has been “pulling” profile pictures of babies nursing. The pictures have been reported as ‘obscene’ and have been removed. Their posters warned not to re-post or they could be kicked off  Facebook.

What is Facebook’s problem?

And who the heck made this corporate decision to ban cozy shots of moms who are breastfeeding? (Let me guess: a group of young guys in Silicon Valley who don’t have kids yet.)

Really now. Nursing a baby: it’s the most simple, natural thing in the world. (And I’ve seen my share of obscene shots on Facebook that did not feature lactation.)

But mothers are speaking out. A group called, “Hey, Facebook, breast-feeding is not obscene!” already has more than 54,000 members, including yours truly.

The group asks: “What about a baby breastfeeding is obscene? Especially in comparison to many other pictures posted all over Facebook that really are obscene.”

I’m working on a piece right now for MomLogic.com about this issue — and I’d love to hear what you think.

Should Facebook reverse the ban? Or, am I overreacting?

Dads, I’d love to hear your thoughts on this one, too.

Photo of Angelina Jolie on the November 2008 issue of W, shot by Brad Pitt as Jolie was breastfeeding one of the new twins.

The holidays are coming upon us fast! It’s time for my Top Children’s Books for Single Parents.

When I first became a single mom, I made myself sick trying to come up with all the ways I planned to explain to my daughter that her father had disappeared. As it turns out, all my complicated explanations — so far — can be bottled into one word: honesty.

Be straight and loving. And most of all, be open and present. Answer your child’s questions. Just as importantly, ask your child what he/she is feeling and thinking.

That said, books have helped me tremendously. I’m always searching for books that single parents can read to their kids — books that really show who we are. If you have any that aren’t on this list, please share!

1. Love Is a Family by Roma Downey

This is my all-time favorite. Written by the star of the TV show Touched by an Angel star, it’s a simple, real loving mother-daughter story. It’s Family Fun Night at school, and Lily is positive that she and her mom will be the weirdest family there. The theme: even if you’re a “small kind” of family, you’re still a family.

2. The Family Book by Todd Parr

Written by one of my favorite kid authors! Children meet an array of families: single moms, stepmoms, stepdads, stepsisters, two moms, two dads — you get the picture.

3. Who’s in a Family? by Robert Skutch

This is a must-have in every single parent home with kids under age eight. The ending includes blank spaces in which your child is instructed to “draw a picture of your family.”

4. Horton Hatches the Egg by Dr. Seuss

It’s about abandonment, perseverance, overcoming real obstacles, loyalty, and ultimately about joy. (Thanks for this one, Dr. Leah!)

5. Do I Have a Daddy? by Jeanne Warren Lindsay

Deals with abandonment. Intense and best for older kids.

6. A Chair For My Mother by Vera B. Williams

It’s not about a single mother per say, but the main characters are a mother, her daughter, and the grandmother — no mention of a father. Their apartment burns and they find a new place. It’s about three women working and living together.

7. The Best Single Mom in the World: How I Was Adopted by Mary Zisk

A girl tells how her mother decided to become a single parent and traveled overseas to adopt her.

~~~

I was not endorsed to say anything in this post, but let me add that Larry Weissman, an agent I greatly admire, just turned me onto this amazing site, Books Equal Gifts.

“Because a book just might be the best gift this holiday season…” Don’t you agree?

Please add your feedback — and add any children’s book titles I’ve left out!

P.S. Single dads: where are the children’s books for YOU?

There are lots of children’s books out there for two-dad families, but how about the single/divorced dad?

My parents tried their best. They really did. But let’s just say that I try my best not to follow their example all the time.

Can anyone say drama? And using your kids as pawns? You get the picture.

As much as I love being a mother, parenting doesn’t come easy for me. Does it for you?

I’m like one of those folks who hunts down gallery openings — for the free booze and food. Except that I’m on a mission to find free or low-cost parenting classes. I’ve been like this since I was pregnant.

I just can’t get enough parenting tips. I grew up with few boundaries (can you tell?) — so I’m always trying to hone my skills.

I’m amazed at how many parenting resources there are in our country, if you just look around. Recently, one of my single mom friends invited me to a parenting class — “How to raise a resilient child” — at her school. Score!

When a local father recognized me in the meeting room — and wondered why I was at his kid’s school — I said, “Yeah, I really need the help. Thanks for having me as the ‘outsider.’ ”

He wasn’t sure if I was serious. I was.

In short, this insightful parenting expert told us: “Kids today don’t know how to use their disappointment muscle.”

Have you noticed this trend, too? Parents (myself included) sometimes have a hard time setting limits, i.e., just saying “No.”

As a result, their kids feel like they’re entitled to everything.

She gave an example that really cracked me up:

The 17-year-old daughter of a single mom had come to her mother to talk about sex. They had a very open, honest relationship, so the mother wasn’t surprised when her daughter said, “I’m ready to have sex with my boyfriend.”

They’d already talked about birth control and being safe. Their dialogue continued.

The mother thought it was going so well. Until her daughter said, “So, Mom, I’m inviting him over on Friday. And we’re going to use your bed.”

Say what?

Does setting boundaries come easy for you? Are you a pro?

Do your kids get to flex their “disappointment muscles”?

P.S. Dr. Leah and I have just come up with Survival Tips for the Holidays for Single Parents – check ‘em out!

First, my apologies: this is not my surprise – yet! This past week, however, has certainly surprised me.

This fall, I got a random email from a single dad vlogger, explaining that he’d recently launched a website for single dads:

“I wanted to see if I can grab 20 minutes of your time for some advice,” RJ Jaramillo began.

“I would really love to get your input on SingleDad.com — and what the site means to you. I know you are busy, but if you can give me a few minutes of your time…”

As it turns out, his email wasn’t so random:

RJ had actually tried to contact me more than one year ago — but I hadn’t responded. When he nicely explained this to me, I was so sorry! (I try to respond to everyone. Really I do.) Sure, I’d chat with him on the phone.

He called, and within five minutes, I tried to ignore the fact that he had a really soothing, kind voice.

Stay professional, I told myself.

After all, he was clearly very focused, organized, and responsible. However, he’s also a Leo – and I swore I heard a flirt lurking in there!

That night, I checked out RJ’s Single Dad Diaries. I was hooked: three single dads who dish on everything from Miley Cyrus to holiday anxiety to dating post-divorce.

One thing led to another, and RJ and I were emailing: hey, how about Single Mom and Dad Diaries?

Being a Leo and all, RJ suggested that we get right to business. Get this: he suggested that he hop on a plane… next week!

Our plan is: we’ll each take a day off work to make a series of single mom and dad videos — for ALL of you.

Isn’t this what you’d call “a working date”?

Here’s one irony: although we both talk about dating as single parents, neither of us has been on a date in months. (No, I’m not counting dinner with the ex who works in law enforcement.)

So, what do you think?

I mean, I’ve never met this guy! But what an opportunity, right?

Should I say “yes”?

Photos of RJ with his kids, and RJ overlooking a cliff in Ireland. He is adventurous, isn’t he?

I’m frazzled. Is it the economy? The elections? A mix of both?

At Mae’s Back to School Night yesterday, I looked around the room. It was an inspiring, educational night — but I noticed that everyone, especially yours truly, looked so exhausted.

Most of the parents had listened to the debates in their cars, on their way to school. It’s all we could talk about in the hallway. One of my favorite dads in the class told me I had to visit his favorite site on the elections, FiveThirtyEight.com.

I did. Wow. This site’s founder, Nate Silver, is actually a baseball stat star.

Nate says that “both baseball and politics are data-driven industries.” His mission is “to give you the best possible objective assessment of the likely outcome of upcoming elections.”

According to Nate Silver, Obama will win.

What do you think?

One month from today, we’ll have a new president.

Will Obama be our next leader? Or, McCain?

If you think about your vote, as well as your friends’ votes, your family’s votes, your neighbors’ votes…What’s your verdict?

I’m really curious. Even if you don’t agree with me — and you’re voting for McCain — I want to hear from you. Tell me why.

~~~

This Sunday, I’m devoting the entire day volunteering for Obama’s campaign. I simply have to. Has anyone been volunteering?

If you want another, uh, special take on the elections, be sure to visit Mommy Pie today. (My grandparents in Florida are not alive anymore, and I’m 99 percent sure that my Uncle Norman is voting for McCain. Uncle Norman?)

~~~

One of my favorite photos of Mae, taken last year (tooth missing!) with one of her best friends. My kid was born into the Bush era and raised in it. I want her future to be different.

Eathan from I Date White has invited me as a guest on his radio show TODAY, Wednesday, October 1.

Want to join us?

You can call in at 12:30/Noon CST, 10:30 a.m. PST here, at Blog Talk Radio.

Here’s the call in number: (347) 838.9897

We’re talking about dating people of other races, biracial children, our families…. and how to take care of beautiful, nappy hair. Let’s hear from you!

Eathan blogs anonymously as the single dad of two sons. He lives in the Dallas area and describes himself as “a guy who has difficulty expressing his emotions.”

“Besides my kids, I love sports, traveling, exotic cars, wine, music and technology,” he says.

Since I don’t follow sports or have a passion for exotic cars, what can Eathan and I possibly have in common?

Well, we have both dated outside our races. We also have biracial kids. Over the past month, we’ve been chatting by email about dating, family, kids — and, yes, hair.

Here’s evidence of that beautiful hair, which little Mae used to wear out, as shown below, as we sipped cocoa on a NYC park bench. But whenever she wears it out today, people flock around her, trying to touch her hair. She just wants to be a kid, and it’s too much energy trying to fend of curious strangers. Jeesh.

I’d love to know:

Do any of you have biracial children?

I’ve heard from many of you who are raising biracial children. And to tell you the truth, I don’t really like that word “biracial.” My kid is really “multi-racial,” yet that’s such a mouthful!

What have your experiences been like with your family?

When my Jewish grandmother found out I was pregnant and not married to the father, who happened to be African American, she disowned me. But after seeing Mae at a family gathering on her first birthday, my grandma opened her arms with pure, sweet love. Does this resonate with any of you?

I hope to hear from you on Wednesday on Blog Talk Radio.

Again, here are the times: 12:30/Noon CST, 10:30 a.m. PST.

Here’s the call in number: (347) 838.9897

P.S. If you read Eathan’s blog, you might be surprised that I won’t be talking about sex. The more I blog, the more cautious I am about anonymous bloggers out there. If you put your real name out there, let’s talk. If not, my guard is up.

That’s why Dad’s House and I have hooked up. (No, not like that!).

David Mott — a Bay Area single dad — and I decided that it’s time for a “Single Parents Connection on Facebook.”

It was all David’s idea, really. We went on a hike by the Bay (it wasn’t a date, sillies) to hang out, catch up, chat about blogging.

We talked about all the single parent bloggers we follow — and all of the articulate readers we’ve “met” out there. We realized there wasn’t a place to bring so many insightful, funny, smart bloggers — and readers — together.

Enter Facebook, the social networking site. David gets credit for doing all the technological homework in order to promote all of the single parent bloggers out there. (In case you were curious, David and I aren’t making any money off this.)

Check out Single Parents Connection, a new Facebook group where single parents, and the singles and parents who love us, can connect.

Like other Facebook groups, there’s a discussion board, message wall, video and photo sharing capabilities. And for Single Parents Connection, a blogroll of single parent bloggers. It’s not a dating site. It’s a community for you.

David adds:

“As a long-time Silicon Valley veteran, I can tell you the infrastructure is there to build new ways to interact, things we haven’t imagined yet. I “get” the potential of Facebook, and it’s huge.”

The Single Parents Connection group is just getting started, but there are already a handful of single parent bloggers there. Kat Wilder, Quest for T, Solo Mother, Crazy Computer Dad, Dr. Leah, to name a few.

Anyone can join Single Parents Connection - whether you’re a blogger or not, whether you’re a single parent, single, or a parent. Swing by, join the group, lend your support, interact on discussion boards, share on the wall, promote your writing and blogging projects, visit the blogroll. And grab a Single Parents Connection blog badge.

See you there… I hope!

UPDATE: If you need another dose of Sarah Palin, Slate.com is rockin’ with those Palin blogs.

~~~

Bristol, the 17-year-old daughter of vice presidential candidate Sarah Palin — John McCain’s running mate — is pregnant. She’s five months along, and not married.

As Chris B. of Phoenix pointed out in his comment in the New York Times:

“The point is not that her teenage unwed daughter got pregnant. The point is the hypocrisy of another holier than thou no sex until marriage abstinence only GOP family that lectures the rest of us about how to behave. Incredible.”

Unfortunately, writing this blog post goes against Barack Obama’s wishes, according to the New York Times, where he says the pregnancy “has no relevance to Governor Palin’s performance as a governor or her potential performance as a vice president.”

Obama added that, “my mother had me when she was 18. How a family deals with issues and teen-age children — that shouldn’t be the topic of our politics.”

Well taken. But as one New York Times reader pointed out: “Imagine what the Republicans would be saying if Obama had a teenage daughter who was pregnant ?!”

Since single motherhood touches Palin’s life so closely, I would love to hear what she has to say about educating our country’s teens about sex.

As one New York Times reader from Mobile, AL added: “So how about that abstinence-only education?”

Any thoughts about this one? I’d love to hear them!

Photo from People magazine. Bristol is on the left, hiding her stomach

]]> http://singlemomseeking.com/blog/2008/09/01/have-you-heard-that-vp-candidate-palin-has-a-single-mom-teen-daughter/feed/ http://singlemomseeking.com/blog/2008/08/29/why-this-election-makes-me-proud/ http://singlemomseeking.com/blog/2008/08/29/why-this-election-makes-me-proud/#comments Fri, 29 Aug 2008 16:23:49 +0000 singlemomseeking http://singlemomseeking.com/blog/?p=821

Update:
I’ve never gotten very political on this blog — except when it comes to issues of single parenting — but it’s time for me to speak up. If you read this blog regularly, you know that I’m not the pushy type. But if you’re on the fence this election, I do hope you’ll read this.

I just got an email from MoveOn, please read on if you’re not sure who you’re voting for this election:

“Yesterday was John McCain’s 72nd birthday. If elected, he’d be the oldest president ever inaugurated. And after months of slamming Barack Obama for ‘inexperience,’ here’s who John McCain has chosen to be one heartbeat away from the presidency: a right-wing religious conservative with no foreign policy experience, who until recently was mayor of a town of 9,000 people.”

“Who is Sarah Palin? Here’s some basic background:

She was elected Alaska’s governor a little over a year and a half ago. Her previous office was mayor of Wasilla, a small town outside Anchorage. She has no foreign policy experience.

Palin is strongly anti-choice, opposing abortion even in the case of rape or incest.

Palin thinks creationism should be taught in public schools.

She’s doesn’t think humans are the cause of climate change.

She’s solidly in line with John McCain’s “Big Oil first” energy policy. She’s pushed hard for more oil drilling and says renewables won’t be ready for years. She also sued the Bush administration for listing polar bears as an endangered species—she was worried it would interfere with more oil drilling in Alaska.

How closely did John McCain vet this choice? He met Sarah Palin once at a meeting. They spoke a second time, last Sunday, when he called her about being vice-president. Then he offered her the position.

In 1993, our former vice president Dan Quayle attacked Murphy Brown, the sitcom, for featuring a lead character who decides to become a single mom.

I was 21. I wasn’t a single mom (yet). Still, I couldn’t understand Quayle’s distress. Why was he scapegoating this mom for raising her child with an absent father? What was his problem?

Unfortunately, when I became a single mom in 2000, the stigma against us — single moms — was still strong. That’s why this current presidential race is so exciting. Are you with me?

In his acceptance speech last night, Barack Obama said:

“We measure the strength of our economy not by the number of billionaires we have or the profits of the Fortune 500, but by whether someone with a good idea can take a risk and start a new business, or whether the waitress who lives on tips can take a day off and look after a sick kid without losing her job, an economy that honors the dignity of work.”

“…In the face of that young student, who sleeps just three hours before working the night shift, I think about my mom, who raised my sister and me on her own while she worked and earned her degree, who once turned to food stamps, but was still able to send us to the best schools in the country with the help of student loans and scholarships.”

Sure, Obama is using his experiences in a single parent home as a way to relate to voters. But why shouldn’t he? Clearly, his mama did something right when she raised him on her own.

For the first time ever, the candidates are talking about single moms positively. Instead of blaming us, as politicians have been known to do in the past — by showing that kids of single parents do poorly in school, use drugs, you name it (without any acknowledgment of how economics and wealth affects families) — this campaign has put us in a positive light.

It’s about time. Don’t you think?

Thanks to my single mom friend Deesha Philyaw and her sweet boyfriend for letting me borrow this cool Obama logo!