When I first heard that single dad Jason Mesnick was going to be “The Bachelor,” I was skeptical.

After his appearance on “The Bachelorette,” hundreds of women had tried to contact Jason. ABC got so flooded with requests that the network gave him a personal email account.

Many of these women wanted to date him, and many were begging him to go back on the show — as “The Bachelor.” (Don’t get me started about whether he’s looking for love — or fame.)

But my curiosity is getting the best of me.

I’ll be watching the “The Bachelor” premiere tonight (Monday) on ABC with a two-hour special starting at 8 p.m.

How could I miss it? For the first time ever, “The Bachelor” is a single dad.

Mesnick has left his son back home — with his ex-wife and parents — to move into a Los Angeles bachelor pad. He will meet 25 suitors, including four single mothers.

Will you be watching the show, too?

~~~

When my kid was a preschooler — like Jason’s Mesnick’s three-year-old son, Ty - I was idealistic and hopeful, too. (Although given the chance, I would not have left my kid for weeks in order to move into a bachelorette pad in L.A.)

I wonder how I’ll feel as I watch the show. At the moment, I’m skeptical about finding The One. Maybe that’s what online dating does to us.

Is it really so hard to find love nowadays? Really now.

Why is it so challenging to connect to another human being — and have a healthy, loving, lasting relationship?

Are we really that complicated?

Or, that picky?

Read more about the ideal woman Jason Mesnick is looking for at Singlemommyhood.com.

December

A few years ago I drove to OSH so my kids, at their request, could get me my Christmas present. I remember this as an especially poignant moment—sitting in my car watching the two of them walk through the crowded parking lot. I was already pretty sure what they were getting me. I’m not materialistic, but as on other holidays I’d cobbled together a list anyhow.

Though far from glamorous, first on the list was a new toilet seat; something we could use at the time.

I watched them, my 16-year-old son and my 9-year-old daughter, as they headed toward the hardware store’s glass doors. On that chilly December afternoon as I waited I suddenly, though not for the first time, saw them through Everybody Else’s eyes: a lean teenager talking, then playfully nudging the bright-eyed young girl next to him, her skin much darker than his, her braids shiny in the winter sun. She barely reached his shoulder, and the two of them appeared easy and comfortable with each other. She looked up at him with a smile that could melt an iceberg. He grinned back, said something, and she gave him a push back with her arm. I remember this.

Do people assume they’re brother and sister, one adopted?

They are so different from each other; in appearance, in temperament. But it’s my son and my daughter’s expressions and gestures that day that will stay with me.

Sometimes I want to tell people—and I do—that my son was an ardent advocate for my daughter’s adoption back in 1999, when I myself, a single mom who knew next to nothing about transracial adoption, was on the fence about adopting my first foster child.

Thankfully I did adopt her, a year and a half after she’d arrived as a 2-year-old. The familial bond that began to grow the first day she came has grown ever stronger, and on that cold winter day when I was feeling poor and somewhat depressed it was heartwarming to see the radiance that still shines around my kids.

On Christmas morning a few days later I sat on the couch drinking coffee and watching my kids’ faces light up as they opened packages containing electronic games and clothes and books; I feigned surprise when I unwrapped the clunky package that held the blue toilet seat. Of course they’d remembered blue is my favorite color.

We’ve been through hell and back since then.

My son’s depression-related diagnosis the following year, 2006, isn’t as important to relate as are the small moments that helped hold my little family together then, like the day my daughter went into the hospital gift shop before we took the elevator upstairs and bought her brother a small, clear stone with the word “Hope” engraved on it.

Or the way the next December, still recovering and regaining his spark, wit, and confidence, he used a big chunk of his own savings to buy his sister an X-Box for Christmas. The way recently when my daughter got dropped off after a visit to a friend’s house she swept right past me with barely a “Hi,” to wrap her arms around her brother’s shoulders as he worked on his computer in his room.

“I love you,” they call to each other spontaneously and often, their voices filtering through the small house. But often my son’s eyes still look sad—as I’ve been told mine do.

This year, my happy, resilient, now-twelve year old daughter just e-mailed us her Christmas list—complete with brand-names, colors, sizes, etc. Topping it is an expensive new cell phone, and then continues in order of priority including gift cards for clothes stores, a sewing machine, games. She’s clear about she wants.

And knowing my son, he might just spring for the cell phone. But when I ask him what he wants, he says he doesn’t know.

However, you can bet that if happiness came in a box my daughter would give it to him. I would, too.

Illustration by Annie Kassof

Today, please visit Singlemommyhood to read our guest post from the amazing Rookie Moms!

You’ll meet Heather Flett and Whitney Moss, whom I ran into at BlogHer in San Francisco last summer.

Heather and Whitney were both raised by single moms — and both of them turned out absolutely perfect.

Heather adds that her mom was single from the time she was three to age 14:

“She had date night on Saturdays and I loved our babysitter.”

~~~

During the holidays, especially, it’s so important for you to remember YOU. So, head over to SingleMommyHood to read:

“5 Ways to Have Fun with Your Friends Without A Babysitter“

See you there!

Photo of Heather (left) and Whitney (right).

The holidays are coming upon us fast! It’s time for my Top Children’s Books for Single Parents.

When I first became a single mom, I made myself sick trying to come up with all the ways I planned to explain to my daughter that her father had disappeared. As it turns out, all my complicated explanations — so far — can be bottled into one word: honesty.

Be straight and loving. And most of all, be open and present. Answer your child’s questions. Just as importantly, ask your child what he/she is feeling and thinking.

That said, books have helped me tremendously. I’m always searching for books that single parents can read to their kids — books that really show who we are. If you have any that aren’t on this list, please share!

1. Love Is a Family by Roma Downey

This is my all-time favorite. Written by the star of the TV show Touched by an Angel star, it’s a simple, real loving mother-daughter story. It’s Family Fun Night at school, and Lily is positive that she and her mom will be the weirdest family there. The theme: even if you’re a “small kind” of family, you’re still a family.

2. The Family Book by Todd Parr

Written by one of my favorite kid authors! Children meet an array of families: single moms, stepmoms, stepdads, stepsisters, two moms, two dads — you get the picture.

3. Who’s in a Family? by Robert Skutch

This is a must-have in every single parent home with kids under age eight. The ending includes blank spaces in which your child is instructed to “draw a picture of your family.”

4. Horton Hatches the Egg by Dr. Seuss

It’s about abandonment, perseverance, overcoming real obstacles, loyalty, and ultimately about joy. (Thanks for this one, Dr. Leah!)

5. Do I Have a Daddy? by Jeanne Warren Lindsay

Deals with abandonment. Intense and best for older kids.

6. A Chair For My Mother by Vera B. Williams

It’s not about a single mother per say, but the main characters are a mother, her daughter, and the grandmother — no mention of a father. Their apartment burns and they find a new place. It’s about three women working and living together.

7. The Best Single Mom in the World: How I Was Adopted by Mary Zisk

A girl tells how her mother decided to become a single parent and traveled overseas to adopt her.

~~~

I was not endorsed to say anything in this post, but let me add that Larry Weissman, an agent I greatly admire, just turned me onto this amazing site, Books Equal Gifts.

“Because a book just might be the best gift this holiday season…” Don’t you agree?

Please add your feedback — and add any children’s book titles I’ve left out!

P.S. Single dads: where are the children’s books for YOU?

There are lots of children’s books out there for two-dad families, but how about the single/divorced dad?

This week, Dr. Leah and I have written a letter to Britney Spears, in which we ask her to cancel her upcoming tour.

Her two boys need her right now, the tour can wait. (We know that she’ll go anyway, but it doesn’t hurt to ask?)

One of my faithful single dad readers, Phil, says that we’re “giving Britney too much credit.”

He adds that “her father is now legally in charge of her. I don’t believe any business decisions are up to her anymore. I heard she had more legal rights when she was 13 on the Mickey Mouse Club than she does now. I also doubt if she has an option for opting out of a tour, I’m sure her contract requires tour support. It’s all about big business, nothing else is considered.”

Is this true? Is she now a puppet in the music industry? What happened to the mom Britney?

We’d love to hear what you think!

To read our letter, please visit Singlemommyhood.com.

Disclaimer: my kid might very well disagree with the following, but I think the best gift you can give to your child this season is: connection.

That’s right: making your children feel special isn’t about buying new, fancy things for them — even if they’re begging. (You should hear mine asking for that Nintendo DS lately…)

“Things,” however, are not going to make your child feel loved. Getting close to your child — physical affection and attention — is.

Do you agree that it’s this simple?

So, over Thanksgiving weekend, I encourage you to take just ten minutes, or less — in the morning and evening — to connect with your child. And report back here, okay?

Mae and I also have another special adventure in store this weekend.

Although some kid explained to her two years ago that Santa wasn’t for real… she’s still very into the holiday spirit. (I’m known to get quite cynical around the holidays, but fortunately I have a kid who embraces this time of year with incredible enthusiasm.)

We often talk about the fact that kids around the country don’t have as many “things” as we do. So, this year, I’m encouraging Mae to write a letter to put in a special Santa letterbox at Macy’s. (If you know me, then you know that we celebrate a bit of Christmas and Hanukkah around here!)

For each letter received, Macy’s will donate $1 to the Make-A-Wish Foundation.

If your child writes a letter, and you want to share it here, please do!

Click on the mailbox image to watch this very sweet video…

Here’s more info about advertising on Single Mom Seeking.

I love Odwalla juice. But I don’t love the fact that all those plastic bottles pollute our Earth.

Fortunately, Odwalla is one of those companies that with both environmental and social responsibilities.
Juice manufacturer Odwalla is based in my neck of the woods, in northern California. The company contributes to farmland conservation and keeps 99% of its fruit and vegetable waste out of the landfill.

By offering free land to local farmers, Odwalla is able to source much of its fruits and vegetables locally – benefiting both juice quality and the vitality of local communities.

Operating as a closed-loop system, the company uses an anaerobic digestion system on waste water resulting from the juicing process to reduce the amount of waste water effluents.

Odwalla provides recycling programs for its plastic bottles. They’ve also attempted to divert organic waste from landfills by selling their pulp to livestock feed. Employees are encouraged to turn off or shut down idle processing equipment, lights, fans, air compressors, and other types of energy consuming components that are not being used.

Fortunately, other companies are stepping up, too: beer producer Sierra Nevada provides feed for dairy and beef cows through the spent grain, hops and yeast collected after brewing!

Ice cream maker Häagen Dazs recently began a honey bee conservation program. Since many of its fresh fruit ingredients depend on honeybee pollination, it makes sound business sense to aid in the honey bees’ plight.

Update: Single Mom Seeking Sanity’s post about why she — a 30-something single mom — wears a promise ring.

I know that many of you have tweens or teens. And I officially have one now, too.

As you might also know, Mae is a huge fan of pop stars like the Jonas Brothers, Selena Gomez, and Miley Cyrus — all of whom wear promise rings, or “purity rings.”

In case you missed the Video Music Awards this week, a ‘promise ring’ debate was spurred after VMA host Russell Brand derided the Jonas Brothers for their purity vow.

That night, VMA’s host took a shot at the three Jonas Brothers and their vow to remain virgins until marriage.

In response, singer Jordin Sparks proudly showed off her own purity ring and shot back:

“I just have one thing to say about promise rings,” she announced to the audience. “It’s not bad to wear a promise ring, because not everybody — guy or girl — wants to be a slut.”

Will I buy my kid a promise ring in a few years?

I doubt it. I hope that our relationship is open and honest enough that we’ll talk.

When I put this question out to Facebook, my writer friend Ericka Lutz – mom of a teen — said:

“Uhhh, in a word or seven, ‘Are you out of your friggin’ mind?’ They don’t work and just lead to lies and hypocrisy.”

A single mom who reads this blog added:

“No way, no how. I’d rather my daughter know all there is to know about safe sex and feel confident in exploring her sexuality. Committing to a vow of chastity leads to…I don’t know…Bristol Palin?”

If any of you have tween or teen kids, I’d love to hear what you think about promise rings… Clearly, there are single parents all across the country who believe in them.

Photo of the Jonas Brothers at 2008 MTV Video Music Awards from PRPhotos.com

Evan Kamida would have been eight years old tomorrow. As you know, I have an eight-year-old. Although I never got to meet Evan in person, I felt like I knew him. This is because I once edited his mother’s columns at Literary Mama, where her powerful words about her son first went into print.

After years of cyber-correspondence, I got the chance to meet Evan’s mom, Vicki Forman, at BlogHer.

On the way home from BlogHer, I read her essay about Evan on BART, just published in Love You to Pieces: Creative Writers on Raising a Child with Special Needs, edited by Suzanne Kamata.

Now I sit here speechless, with tears in my eyes. Like thousands of parents around the world, I’m also so stunned and saddened.

Evan’s memorial is this morning in Pasadena, CA. If you have a blog and would like to participate in a cybermemorial, friends and writers around the world are honoring Evan by taking pictures of flowers on swings because Evan loved to swing. You can get more information here.

Whether you’re the parent of a special needs child or not, please read something about Evan this week. You can browse Vicki’s essays, columns, and blog as you send every ounce of love to her and her family.

If you would like to make a donation to Evan’s memorial fund, please go here.

Top photo of Vicki and Evan; bottom photo of smiling Evan, courtesy of Vicki Forman.

I was just drafting a post about being safe when you’re a single parent blogger, and my sweet dad called to give me the heads up about today’s San Francisco Chronicle.

In today’s article about “Mommy Bloggers,” Heather Armstrong — aka Dooce – says she “has seen photos of her daughter manipulated online.”

MommyBlogging: Public Parenting & Privacy was the most challenging workshop I attended at BlogHer. The room was filled with fear. One mother told me later that the paranoia was too much for her.

The session began with a discussion about safety and our kids: sex predators, kidnapping, people stealing photos without permission, strangers finding out where you live, legal issues. If you’d like to read more detailed notes about the workshop, Rose’s Life did a great “live” write-up during the discussion.

It was very helpful to hear what Shino Tanaka — a former police officer and current community manager at BabyCenter.com — said about the realities of “stranger danger.” More than 80 percent of the children abducted every year are taken by people we know. Moreover, more than half of the cyberstalking cases are from people we know.

Crystal McKee — who uses real names and posts pictures on her blog Boobs, Injuries, and Dr. Pepper – writes about her 15 year-old son who was missing for 10 years. When she got her son back, she started telling his story.

“In real life, I’m very protective of my children,” Crystal said. “I’m more worried about the creepy guy who might live across the street.”

Many mommy bloggers raised their hands to say that it was their husband’s idea to keep the kids’ names and photos off the blog. If I were married, I probably wouldn’t have a blog.

This blog grew out of my book, in which I’d already disclosed my real name, as well as my child’s. Even so, I was very cautious about going online.

Today, two years later, the community and support I’ve discovered — with all of you — far outweighs any fears I might have.

Your turn. Let’s hear from the bloggers who post real names and photos. What are your thoughts? And how about those of you who use pseudonyms and don’t post photos? Why did you make this decision?

Notes from the Trenches, watermarks the photos of her kids and has a private flickr account. She’s being cautious; but she added that she’s not going to live in fear. Like Chris, I plan to start watermarking my photos soon.

In the meantime, if any of you have seen photos of Mae and me floating around the web, would you let me know? I’ve already found a couple of stolen pics on the web. I’ll alert you if I see a photo of you or your kids in a place it shouldn’t belong, okay?

Let’s use this this technology to keep our eyes out for each other… this is one of positive angles of blogging. I say: let’s be there for each other. Don’t you?

Example of watermarked baby Mae from PHOTRADE, a company I discovered at BlogHer. I’m going to watermark all my photos here, I just have to figure out how to get that watermark off little Mae’s face. Help Photrade!