That don’t kill me
Can only make me stronger
I need you to hurry up now
Cause I can’t wait much longer
I know I got to be right now

Every time my phone rings, it reminds me to lean on myself — not on a man.

Seven years ago, I had just stepped into the world of single motherhood. I’d come home in November 2000 to find his keys pushed under our apartment door in New York City - after he’d locked it. He was not coming back. There was no note. Within a few hours, I’d sent him an email. I wanted to know if he was alive.

He wrote write back from somewhere unknown:

As much as I love and need you both, I feel that you are better off without me for now.

I need to feel that I can give and be more than I have been. I love you both.

~~~

Love?

I didn’t know what love was then. I probably still don’t know, but I have a better idea.

For months, I rushed everywhere like a mad woman, although I had nowhere to go. Today, at last, I’m finding pleasure in the simple:

Mae’s curls,

and the way she says “Thank you, Mama.”

Dark chocolate,

and carrot ginger soup.

Dinner with my single mom girlfriends and our daughters,

and your comments here.

Please tell me: What keeps you strong?

P.S. Kanye was raised by a single mom, Donda West, who died in November.

Photo of Kanye West from PRphotos.com

But as you might know, I’m not considered to be a true Jew in all circles. After I first “outed” myself in the local Jewish San Francisco media, the letters started pouring in:

“I feel sorry for you,” a woman wrote.

“If you and I were across a table in a café I would have more loyalty to Judaism than to a woman I just met,” one man said.

This week, you can read all about it in the blog, Your Jewish Mother.

When I was pregnant, choosing a midwife took precedence over choosing my child’s faith. When my daughter turned two, I sent her to a Jewish preschool because it was the closest to our home — and had a great reputation. As you might also know, Mae is biracial. Fortunately, in the Bay Area, the Jewish community is very diverse. Now that Mae is seven, she loves everything about Jewish tradition.

But I can’t help but wonder if she’ll face the same kind of unfairness I did.

If you’re a single/divorced parent, how are you raising your children?

Are you finding support in your religious community? If so, how?