When I first heard that single dad Jason Mesnick was going to be “The Bachelor,” I was skeptical.

After his appearance on “The Bachelorette,” hundreds of women had tried to contact Jason. ABC got so flooded with requests that the network gave him a personal email account.

Many of these women wanted to date him, and many were begging him to go back on the show — as “The Bachelor.” (Don’t get me started about whether he’s looking for love — or fame.)

But my curiosity is getting the best of me.

I’ll be watching the “The Bachelor” premiere tonight (Monday) on ABC with a two-hour special starting at 8 p.m.

How could I miss it? For the first time ever, “The Bachelor” is a single dad.

Mesnick has left his son back home — with his ex-wife and parents — to move into a Los Angeles bachelor pad. He will meet 25 suitors, including four single mothers.

Will you be watching the show, too?

~~~

When my kid was a preschooler — like Jason’s Mesnick’s three-year-old son, Ty - I was idealistic and hopeful, too. (Although given the chance, I would not have left my kid for weeks in order to move into a bachelorette pad in L.A.)

I wonder how I’ll feel as I watch the show. At the moment, I’m skeptical about finding The One. Maybe that’s what online dating does to us.

Is it really so hard to find love nowadays? Really now.

Why is it so challenging to connect to another human being — and have a healthy, loving, lasting relationship?

Are we really that complicated?

Or, that picky?

Read more about the ideal woman Jason Mesnick is looking for at Singlemommyhood.com.

Don’t worry. Although this post’s title might hint otherwise, I’m not going to ask you to write down your New Year’s Resolutions. I don’t believe in them.

In case you haven’t figured it out yet, I’m the kind of woman who usually breaks resolutions. Imposing hard and fast rules on myself just doesn’t work for me (Is it the same for you? Welcome to the club!).

Instead, I believe in intention. As in, having a purpose.

During the holiday hustle, Mae and I took a break to do just that. I’m not what you call crafty, but I can manage a glue stick.

Every year at this time, she and I have sat down with old magazines to make “life vision” collages. It’s as simple as cutting out pictures to symbolize our hopes and dreams for the 2009.

Let’s just say that Mae’s collage is one big montage of candies and sweets. (Sigh.)

RJ Jaramillo, founder of SingleDad.com, is one serious guy when it comes to planning his life. Instead of making collages, he sits down with his kids to write “Life Plan worksheets.”

“If we discover what makes us ‘happy,’ we then have a direction, an action a feeling, or an event in our lives and minds that fosters motivation and inspiration with the rest of our daily activities,” says RJ.

“The first question is, ‘How do we capture our happiness?’ ”

I’ve tried to capture mine visually, through words and images — yes, that’s my collage, above.

Your turn: What makes you happy? (You know that I’m going to put this question to “T” when she visits!)

If you were going to make a life vision collage for 2009, what’s one image you’d include? C’mon now, just one.

If any of you make collages, send me the JPEGs, and I’ll post them here!

She’s a single mom.

She writes a very steamy, self-reflective blog.

This line of hers just might give it away: “I’ll admit there are some days when I don’t know whether to meditate or masturbate. Both equally intrigue me and satisfy my needs. And help me sleep better.”

Can you guess who she is?

I feel blessed to “know” all of you here. First you’ve found your way to this site. Then, you actually take the time out of your busy hectic days to read the posts. Lastly, you put in the time and thoughtfulness to comment. Wow.

I’ve had the chance to meet a handful of you in person. Some of you have been even sweeter – and goofier – then I’d imagined.

My most recent visitor was RJ, founder of SingleDad.com. As fate would have it, we even made a video to try to answer one of this “mystery” mom’s questions about dating as a single parent…

Head’s up: this video gives away her identity.

You’ll see that the video gets a little jumpy when my cell phone went off, and I tried to cut that bit out. (Sorry RJ!).

So, this mystery single mom is coming to visit me for five days!

If there’s anything you’re dying to know about her in person, here’s your chance to ask. I’ll do my best to get her behind the camera. (I don’t think it will be too hard, do you?)

P.S. And off topic, RJ with glasses… or without? What do you say? I know that you single moms have opinions!

One of my single dad friends — we actually became friends via online dating! — just emailed to ask for some advice. Since all of you have so much life experience, I thought I’d turn to you. Thanks!

So, D. — the divorced dad of a toddler — was dating a woman for five months, after which they moved in together. (I can hear some of you now: She moved in with you after just five months? What were you thinking?)

Judgments aside, living together made them realize that they weren’t meant for each other. There was no drama, fortunately, and she has recently found another place.

“She is coming by soon to pick up the rest of her stuff,” D. writes. “But here’s my question: how do I discuss this topic with my three-year-old? I don’t want to raise a kid who has separation anxiety and thinks that everyone vanishes.”

D. has been doing his best to explain to his son that his girlfriend his moving out:

“While I’m here to listen to him, I’m afraid that he might be saying that he still misses her six months from now,” he says. “Do you have any suggestions? Thoughts? Anything?”

My two cents?
As much as we try to be the very BEST parents — and always do everything right for our kids — life doesn’t always work out so magically.

You got attached — and your son got attached. That’s what relationships are about, and good for you for letting your son have his feelings.

You might say things like:

“It will be different without [her name] here, won’t it?”

“It’s sad to say ‘good bye, isn’t it?”

Remember this: your son had his own relationship with your girlfriend, separate from your romantic relationship.

I wonder: Can your ex phase out of your son’s life gradually?

Hopefully, at least over the holidays, she spend a little time with your son? Say, they can go out for ice cream? That way, he can transition into letting her go?

I know that many of you have been there!

If you have kids under five, especially, how have you handled a break up?

Let’s hear from you. Thank you.

P.S. If you haven’t watched the video with Single Dad RJ about when to introduce your child to your girlfriend or boyfriend, please watch it below. Let us know your thoughts.

Photo by Jason Nelson

This is by far the most popular question I hear from single parents:

I’ve been dating someone and really see a future in “us.”

But when — and how — do I introduce my boyfriend/girlfriend to my kids?

If you have shared custody with an ex, it’s much easier to keep your dating and parenting lives separate.

But what if you’re a solo parent, like yours truly? How can you both be a good parent… and have a love life?

This is what RJ — founder of SingleDad.com — and I discuss on our new video, “How do you introduce your child to your new boyfriend/girlfriend?”

• Should you set up a time line?

Many parents make a rule: I won’t introduce anyone to my kids until we’ve dated for three — or even six — months. Does that work?

• Should you consider your child’s age?

Young children might get clingy, or feel threatened. You can talk more openly with an older child, but what if he/she doesn’t want to meet Mommy or Daddy’s new friend?

• Where you do introduce your boyfriend/girlfriend to your kids?

At a restaurant, like Kate Hudson? Hint: not at your home, or his. So, where?

• How do you introduce your date to your child?

Hint: we do not recommend that you say “This is my boyfriend/my girlfriend.”

So, please watch the video… and let us hear what you think!

We would love to know how and when you’ve introduced your “special friend” to your kids.

This single dad’s story might ring true for many of you. It sure does for me.

A 40-year-old dad whom I’ll call “Karl” fell in love with a woman last year, and within six months they were expecting a baby. Although becoming parents so soon was rushed, they were so into each other that it didn’t seem to matter.

But not longer after their son was born, they were arguing. All the time. Maybe this wasn’t so surprising: they’d become mom and dad before having any real foundation as a couple.

So now what?

“We can’t seem to agree on anything,” Karl says, adding that she moved out a few months ago. “I want to stay with her for our son, for whom I’d do anything. If I love my son as much as I say I do, it should be easy to stay, right?”

But it doesn’t feel easy. They see each other every week, to split time with their son. Whenever they communicate, they can’t seem to agree about anything.

“I wonder who many of the parents who read your blog try to stay in relationships despite their problems?” he asks.

“How long do they think someone should stay…because there is a kid involved?”

~~~
Hey, single parents — what advice do you have for this dad? Please chime in.

My advice for him?

Push the “pause” button on romance — and sex — for now. It’s time to focus on co-parenting with your son’s mother. Try to let go of any expectations you might have about your future with her — and focus on parenting. This is what matters right now.

I’m sure that you two have so many feelings — anger, resentment, disappointment. You might consider getting the help of a good counselor/therapist. If your relationship is really tense, this could be a good first step.

Your turn! Please help him out–

Photo from Vivek

Mae starts third grade on Tuesday, so we’re in major back-to-school mode over here. You, too?

Get a load of this timing: in my Inbox there’s an email from Angela, a single mom of two kids who would “love to get some advice.”

Her kids go to a private school, where there is a handful of divorced parents. But most of the kids at the school have traditional two-parent families.

“I break my you-know-what to make sure my kids are clean, dressed beautifully, polite, educated and well adjusted — and they are!” Angela writes. “I take them on beautiful trips and we do things together all the time.”

So, what’s the problem?

“There is one mother who constantly comments about the fact that I’m divorced,” says Angela. “She does it right to my face, at school.”

This is the mom who volunteers every week in her kids’ rooms — so she always seems to be at school, and she is clearly preying on Angela. Here’s just a taste of what this married mom has said to her:

“You know, your kids are really despite the fact that you are a single parent.”

Once, this married mom “caught” Angela out on a weekend hike with a friend. The mom stopped her: “So, your ex must have the kids? I guess that’s one benefit of being divorced I never thought of.”

Up until this point, Angela has been polite. She has nodded at this woman and walked away. But enough is enough. School is starting this week, and Angela wants to know to deal with this rude mom.

“What really gets me is that this woman doesn’t have a clue that her life could change in a moment’s notice,” adds Angela. “You just don’t know–”

Since all of you are the best support out there… I turn to you. What should this mom do? Or not do?

P.S. I wrote back to Angela: “This woman clearly has some real issues — that have nothing to do with you. This smacks of jealousy.” Still, what should she do?

Photo of my little goofball on her first day of kindergarten. I tried to take her photo outside the school, and she kept jumping in front of the camera. She ran into the room, so excited! Thank goodness I waited to bawl until I got back outside the school, so she didn’t see–

Here’s Joseph, the divorced dad of three children. He finalized his divorce more than two years ago and sounds like a devoted dad.

Joseph recently fell for a single mom of two kids, who “went through a divorce a few months after I did.” They were friends first, and to complicate matters, their kids are friends, too.

“During our divorces, we became very close. Recently, we decided to take it to the next level– I’m very attracted to her. I have told her that I really care about her–”

So, what’s the problem, you wonder?

“She says that she doesn’t think she will could ever fall in love again,” Joseph says. “I asked her ‘So, are we a couple?’ She just laughed and said ‘We are just friends with benefits.’ “

“Look, I am not a teenager anymore. Sure, I’m having fun, but I want — and need — more in my life. Should I hang on and hope that things will turn around?”

I was blunt with Joseph. I told him: this woman is being very honest with you. It doesn’t sound like she’s emotionally available to you. If you’re ready for a real relationship, move on.

I know that many of you have had similar experiences. What do you think? Any words of wisdom for Joseph?

Thanks!

Photo by Duchessa

I’m not sure how many of you saw this comment yesterday from one of the new single dads on the “blogging block:”

Just A Man’s Journey lost his wife one year after their divorce, and he’s raising two daughters (ages 9 and 4) and one son (age 7) on his own. He describes himself as “a full-time dad” whose “primary focus is the well-being and emotional health of my kids.” He regularly reads single mom blogs, where he gains “a lot of insight.”

“I was raised where sex is a private discussion and kept behind the closed doors of a relationship,” Just A Man’s Journey writes. “Today we see a culture that is more open with it.”

This is why he landed at Single Mom Seeking to ask a “question that I’d like to raise to this wonderful community of modern day mothers.”

“I am okay with the birds and the bees conversation as well as the puberty conversations,” he writes. But his concern is that “things are moving a whole lot faster pace than they use to.”

For example, he has followed the posts about sex toys here — “and I have my concerns about addressing certain things with them.”

I wrote him an email to say: “It’s clear that you want to do the right thing. Any mention of sex toys is not appropriate. This is for adults-only and is too much information.”

But I add: At this point, what’s important is that his daughters feel safe and comfortable asking him questions. Having another woman to lean on — his sister — is a great idea! It’s important for girls to know their bodies are THEIRS. Answer any questions they might have, and ask them questions in return (”Why do you think so-and-so?)

I think what Just A Man’s Journey is really concerned about is this: his daughters will soon have their share of questions about their bodies, boys, relationships…. He wonders if he should answer these questions, or ask another woman to do so?

He ends: “Maybe I am just thinking too far in advance or maybe I just need to cover more things that were hidden from me by both parents and society. Any advice?”

Time for you to jump in! Single moms, let’s hear your advice.

Single dads of daughters, time to speak up!

Photo from simmbarb

First, E., thanks for being bold and reaching out. Here goes:

E. met this 32-year-old single mom just two weeks ago on Eharmony. I know that many of your single mama readers will be up in arms, but this single mom brought her two-year-old son on their first date.

“The night of our first date, her sitter called to cancel an hour before our date,” E. writes. “Rather than postponing, I asked if she wanted to bring her son along.”

He explained to her that he’s an active uncle with his four nephews and three nieces, and that “I would be completely ok with her having her son at the restaurant as long as she was.”

So, she brought her kid along — he “was great bridge in getting over the nerves of meeting her for the first time” — and they’ve been seeing each other since.

This single guy wants to know: “Do you have any tips or advice for a single man with no kids who’s dating a mother of a two-year-old?”

He ends with: “I look forward to any advice you and your readers have. I’m treading on new ground here and would like to avoid any land mines. LOL!”

No doubt, many of you will tell E. that suggesting she bring her son was a big No-No. That’s done, let’s refrain from judging. In the meantime, the two have spent a lot of time together, “just the two of us. I have seen her son since the first date, but he has not joined us on any of our adventures together.”

Lastly, his single mom girlfriend has been divorced for six months. E. adds that “the father is involved but not very active. He has seen his son a handful of times in the last six months.”

Take it away single moms:

Should E. offer to pay for a sitter when they go out? Should he be jumping into make dinner?

What kind of advice would you give E. about respecting this mom’s space… and making boundaries?

Is it okay for this mom, say, to sneak E. into her home… after her son is asleep? Or, should they take it very slow?

Photo courtesy of RED Visual Group