Getting married after a decade of single motherhood

by singlemomseeking on October 4, 2012

Getting married after you’ve been a single mom for 10 years is a big deal. I know. Because that describes me.

Now, it’s Desiree’s turn.

I met Desiree six years ago when she walked into Bananas to join the single parents’ support group I was leading. She has the loveliest smile.

She has been a solo mom of since the beginning, like me, without any support from her ex. We kept overlapping:

  • We’d both moved to New York City to go back to college
  • And then moved back to the Bay Area with our daughters after graduating
  • At the time, I was writing middle school English textbooks; and she was teaching middle school English

Desiree introduced me to the best Korean food in Oakland. She got my to try karaoke for my first time (not pretty). And she got me out of the house on weekends to take our daughters to the De Young museum and Mrs. Grossman’s sticker factory.

When Desiree got a job offer in Arizona (where she’d lived as a kid) to teach humanities at an amazing school, I was excited for her. But I missed her. A lot. After our girls went to bed, we called each other across states to chat about how tough it was date. I knew how exhausting it was to scroll through all of those online profiles, and try to find childcare so you could go on a coffee date.

By then, I’d met Chris. And I was so happy when Desiree flew to California for my wedding.

I told her that she deserved to be with someone who adored her. But I knew that after so many years on your own, you start to wonder if all dating is worth it. By this point, you know that you can do it alone. Still, you imagine a bigger love, a love with someone else that grows and grows.

And then, Desiree’s phone call: “I met someone.”

She’d signed up for OKCupid. And on her very first date on the site, she met Wellington. It didn’t take them long to connect the dots: their families used to belong to the same church. They realized that they’d met each other before… when they were five years old!

When I first met Wellington – on a windy boat ride to Alcatraz Island when Desiree last visited – I watched him closely.

He helped Desiree’s daughter descend the ramp as we got off the boat, with his hand on her shoulder. He looked back at Desiree and smiled at her, so sweetly. He also answered all of my “test” questions, as I drilled him about his life.

In two weeks, I’m headed Desiree’s wedding at Poco Diablo Resort under the metal blue sky in Sedona, Arizona. And I’m sure I’ll cry.

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{ 3 comments… read them below or add one }

Monique October 5, 2012 at 7:18 am

Awwww Congrats to her!


T October 4, 2012 at 9:32 pm

Awww! This made me tear up too! Congrats to Desiree!

Thank you for sharing her sweet story.


The Sexy Single Mommy October 4, 2012 at 4:27 pm

What a sweet story and congrats to both of you. Hopefully one day I will meet that special someone and then be able to kiss single motherhood goodbye.


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