Snapshot: First Comes Motherhood Then Comes Marriage

by singlemomseeking on September 17, 2012

I’ve missed writing my Snapshot posts about single moms who are getting remarried, dating, or blending their families. If this describes you and you’d like to be featured, please contact me! It makes me very happy to be featuring amazing parents again!


I first crossed paths with single mom and writer Michelle Fiordaliso in 2009 when I read her book Everything You Always Wanted to Know About Ex.

Michelle’s name popped up again recently in The New York Times “Modern Love — a column I devour every week — when she wrote about how much she loves her son, Joe: “I was petrified by how much I loved him.”

When I reached out to Michelle recently, I realized how many times we’d been down similar paths. She noticed, too. “I think that similarity in our histories was the first thing I noticed when I first found Single Mom Seeking,” she says.

For starters, we both had our kids at age 27. Joe’s dad and I only knew one another for a few months when I got pregnant,” Michelle says. “He left shortly after Joe was born.”

When Michelle told me about launching her blog “First Comes Motherhood Then Comes Marriage,” I smiled. Because that sums up my path for sure:

“I’ve been a 24/7 single mom for 12 years. The lack of free time and money for sitters made it near impossible to date. So, I often fell into things (and then stayed too long) with the kinds of men that were around me. I chose men that weren’t interested in the kind of commitment I was looking for. They weren’t bad people, they just wanted different things.”

“I think being a mother first has made me a better candidate to be a good wife. It’s taught me about compromise and commitment. The blog title also reminds me to trust the order in which things unfolded in my life. They’ll be plenty of time for marriage and I finally feel surrendered that it will happen when it’s meant to happen.”

Michelle compares finishing her novel to dating, equally “exciting and terrifying:”

“I battled the defeated feeling of getting so very close to having the book published and then having to do another batch of revisions before that happens,” Michelle says. “If I’m not there yet, heck, I’m determined to enjoy the process of honing my craft until I am. I don’t believe art and self-expression have to equal suffering. Neither does dating.”

Having carved out time to finish her novel, she’s now learning how to carve out time to date. Today, Michelle says that she’s “dating with the intention of finding a partner who is also looking for partnership.”

I have a feeling that Michelle will find that partner soon. I’m rooting for her!

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