You can’t blog about it

by singlemomseeking on July 22, 2012

I first started blogging about my dating life as the single mom of a toddler for Literary Mama. Way back in 2003. I knew someday  my daughter — who spun around me in her tutu as I typed — would become a teenager. But that day seemed so far away.

Which explains why I wrote about my life so openly. The nights when I felt like I had no one to turn to, you, my readers, showed up, listened, and left comments.

Deep into single motherhood by then, I knew I could do this alone. But I didn’t want to. Underneath my self-deprecating jokes, and I-had-another-horrible-date grumbles, I wanted to be with a man who’d say “I’m here” for the rest of my life.

A year after my book came out, I squeezed myself into a tiny chair for my daughter’s second grade parent-teacher conference. By now, I was used to showing up at school events by myself by now. But as much as I patted myself on the back for raising my daughter solo, I still longed for a partner.

As my daughter’s teacher told me what a creative, sweet child she was – the teacher actually used the words, “I love her” – I wanted to glance over at him. Whoever he might have been, and watch his face beam with a that’s-our-girl smile. Instead, I thanked my daughter’s teacher, walked home, and logged online.

Blogging for me had turned into that comfortable chair in which I cuddled up at the end of the day, the place where I could vent. That night, I blogged about going to the parent-teacher conference alone, and you, my readers, thankfully, were that “someone.”  

Around this time, when I picked my third grader after school, she was scowling. I figured she was hungry, but a bowl of macaroni and cheese didn’t change her mood.

“I’m listening if you want to talk about it,” I told her.

“If I tell you,” she barked back, “you can’t blog about it.”

I bit my bottom lip. The day was here: she didn’t want me to write about her anymore.

Fortunately, I’d met that “someone. I married Chris (yep, that’s his real name) in 2010, after he’d asked if he could join our family. I longed to tell you about the challenges of joys of blending our family – but that’s challenging to do when you’ve got to leave out one of the main characters.

When I got pregnant this year, a girlfriend asked me, “You’re going to have another baby so you can blog again, aren’t you?”

I laughed. But she had a point. Do we, as writers, have a right to record our children’s lives when they’re little? But at what point do our kids’ stories become their own?

In April, after giving birth to a second daughter in April, I told you: “It’s a girl!”

But I haven’t blogged much about my new baby. Because I’m still trying to figure out how much to share about our new addition.  For now, most of my thoughts and feelings live offline. And for now, that feels right.

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{ 6 comments… read them below or add one }

T July 23, 2012 at 8:57 pm

I love you and your family so much. I think blogging is so good for creating friendships – real and virtual – online, especially when you’re tackling life alone. When a wonderful support system shows up, of course things look a little different. Sometimes, you just want to relish in the realness and not think about how to write it out, you know?

Enjoy your life and write what makes you feel comfortable.

I’ll still be here. :)

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Glenda July 24, 2012 at 10:54 am

Best to you and your family. I continue to check in and I agree with what T stated: write what makes you feel comfortable… I’ll continue to check in. :)

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Heather {Desperately Seeking Sanity} July 25, 2012 at 5:03 am

I know how you feel. Thing 1 and 2 are 15 and 13… Thing 3 and 4 are 10 and 8… while the younger don’t care, the older ones do. (They don’t even like me to tag them in pictures… but I do anyway!)

And I respect their wishes for me not to put it online, but for me, I miss blogging. I miss the community. I miss the friendships formed. So now, I’m trying to find that balance… so that we’re both happy.

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Amanda July 26, 2012 at 6:00 am

What about moving from your own personal blog to a venue where you blog once or twice a week about specific topics- like for Babble? I like Thomas Beller there. That way you’d craft the posts much more like essays and be selective about what you’d write about and how you’d put it out there. It would still keep you in the ballpark but maybe shift what you’re doing a bit blogging-wise. Just wanted to throw it out as an idea:)

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Amy Pogrebin July 29, 2012 at 4:44 pm

I miss it. It helped me get through rough times. And, now you’re on a different path~ still ahead of me~ it’d be nice to know what’s around the corner. Doesn’t have to be about your oldest~ it can be about challenges in a new marriage (so that we~ or least me~ would know that we’re not the only ones feeling a certain way), or what it was like to be pregnant the second time round (with a supportive partner~ and maybe a little more widsom) and having a baby again (this time not alone)~ I miss hearing about YOU and how you get through your challenges (even though, it’s different now).

I love ya Rache!

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Tom August 5, 2012 at 4:26 am

There’s some great points raised. I personally am a private person, and my grandfather (of all people) created a blog. While I thought it was amazing thing he was able to do this at his age, I did not like being mentioned and having my picture on there.

A solution for you would be to either find something else to blog about (probably not ideal though) or possibly as mentioned here leave out details or blog somewhere else.

Hope it work out for your blogging!
Tom´s last blog post ..New Criminal Background Check Service Under Review

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