by singlemomseeking on July 19, 2011

Thunderpants‘ cousin got married last weekend, in a meadow next to this pond (above). I felt honored to be there. As I stood under the hot sun, listening to them read their own, hand-written vows, I realized how precious it is to see such two sweet, creative human beings who have chosen to be with each other. After all, that’s what being in a committed relationship is, right? You are choosing each other.

In your life, you don’t get to choose your parents or your siblings. You do your best to relate to the family in which you were born. As an adult, however, you get to decide who you want to be in a relationship with. This really hit me as I watched this wedding ceremony.

For most of the my life, my relationship choices have been impulsive. I’ve unconsciously run off with guys whom I now refer to as “behind the counter.” These men were “behind the counter” because they’d never truly let me see them. And they did not challenge me to show up as myself in the relationship, either. Somehow, this all felt so safe, knowing that we’d never really get close, that I wouldn’t get too hurt.

Then, my single mom friend T dared me write down how I wished to show up in a relationship — it was harder than I thought.

You hold my hand without letting go, even when we hit rough patches.

You get along with your family – or try to.

You want to stretch alongside me, physically and emotionally….

Being the chooser — instead of waiting to get chosen — can feel scary. It’s like you’re walking into a room of strangers with your head held high, smiling, confident about what you want in life. Yet, there’s something powerful. When someone is being disrespectful in a relationship, you won’t take it anymore. You have boundaries now, and you voice them. You’re in charge.

So, how are you showing up as a chooser?

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