Snapshot: How to help your kids blend

by singlemomseeking on May 20, 2011

Wait until you hear how the couple picture above — from 6 Degrees of Love — met.

On their blog, they refer to themselves simply as “Her” and “Him.”

So, two years ago, she was living in her parents’ home in California with her “still-going-to-college-30-something husband and two small children.”

They’d been together since she was 19 years old, and she explains: “Twelve years into our relationship, and eight years into our marriage, we realized it wasn’t going to get better, that we were wrong for one another, and that we should go our separate ways.”

Her ex moved out. In the meantime, she got a job offer in a town three hours away. “I commuted for four months before I was able to convince him to let me move with the kids. He did, and before I knew it, I was 100% on my own single mom.”

“It was hard, harder than anything I’ve ever done,” she says. “But I did it. And the kids–they were good. Better than good.”

In the meantime, she started to dream. She’d never been to Europe, somewhere she’d always wanted to go. So, she got a ticket to London. On a cross-Altantic flight from Detroit, she started chatting with a cute co-passenger from Virginia, who’s pictured above. He was recently-separated and the father of four kids.

“We talked for the entire seven-hour flight,” she says. “We couldn’t stop talking. We shared pictures of our kids… I still pinch myself at the beauty of it.”

Months later, they met up again — in Florida Keys. “It was romantic. But we were both VERY fresh off our separations, so it was also scary, in many ways. But, we knew. This was it. You know how there are those times in life when you just can’t let this opportunity pass? We’d both done that so often in our marriages that we just KNEW we couldn’t do that this time.”

Back home, she started job-hunting in Washington, DC. “I was able to get a job much sooner than I’d thought.”

Here’s where some of you might raise your eyebrows: He and She moved in together — in September 2010 — before any of the kids had met each other.

Granted, they’d met each other’s kids numerous times during cross-country trips. So, she first moved out east solo, while her kids were with their dad. She had time to prepare her kids’ emotionally for the move — and to set up their new home before they arrived.

“We approached it with the knowledge that our kids are JUST KIDS,” she says. “They just want to be loved, to feel safe — and most importantly, they did NOT choose this.”

“Forgiveness is important and key,” she adds. She forgives the kids for acting out when they afraid — and she forgives herself for NOT letting them act out when they probably need to.

“We make sure they all know that, no matter what, they are loved. We tell them that it’s always okay to tell us how they are feeling. We will not judge them or make them feel bad. We use words like ‘We understand’ and ‘It’s okay’ and ‘You have a right to feel that way.’ It is exhausting and time consuming, but worth it.”

In the meantime, they’re planning a “meaningful, special wedding ceremony in which we can truly encapsulate our entire family — and what it means to join the kids together as one family.”

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