Snapshot: Getting married to a man without kids

by singlemomseeking on February 11, 2011

For years, I vowed that I would only date single dads. I thought, “If he’s a father, he’ll just get it, right?” Clearly, that wasn’t a very realistic assumption — and in the end, I found myself dating a guy without kids.

So, when I recently connected (via Twitter) to a single mom blogger who’s getting married to a man — without kids — I knew that I wanted to know more. If you haven’t yet landed on Sarah’s well-written, informative My San Francisco Budget Wedding, please do!

Wait until you hear about how Sarah and her guy found each other:

“Tony and I met in Tucson, Arizona, when I was 14 and he was 17, way back in 1987. It was love at first sight. We dated for one and a half years, but parted ways at the end of Tony’s first year of college,” Sarah says, explaining that the age gap between a 20-year-old man and a not-quite 16-year-old girl is quite a bit larger than it is today.

Sarah and Tony went off to college — after which they both got married to other people. In the meantime, they moved around quite a bit and lost touch. Sarah had two kids — and then she and her ex decided to split. In the meantime, she and Tony “bumped” into each other on Facebook, when they realized that they lived just an hour from each other.

“We exchanged emails for a few weeks until we decided to meet during lunch one day,” Sarah says. “As soon as I saw him again, we hugged, and I held onto his hand as if he was going to blow away. Our timing was not perfect because I had very recently separated from my now ex-husband, which meant that I was still quite raw from my separation.”

“The thing with a lost-and-found love that a lot of people don’t understand, though, is that we didn’t need months or years of dating to get to know one another. So, we never really “dated” in the traditional sense. I met him for lunch one day, we held hands, and that was it.”

Sarah waited a few months to introduce her kids — who will soon be four and seven — to Tony. “Tony does not have any children of his own, and had never been around children much. As a result, we had some conflicts over parenting. Part of this was that he did not have a good understanding of their developmental stages and expected them to behave in ways that they were not yet capable of behaving.”

One of the first things they did was take a parenting class together. “When we find ourselves disagreeing about kid-related issues, we go back to the class materials as a refresher…. The kids love Tony, especially when we are together, but they had some tension because their dad was angry about the situation.”

Finding special activities just for Tony and the kids has helped their transition. “Tony is teaching my daughter how to paint. And he and my son play together beautifully — with matchbox cars or action figures.  There are still moments, especially if I am around, when they only want me and fight with one another about who gets to sit next to me or hold my hand.”

Stay tuned to hear about Sarah’s upcoming family-friendly wedding — and keep in touch with SF Budget Wedding via Twitter.

So, have you ever dated a man without kids?

Or, maybe you’re a single mom — or dad — who got married to someone without kids?

Has being with a kid-less partner brought up any challenges? Say, with your kids? Or, with your ex who might feel threatened by your new partner?


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February 11, 2011 at 10:36 pm

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