Are you afraid of getting married again?

by singlemomseeking on February 4, 2011

A single mom asked me this recently: “Did you feel afraid to get married a second time? I mean, what if it doesn’t last… again?”

Hard swallow. The truth is: Just as much as I was SO excited to begin this journey with my new man, I had some fears, too.

After saying “yes” to Chris’ proposal, it took about 15 minutes for the reality of getting married to set in. Anyone who has been married before (or is married now) knows that it’s so much more than a legal agreement. This time around, there’s my daughter: which means everything I feel about respect and integrity was doubled on that fact alone.

I’ve been around long enough to know forever is an idea. Life brings challenges and change. How do I know that that he’ll stay present through it all? (How do I know that I will, too?) Trust is a process. I can say this out loud 20 times a day. I can write it my journal. I can make these words spin as my screen saver. But how do you actually FEEL that kind of trust in your gut, every day, in the middle of any conflict?

During the months preceding our wedding, odd things would set off my fear, like:

A weekend passing by and getting no time to myself. (I’d learned to cherish my alone time as a single mom. Would I still be able to make time for ME?)

Or, watching the movie “Before Coco Chanel,” the incredible story of the determined, ambitious French designer in the 1900s, who’d vowed to never get married so that she could focus on her career and become successful (which she did). I cried at the end of the movie, as I asked myself: Is it possible to be in a committed, loving relationship with a man… and still succeed as you follow your passions?

Or, future-tripping about packing up my things and moving. Again.

Sometimes my fear comes out in angry pain. I’m working on facing it without shame, openly and honestly, so hopefully it can dissolve. It seems to be working.

If you got married again as a single parent, did you have similar fears? How have you overcome them?

If you’re dating as a single parent, how do you feel about the thought of getting married again?


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