Whenever anyone says to me, “I’m so happy for you,” I nod and smile. But more often than not, I think to myself, “You have no idea what a road it has been.”
I don’t like to write about what that road — what it looked like like or how it felt to walk it — before I met Chris. (And don’t get me wrong, my marriage is really showing me just how much work, intention, and trust a healthy, loving relationship really does take.) Yet sometimes, I browse back through these old blog posts and remember how hopeless I felt about love exactly four years ago.
In 2007, I was off on my book tour — and in the middle of an emotional break-up. (Okay, what break-up isn’t emotional?) It was tough to answer questions about dating and love. I figured that if I talked out loud about being hopeful, maybe it would really sink in.
In the meantime, I got a new job. I started kick boxing three nights a week. I had girlfriends over for dinner. I launched Singlemommyhood. I read a lot. I felt lonely. I wrote in my journal. I cried. And I said “No” to dating.
Then, in late 2008, T from Life’s a Classroom, encouraged me to write a post about “The man I hope to love.” As I wrote a list of all the traits I hoped to find in a man, T reminded me that I needed to BE this list. “We only get what we give away,” she said.
Well, he came into my life a few months later. Coincidence? Maybe not.
I’d love to know:
If you are dating again in the New Year, have you written down the traits you hope to find in a man (or woman)?
Or, have you made an intention to stay single and focus on yourself?
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