Comments on: Snapshot: What being a step-parent means

By: The ideal step-parent? | Single Mom Seeking

The ideal step-parent? | Single Mom Seeking — Fri, 24 Jun 2011 19:10:57 +0000

[...] — and oversensitive. Still, every day, I’m grateful that he has stepped into his role as a Dad with such an open heart, and the desire to be here with so much [...]

By: Snapshot: How to help your kids blend | Single Mom Seeking

Snapshot: How to help your kids blend | Single Mom Seeking — Wed, 25 May 2011 23:14:33 +0000

[...] make sure they all know that, no matter what, they are loved. We tell them that it’s always okay to tell us how they are feeling. We will not judge them [...]

By: Solomother

Solomother — Mon, 27 Dec 2010 17:47:46 +0000

I loved reading everyone’s comments here. Thank you for weighing in with your insights!
It’s been two weeks since the wedding and I’m constantly amazed at how hard–and how right!–blending this family can be. I keep waiting for my new marriage to react to situations the same way my old one did, and am always happily surprised to find I’m a member of a dedicated, committed team whose winning goal is to create a healthy, harmonious home. Some day, I’ll stop waiting for the other shoe to drop!
It’s not easy to blend families. We each make sacrifices but not with the expectation of giving something up… rather, of letting go of habits and ideas that are not healthy for our new family.

And keeping expectations low-key (as opposed to low!) has helped us realize how good this marriage is.

By: Coachdad

Coachdad — Sun, 26 Dec 2010 21:17:47 +0000

Just wanted to wish you and your family a great holiday season. Hope all is well.

By: BlueBella

BlueBella — Wed, 22 Dec 2010 21:53:22 +0000

Great topic! I mirror How Does She Do It Mom’s comments.

My husband did not have kids of his own and my 3 are very young, so when we were dating I made it very clear that dating me means taking on the whole package – kids and all. And, since the kids’ fathers aren’t involved at all, marrying me meant becoming a full time, all inclusive, 100% father.

At first MM wasn’t quite ready for that, but after some time and space he was ready to commit to us completely. He took the time to watch me parent the kids before stepping up and taking part in parenting. He adopted my style with them and gradually took over his share of parenting and cargiving opportunities. He asked questions and really listened when I explained why I did things a certain way. He gave me feedback whenever I questioned my own parenting decisions. He allowed me the opportunity to step back from being 100% Mom at my own pace and jumped in whenever we were both ready for him to assume the responsibility.
Most of all we communicated with each other. We talked about our philosophies on parenting, our experiences with our own parents, and our vision for the future of our family as co-parents. This has lead to a trusting environment where we’re comfortable with each other as parents and the kids are comfortable as well with having a father in their lives.
I think the other thing we have done that has led to our success is to always be on the same ‘team’ as parents. We back each other up and don’t let the kids play us off each other. And believe me, they try! But we make sure we are in constant communication or are listening to what is happening with the other so we know how to react consistantly.
Every day I’m amazed at how our family has grown together, and while MM won’t ever be the childrens’ bio father, he’s assumed that role and responsibility in a way that he is not their step-dad in my mind, he is truly their father.
.-= BlueBella´s last blog ..The Great Shoe Eradication of 2010 =-.

By: Momma Sunshine

Momma Sunshine — Mon, 20 Dec 2010 10:38:15 +0000

I realized a long time ago that my girls don't need another dad. They have a great one now, even if I'm not married to him. My man's role in their lives is to be their friend, another positive adult role model in their lives, and to support me when I'm making parenting decisions. Same goes for my role in the lives of his children. .-= Momma Sunshine´s last blog ..Quote of the Weekend =-.

By: buterflymom

buterflymom — Sun, 19 Dec 2010 00:53:07 +0000

So happy for Christine. I used to love reading her blog. Happy for you too Rachel.

It feels like everyone is getting married. I’m still here single after almost 11 years. My girl is almost grown and going to college next year.

It seems like my time should be coming but I still wonder if it’s possible…………………..

By: How Does She Do It Mom

How Does She Do It Mom — Fri, 17 Dec 2010 01:25:19 +0000

This is a topic that has come up often in my house in the past year. My fiancee, who has no children of his own inherited my two kids as step-kids when he moved in and we got engaged.

We have talked many nights on what the role of a step parent should be…I was very declarative with him when we were discussing getting engaged…”No man will walk into my life forever unless he is willing to love my kids as his own”. He did not for a moments pause consider that an issue. He walked through the door the very first time prepared to assume the role as caregiver, nurturer, authoritarian, educator….basically a parent.

He does a kick ass job at being a step-dad…beats out most bio-dads I know to be honest….and I couldn’t imagine it any other way. If a person is entering into a family with kids I cannot see how they could possibly not assume all those roles….
.-= How Does She Do It Mom´s last blog ..Will 2011 Be Lucky =-.

By: Katherine SOLO dot MOM

Katherine SOLO dot MOM — Thu, 16 Dec 2010 23:00:02 +0000

I like T's comments here. I have been dating my future husband (there I said it) for almost two years and we are working through the process, walking the journey of understanding how each other deals with his own or my own children. (We each have two.) He talks to me about things he observes in the way I interact (especially with my son) and gives me feedback which is helpful not critical. I try to do the same for him. One tip I offer to couples in this stage of blending their families is be patient, time is your friend. Communication with the children is also crucial: Let them express their thoughts about the developing family. At least that is what we are trying to do. His boys are not as verbal as my kiddos, but we are taking it one day at a time. .-= Katherine SOLO dot MOM´s last blog ..Snowflakes =-.

By: Linsey

Linsey — Thu, 16 Dec 2010 22:44:35 +0000

I was 2 when my parents divorced, 4 when my mom started dating Paul, 7 when my biological dad decided to not be a part of our lives (I have an older brother), and 8 when my mom married Paul… who then became my stepdad.

For a long time he was simply,Paul. His first name. We grew closer through my teenage years and he eventually became “Papa”. I am 25 now and he LOVES being my Papa (and I love him as that, too)!