Comments on: How to play well with your ex’s spouse http://singlemomseeking.com/blog/2010/12/how-to-play-well-with-your-exs-spouse/ Remarried and Remodeling Tue, 07 May 2013 01:57:27 +0000 hourly 1 http://wordpress.org/?v=3.5.1 By: Mama Dharma http://singlemomseeking.com/blog/2010/12/how-to-play-well-with-your-exs-spouse/comment-page-1/#comment-16872 Mama Dharma Tue, 18 Jan 2011 04:43:54 +0000 http://singlemomseeking.com/blog/?p=7609#comment-16872 Can’t bring myself to meet her. They have been married for 2.5 years. I guess one day it will happen, but for now I am happy to have no relationship with this woman whatsoever.
.-= Mama Dharma´s last blog ..Revisiting “I HATE Married People” =-.

]]> By: Karen Johnson http://singlemomseeking.com/blog/2010/12/how-to-play-well-with-your-exs-spouse/comment-page-1/#comment-16695 Karen Johnson Thu, 16 Dec 2010 17:14:42 +0000 http://singlemomseeking.com/blog/?p=7609#comment-16695 How much is fair to ask of your second wife and 2nd family when joining the husband, his first children and ex-wife for holiday occassions?

My husband’s children are in their 20′s now. We have been together for 15 years. We have 2 of our own daughters who are 10 and 11.

For the good of his children, I went along with things and joined the Christmas Eve and Christmas dinner traditions which included the ex-wife and later her new partner. The main Christmas events for my husband and his children did not change when I came along. Naively I beleived that over time the traditions might change. Not so.

OUr children came along and they go off to the first family’s same events with us.

I hear what people say – for the good of the children, etc. My husband beleives that is why he continued the same traditions. He is proud of his positive relationship with his first wife. He won’t call her his ex-wife.

This fall he has taken this a step further though. Several times he has referred to Wendy (ex wife) as one of his best friends. He is becoming quite adamant that Wendy and Gord (son) are his family so he wants to spend the special occassions with them. I can agree that Gord (step-son to me) is part of my family, even tho his mum prevented us to have much of a relationship years ago. But I do not want to include Wendy in my family. This is becoming a big issue in my marriage.

I was willing for my nuclear family to join the EX-tended family for Christmas day dinner. In fact, for ,months is has been understood that we are hosting the Christmas dinner (we alternate houses). The usual Christmas Eve event is not happening this year so I saw this as an opportunity to make our own tradition – my husband and our 2 biological daughters. Step son could do his own thing with his fiance or join us. Then the ex-wife invited us to her house for Christmas Eve.

Now my husband is angry with me because I don’t want to attnend. He does not want to miss out on seeing his 26 year old son. He also talks about how much our childreen enjoy gatherings at Wendy’s and how important it is for him to have her involved in our children’s lives.

This leaves me feeling very unimportant. the first family takes precedent. My husband gets angry and says that I am complaining when I try to explain myself and how it has been to fit in with his first family’s Christmas traditions for 15 years.

By adding my 2 bits to this blog, I don’t know what I am looking for – support, ideas from someone else who has sucked it up and joined in the first families more happily than I. (I am well behaved at the joint parties and I do enjoy them, but I am often grumpy before the party because I don’t have a real choice whether to participate or not.) That is enough for now.

]]> By: janine http://singlemomseeking.com/blog/2010/12/how-to-play-well-with-your-exs-spouse/comment-page-1/#comment-16685 janine Thu, 16 Dec 2010 01:09:46 +0000 http://singlemomseeking.com/blog/?p=7609#comment-16685 It was the grandchildren that brought my parents and step-parents closer together. In fact, this will be our second Christmas in which both sets of parents will be traveling to spend the holiday with us. You’re never too old to benefit from seeing your parents play well with others.

a fellow Writing Mama
.-= janine´s last blog ..Michael and Wagner Kovac Christmas Gift Drive =-.

]]> By: T http://singlemomseeking.com/blog/2010/12/how-to-play-well-with-your-exs-spouse/comment-page-1/#comment-16684 T Wed, 15 Dec 2010 21:06:47 +0000 http://singlemomseeking.com/blog/?p=7609#comment-16684 How coincidental. My post today is about blending families… and the struggles. And I was just asking if there were any good blogs for this topic.

As always, thanks for coming through for me, sweet Rachel!

]]> By: SDMktg http://singlemomseeking.com/blog/2010/12/how-to-play-well-with-your-exs-spouse/comment-page-1/#comment-16670 SDMktg Tue, 14 Dec 2010 02:50:45 +0000 http://singlemomseeking.com/blog/?p=7609#comment-16670 I get along ok with my kids’ mom (I read once it’s easier to work with them if you refer to them this way rather than “ex”) My girlfriend got off to a bad start with her at a birthday party when the ex walked up to say hello to her right when she took a bite of pizza and couldn’t respond. The kids’ mom made some bad career choices and moved away so I think there’s a lot of jealousy on her part towards my GF being close to the kids. On the other side GF doesn’t care for the way the ex left all of her parenting responsibilities behind for me to pick up the pieces. I don’t think that relationship will ever be anything more than civil. Obviously it’s a lot easier if all involved are responsible, loving people. One person can’t make it work on their own.

]]> By: Soccer Mom http://singlemomseeking.com/blog/2010/12/how-to-play-well-with-your-exs-spouse/comment-page-1/#comment-16669 Soccer Mom Tue, 14 Dec 2010 02:16:29 +0000 http://singlemomseeking.com/blog/?p=7609#comment-16669 She rocks! I have a *decent* relationship with The Ex’s new wife. However, she’s the one that broke up our marriage so I’m seriously putting a lot of resentment aside for the kids’ sake! She & I were friends before the cheating…and I try to remember that she’s the one spending time with my children when they’re with their dad. I wish I didn’t have some of this baggage and could hang out this way. We can sit on the sidelines and watch soccer together, sit together at the children’s performances at school and any number of activities, but it’s still there … even if just a little. I hope the kids don’t pick up on it, but I really try hard to make sure they don’t. It’s hard to give up time with your children to another woman, even if it’s their dad’s new wife and he’s there too. But, if he finds a good one, I think you have to. I try to think of it as the more people who love my kids and want them to do well, the better for them!
.-= Soccer Mom´s last blog ..A Look Back… =-.

]]> By: How Does She Do It Mom http://singlemomseeking.com/blog/2010/12/how-to-play-well-with-your-exs-spouse/comment-page-1/#comment-16668 How Does She Do It Mom Tue, 14 Dec 2010 01:43:41 +0000 http://singlemomseeking.com/blog/?p=7609#comment-16668 Oh how I wish that this could be the story I had to share…unfortunately it is not and I actually for the first time in a long time find myself somewhat envious of someone, Hyla.

My ex (who I left) became involved with someone a year after our separation…I was truly happy for him and hopeful that it would result in him finally finding happiness in life and thus letting sleeping dogs lie with him and I. However I guess it is not easy to do that when you are man who’s wife left him after years of emotional/verbal abuse being launched at her.

When I met my soul mate (I know gag!!barf!!, lol) a full two years later and got engaged I had hopes that my story would turn into one like Hyla’s…nope…well at least not yet! My ex fills his life with “I can’ts” and “woe is me”s and unfortunately this turns into his girlfriend and him usually trying to place blame on me for something….while I appreciate that is not really the case.

Anyhow all that to say I look forward and am optimistic to one day share a story like the above!! :)
.-= How Does She Do It Mom´s last blog ..How to “Do Something With Your Life” =-.

]]> By: Anna http://singlemomseeking.com/blog/2010/12/how-to-play-well-with-your-exs-spouse/comment-page-1/#comment-16667 Anna Mon, 13 Dec 2010 21:50:48 +0000 http://singlemomseeking.com/blog/?p=7609#comment-16667 The ex isn’t married, and from comments he has made in the past, I don’t think he’ll ever get married again. Kudos (and good luck) to him if he does. He has been with his girlfriend for 2 years, though, and frankly, I don’t deal with her often (they live in another state), but she sometimes does pickups and drop-offs for the holidays and she seems like a very nice, caring person. I want to have a good relationship with her because she is the one who takes care of my son when he is at his dad’s (dad doesn’t do much). Will we ever be drinking tequila and having playdates? Probably not, but my kid only benefits from everyone getting along.

]]> By: Alitalyn http://singlemomseeking.com/blog/2010/12/how-to-play-well-with-your-exs-spouse/comment-page-1/#comment-16666 Alitalyn Mon, 13 Dec 2010 19:32:38 +0000 http://singlemomseeking.com/blog/?p=7609#comment-16666 I love, love, love this post. This is an area that I struggle greatly in. I can’t stand my husband’s ex and really, for no good reason. I guess I see her as some sort of competitor? His family is still very close to her and her family and when she’s around, I can just feel rage going right through me. I know it’s wrong and I shouldn’t feel this way. Thanks to me reading this, it’s something I’m really going to work on. So thanks for sharing!
.-= Alitalyn´s last blog ..Wheres My Christmas Cheer =-.

]]> By: Naked Girl in a Dress http://singlemomseeking.com/blog/2010/12/how-to-play-well-with-your-exs-spouse/comment-page-1/#comment-16665 Naked Girl in a Dress Mon, 13 Dec 2010 19:14:42 +0000 http://singlemomseeking.com/blog/?p=7609#comment-16665 What a great post. It is so inspiring. I find myself being cautious now of who I date and have the same feelings Hyla did; I don’t want the crazy ex and baggage-filled dysfunction that comes with it, but want a man who is a dad already. I want a good match not just for me, but for the three of us.

I am not widowed, but have a great relationship with my ex. We are friends and I want that to continue. So, I need a man confident enough in himself and our relationship to be comfortable with my relationship with my ex. I also don’t want him bringing crazy ex dynamics into our lives because I was able to completely avoid that for our family.

It feels like this is an impossible task, but I will be patient like Hyla. It will happen when the time is right.
.-= Naked Girl in a Dress´s last blog ..Dancing in the Rain =-.

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