Deep into wedding planning, what do you think was one of the most stressful decisions for me? No, it was NOT choosing our caterer or our wedding location. It was deciding what role my child should (or should not) have in our ceremony. In full disclosure, I’ve got some baggage around this: I was 12 years old when my mom got remarried, and I did NOT enjoy being a flower girl, or standing up in church for close to two hours in my stiff burgundy dress.
Fortunately, my own daughter was old enough — and articulate enough! — to let me know what she wanted to do during our ceremony. Her request — to walk down the aisle with me, and to sing after the ceremony in our newly formed family band — was just perfect. After all, when you get remarried as a single parent, the wedding is NOT just about you and your new partner. It’s about a growing family. So, how do you incorporate your kid(s) into your wedding ceremony?
I put this question recently to Swati from The Single Mother Chronicles (pictured above with her daughter). If you haven’t met Swati yet, be sure to check out her site. Big congrats to Swati, who is getting married on New Year’s Eve this year!
Between them, Swati and her fiancé have three daughters: Swati has a nine-year-old and her fiancé is the father of a 16 and 22-year-old. After much back and forth between everyone about their busy schedules — which included finishing pre-med school, a new job, and an ex-husband — they chose their wedding date because it was the one day when all three kids could be there.
When Swati sat down to talk to her daughter about the wedding, her daughter first “confirmed that a boy doesn’t have to carry our rings.”
Then, her daughter went onto say that in addition to carrying flowers and dropping petals before the ceremony, she would like to hold her mom’s hand “during the ceremony, stand up there, and probably be the ring bearer.”
“We are having such a good time talking about it,” Swati says. “I am really trying to enjoy EVERY moment of this process this time around. I am trying not to pressure her, but I want her to know she can do as much as she wants to.”
Most recently, her daughter (aka, the ring bearer and flower girl) also suggested that she might need “a pouch for the rings because she doesn’t want to run out of hands!”
If you’re a single parent who has gotten married (or would like to in the future!), please share your thoughts.
Do you think there’s an ideal role for kids — whose parents are getting married — during a wedding ceremony?
Does it depend on the child’s age?
Or, do you think that children do not belong in a remarriage ceremony?
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