Snapshot: Are you still a single mom after you get remarried?

by singlemomseeking on August 9, 2010

Family Wedding Day

Sondra from Happy Healthy Hip Parenting has been a single parent cheerleader for as long as I’ve been blogging. She is a Certified Parent Educator and Life Coach and San Diego’s Parenting Examiner. So, when when I heard that Sondra — who’s the mom of a six-year-old son — was getting remarried, I asked if she’d share her news here.

Because Sondra and the man she calls “Mr. Right” were dating long distance — he  lives in Minnesota, where Sondra’s family also lives — they took advantage of all their time together. (Yep, that’s the new family above, and you can read more about her long-distance story here.)

When Sondra’s relationship with her now-husband first started getting serious — they got married in July! — he flew out to spend time more quality time with her son. “Long-distance marriage is not easy,” she says,  “but it’s been great to see my son blossom when the three of us are together.”

“People assume that my husband is his father when they’re together. Their bond is quite strong already so it’s been interesting to hear my son explain it to people. Before we got married he would say, ‘He’s not my dad,’ with a confused look on his face but now that we’re a family, he’s embraced their newly defined relationship and is thrilled to have a Bonus Dad!”

Moreover, Sondra’s son has been asking for a sibling — and they recently found out that he’s going to be a big brother. “This will be my husband’s first child. Just seeing him with my son is amazing, knowing that already he’s a wonderful father.”

I asked Sondra why she was changing her name to her husband’s and she explained: “I changed my name when I married my son’s father and my maiden name officially became my middle name. When our son was born, we used the same two names for him as well. It wasn’t a decision I made lightly and I’m happy that my family name lives on through the two of us.”

“Although my son and I no longer share a last name, the fact that our middle names are the same is pretty significant. We have discussed using my maiden name once again for the baby’s middle name — so that both of my children will have that in common.”

“I’m a little concerned how it’ll affect things now that my son and I no longer share the last name, but this year’s paperwork for school includes room for Family #1 (Parent 1 and 2) and Family #2 (Parent 1 and 2) which was very refreshing to see.” (Yeah, that IS refreshing!)

It’s not Sondra’s new last name, however, that has her thinking a lot these days. It’s this question: “Am I no longer considered a single mom after I get married again?”

You might remember that when I announced my own wedding news, I said that I’ll always consider myself to be a single mom. That’s why I’d love to know:

If you’ve gotten remarried, do you still consider yourself a single mom?

If you think about getting married sometime in the future — or, maybe you’re already planning a wedding — do you think that being a single mom will always be a part of your identity?

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