Ground, wrong

by singlemomseeking on July 27, 2010

If there’s one thing that men in my past have complained about, it’s this:

“Rachel, you always make mountains out of molehills.”

And I hate to admit this, but they were right. I’m easily anxious. I often worry about germs, tomorrow, or disappointing someone with a work deadline. My mind gets stuck on that “What if?” track, and it’s really annoying.

But something has shifted inside me recently. I’m sure it has a lot to do with my friend, Jim, aka Depot Dad, who has been battling melanoma for more than a year now. Jim is the single dad of two super sweet and smart kids — and I actually met his through this very blog.

His participation in a trial program at UCLA appeared to be kicking cancer in the butt — until recently. The last scans showed that the tumors are back on his lungs, and he’s facing this latest news with the most incredible bravery. This week, the doctors are putting a permanent “stint”in his lungs to help him breathe, followed by more chemo.

In the midst of something so huge and scary, Jim is moving forward, thoughtfully, cracking jokes along the way, and always thanking his friends. When I’m with him, I feel like I’m in the company of a fire eater who takes on every challenge, and then takes on a bigger one.

I’m not the only one who can say that Jim is changing the way I live my life. Here’s an example of what happened the other day. My guy was out of coffee, so I ran out to Peet’s — his favorite Bay Area coffee shop. In my haste, I forgot that that LG likes his coffee beans whole, because he grounds them right before making espresso (yeah, what have I gotten myself into here?). Anyway, I forgot about all of this at the counter, and I ordered a pound of beans the way I usually do: ground.

When I got back to LG’s house and gave him the bag and he felt it. The beans weren’t whole, they’d been ground. Uh oh. But instead of getting irritated, he smiled. “It’s okay, love,” he said.

And me? Instead of fretting over my mistake and harping on it, I smiled back. In the big picture, this wasn’t the end of the world. Besides, LG knew that what my intentions were. What mattered was this: we could drink coffee together in the early morning, as we scheduled meetings and drop offs. We’d laugh and simply be together.

Do you sometimes make mountains out of molehills, too?

Is there one thing that you can let go of today? What is it?

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{ 15 comments… read them below or add one }

Nappy Kitchen July 31, 2010 at 7:59 pm

I lived SEVERAL years of my life that way. I was striving to be perfect. It was a very sad and stressful existence. What I have learned in recent years is to laugh at my mistakes. My children help me to remember to keep my inner kid alive, thriving, and well!
.-= Nappy Kitchen´s last blog ..What I Learned from Sonny Chiba =-.


Penny July 31, 2010 at 7:00 am

I do this sooooo much . . .especially after becoming a mom, then a single mom. All of the ramifications of divorce and the heaviness of the decisions we make so greatly affect our children it is hard not to . . . but then you hear stories of the reality of some and you can not help but think I have to do better . . .


avigail74 July 30, 2010 at 3:14 pm

I used to…that is until I started traveling to third world country. I’ve learned from my friends in other places that I have absolutely nothing to complain about. If you have a job (or even unemployment paychecks), shelter (with a roof that works), clean environment (toilet too), easy access to food and clean water, access to medical care (it’s illegal for hospitals to turn you away in the U.S.)—you’ve got it all. I’ve learned that life is beautiful and to let go of many unimportant things. It’s easier that way.


BigLittleWolf July 30, 2010 at 10:23 am

There is nothing like a dose of harsh reality to put things in perspective. This tale of bravery and everyday dignity reminds us that little things really are little. We should focus on the big things. The essentials.
.-= BigLittleWolf´s last blog ..Starting out or starting over 10 Best Cities for Every Stage! =-.


Michele July 29, 2010 at 12:07 pm

I used to but not anymore. Life is way too short to get caught up in things that won’t even matter a year from now.
.-= Michele´s last blog ..Paradocks Grille =-.


Nicki July 29, 2010 at 4:39 am

I am learning to let go more. It’s a process. We perfectionists tend to push ourselves too much and expect too much from ourselves. While I excuse flaws and limitations in others, less able to do so with myself. (And this may be why I have been sick so much lately…)
.-= Nicki´s last blog ..Shutterfly giveaway! =-.


Tiia Jones July 28, 2010 at 4:06 pm

It seems that the forces in the universe are sending exactly what I need to hear today. It’s easy to focus on the frustrations of what my daughter doesn’t do–the dishes in the sink, the towels on the floor, computer when I think she should be reading–and I focus on that too much. I forget to spend “fun” time with her being silly and enjoying the many, many things about her that I like.

I worry so much that if I DON’T make a big deal about these things, it will have real and lasting consequences on her life. If she doesn’t put her cup in the dishwasher, she will not make it into college. The reality is, letting go is more important (and maybe more difficult) for me right now. Thanks for the reminder.
.-= Tiia Jones´s last blog ..Dating Raj Guest Post =-.


Kim July 28, 2010 at 11:11 am

Great post, Rachel. We all need to slow down and smell the roses, and not sweat the small stuff. (Sorry for the cliches, but they are popular for good reason.) One of my mottos is, “No matter how bad it is (or seems), it can always be worse.” Amen!

Today I am letting go of what I *thought* was a great, new relationship. I have no idea what is going on, but no contact for 5 days sends me a strong message to move on. It’s not easy, and I’m getting better at it with every relationship, which kinda makes me sad. But *on* I will move! Hugs to you and your guy – so happy for you!


Carrie July 28, 2010 at 9:16 am

I used to do this all the time before i left my husband…but then on my mission to me I let it all go.

I recently wrote a blog post on something very similar…you should check it out I think it will hit home with you…and you will know you are on the right track letting those mole hills be mole hills…

Love reading your blog…even though I am not a single mommy anymore!
.-= Carrie´s last blog ..Submission for “Project Mom Casting” Reality Show =-.


Naked Girl in a Dress July 28, 2010 at 6:15 am

Oh, I suffer from this too. Thank you for the reminder to embrace life and be grateful and positive.

Today I will let go of the huge list of to do’s and celebrate whatever is accomplished in the little time I have. The focus will be kid time today. That is how I would most want to enjoy the day. Everything else can wait.

Great post!
.-= Naked Girl in a Dress´s last blog ..Gratitude- A List of 10 Blessings in the Face of a Challenge =-.


Jenni July 27, 2010 at 8:36 pm

I make entire chains of mountains out of molehills, when given the chance. It’s one of the many things I’m working on.
.-= Jenni´s last blog ..Building Self Confidence =-.


Anna July 27, 2010 at 7:23 pm

Yes, I’m a planner and tend to get freaked out if things aren’t going “according to plan”. While the bf and I were on vacation, this happened a couple of times, making me visibly irritated, and he just asked me “Why?” Stopped me in my tracks. I needed that.


Momma Sunshine July 27, 2010 at 3:47 pm

I definitely have that tendency, too. I try to stop and ask myself, “In a week, is this really going to matter?” So many things look a whole lot different through that filter…particularly when there are others with so many bigger battles in their lives.


Jolene July 27, 2010 at 2:02 pm

Such an inspiration he is…and yes I am completely guilty of making mountains out of molehills, as much as I yabber on about perspective and attitude…it’s so much easier said than done til you get a b**slap of reality like this. Well put!


T July 27, 2010 at 9:20 am

Oh yes… I am learning ever so much from Jim.

I think all of us could use a little reminder to breathe and simple BE.

Thank you for sharing this, beautiful.

.-= T´s last blog ..An Examination of Marriage- Why =-.


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