When you’re dating a guy without kids

by singlemomseeking on June 22, 2010

single man tie


For so many years, I would ONLY date men who had kids. Meaning, I would only date single dads. I had my reasons for sticking to this rule. I thought that:

Someone who was already a parent would get me. If you didn’t have kids, how could you possibly understand the ins and outs of raising children?

Only a father would know how to parent because he was already one. I figured that a dad came with real life experience.

As it turns out (surprise!), my assumptions were… wrong. And, as you know, I am now married to a man who did not have any kids. (Update: We now have a baby together!)

So, when I recently heard from a man who’s dating a single mom, I paused because the story sounded similar to mine. She has sole custody of her 9-year-old daughter. They have no contact with the birth father.

“The daughter and I get along great,” he writes. “But sometimes she reminds me that her mom is just fine without me! Well, she’s a kid and doesn’t understand her mom’s need for male companionship.”

In response to her daughter’s fears, this mom has asked her boyfriend to slow down. And he has.

“I want to give the daughter time to accept and trust a new man in their lives. But it can be hard. I’m a single guy, and I get a bit lonely.”

In the meantime, the mom has made it very clear that she cares about him, but she’s afraid. She wants him to be a part of their lives, “but she uses the phrase ‘baby steps’ a lot, which says to me… go slow with us, but don’t leave. And I don’t want to leave, so I guess I’m resigned to giving the relationship more time.”

If you’re a single mom, have you ever dated a man without kids? Did you ever feel afraid and ask him to slow down?

If you’re a single guy (I know that some of you DO read this blog!) who has dated a single mom, does this guy’s experience sound familiar?

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{ 22 comments… read them below or add one }

Texan Dude December 10, 2017 at 3:38 pm

Warum sollen die Männer nach für einer alleinerziehende Mutter suchen?

Translation: Why should men look for single mothers? I am a single, childless man and have been approached by single mothers. You know what I find? I find it annoying, aggravating, and downright insulting that I would be picked by single mothers to “become” a part of their lives.

I have had bad experiences with single mothers trying to get with me. I also have heard of all the horror stories from men who did not like dating single mothers after having fallen into that trap.

One single mother tried to post on Facebook suggesting indirectly to me, subtly, that she wanted a man with responsibility. She had the hots for me because we were working at the same workplace. I decided to cut off all contact because I don’t like being seen as the man with “responsibility” having to take care of someone else’s brat(s).

Another single mother, recently divorced, tried to flirt with me on social media after posting that she was in hot water with her husband, found out he cheated, and now wants to rebound with another guy so soon. I really can’t fathom why women would plunge themselves into marriage and not think carefully about the guy they’re marrying. I cut off all contact with her because she did not realize that she needed to own up to herself, take care of her own kid, and establish parenting custody with the father of the baby. The father before had been divorced from an adulterous wife and picked her right up a few months into the job that she was working at as his employee. Now, they’re divorced and she’s wondering where she is now. She’s very happy with her child and would not give her up; I applaud her for that.

However, I am not interested in single mothers. The constant societal pressure from society to demand that a man my age should date, marry, and keep a single mother as opposed to dating, marrying, and keeping a single unwed young woman to be my wife, my best friend, my lover, and mother of my own child is infuriating! I hate it and I wish single mothers would back off and start dating single dads!

Society, stop telling people who they can or can’t date!


John Johnson December 6, 2017 at 7:19 pm

As a 30something man with no kids and don’t want any, I’ve dated single moms in the past & I’ll never date them again in the present nor future.

Too many bad experiences came with putting myself in that postition and I’ll never do it again.

I’ve learned from my mistakes.


Mike September 10, 2017 at 9:03 am

Up until recently I was in a relationship with a single mum. The Dad had treated her really badly (selfish, controlling etc) but to his credit came back from abroad to share custody of their daughter. Everything was going great and any progress was being driven by her. The L word, meeting parents, holiday together and always pressing me to spend more time with her daughter. After some initial hesitation on my part (I never intended to get involved with a single Mum) I was smitten. We had begun discussing moving in together and maybe having a child together one day. I was very happy and excited about the future. Then all of a sudden she breaks it off saying that she doesn’t feel strongly enough to continue with me! This came as quite a shock considering what had come before. I think I treated her well and tried my best to be everything her ex wasn’t. Is she scared of getting hurt again? Do women’s feelings change so quickly? Some advice and help please!


dante July 28, 2017 at 12:38 pm

Women with kids,PLEASE!!! leave us childless men alone!! We don’t want your baggage.


Niki September 3, 2017 at 10:01 pm

Baggage?! My bf sees my kids as more people to love. You sound like great guy! Wonder why you’re single? 🤔


Annymous mom July 17, 2017 at 6:43 am

Im also currently dating someone I have known for years,much before tiking of having children. We lost touch now both divorced & I have children.
Hes friendly cordial accepting even at times joking& playful with them.

However, seems to still want “alone” time w me. Making comment, gestures ehen the kids are there.
Also seems irrated that Im not with him when I have the kids.
When kids arent with me wants my waking non working minutes with him.
Its draining me in the sense I feel pulled in each direction.

Even mentioning within wks of dating
Moving in with him, cutting hours in working to save me stress or saving money as a single mom.

Mind you Ive been a single mom 7 out of 13 yrs. Im independant. I dont live off cildsupport payments, work fulltime jo & at times ft & pt jobs.

Hes older ten me & has his life “together”
But as a single mom of past abusive in every sense relationships.
Idk i find this alarming.

Any opinions.


Ms.TQM May 30, 2017 at 9:41 pm

For the past 4 months I’ve been dating a 35 year old who has never been married and has no kids. We live in two different states and communicate daily in text, video, pics, and visits. I am 39, divorcee of a 7 year marriage, and I have three kids. On my last visit we went to the movies, out to eat and walked the city. During this time he asked me if I could have kids? I thought that this was strange but I answered and told him my tubes were tied. Then he begin to talk about can they be untied and doesn’t that cost lots of money. AnywY, to make a long story short, I like him, but I’ve never dated a man who has never had kids, and yet alone never been married. But he pursues me? #confused Please help?


Dating without kids July 4, 2017 at 6:52 am

It is all matter of test, I understand you, but hear other stories and opinions that are totally opposite than this you told, so that is all individually …


Dave December 28, 2016 at 7:17 pm

The cold, hard truth? As a guy over 40, divorced without kids… yes its like winning multiple lotteries to find a woman around your age without kids. Meaning… extremely slim to none. So, what to do? Well.. you date the single parent, but understand… your ALWAYS going to be second place to her children… even if they are adults. You are ALWAYS going to be put in your place if you challenge any sh*tty behavior from the kids. You are not her priority and never will be. You are not that important to her in the long run. You are relegated to “the partner” if you’re lucky. You are a separate relationship to her family. It is NOT and most likely never will be “your” family. Ultimately… you lose. Choose wisely.


Myriah Pena February 6, 2017 at 9:11 am

I don’t agree. As a single mom dating a guy who doesn’t have kids of his own. We have done everything in our power to include him our home and hearts.


CALVIN MILLER March 11, 2017 at 1:26 am

Do you have anymore friends like yourself

JERRY May 16, 2016 at 3:50 pm

I am single. Just turned 40 in April. Never married no kids.
I liked with this woman who is 43 never married and never had children. But she wasn’t very responsive with me and I would like to know if it is to the fact that I have not been married. She said once in a group of friends that it is very important for her that the man have his own children since she won’t have any. And since I am single never married no kids, and almost 4 years younger than her, she might think I may want kids and because I haven’t been married yet, and I don’t want to think that because of that she is avoiding me.

For you, single moms. When you date a never married guy, maybe a bit younger. What is the first thing that comes to your mind?


Vivienne October 29, 2016 at 3:33 pm

Honestly, I hope you guys work out. I have the opposite situation where he is single, never married and no kids. However, he doesn’t seem interested in kids at all when I have 2. First thing on my mind is, how will this work when I have kids that are not his. I know it sounds foolish, but it’s hard on single parents cause they have to expect more from the other person due to wanting the best for their children and finding a balance in the relationship with each other. I hope this helps.


Lisa March 23, 2016 at 10:07 am

I am a 23yr old single mom,dating a 35 yr old guy with no kids. Its almost a year now we have been together and he never showed interest of knowing my child but the last month has been hectic his not sure if he can get through the fact that i have a kid , his not sure that he will make a good father to my kid and he wants to meet my kid now to see if he will “like” him so that if he doesnt we can go our separate ways.

What confuses ne is that he says he loves me and doeant wanna lose me but what kind of love is that if he can not accept me and my child? I believe if he truly loves me he was gonna accept me with my package cz i have accepted him with all his faults.

I want to know if i should carry on with the relationship or should i just keep my distance? Thing is ilove him so much but i also love my baby and can never abandon my child because of a guy.

His also talking of marriage but looks like my baby gets in his way sometime he says could be easy if the father of the baby was not alive,he wants da child to be only influenced by him not anyone else. Ido not know what to do.


MEG June 1, 2016 at 4:09 pm

Lol doll, coming from a single mom (27 yrs old) who is in a familiar situation, if he hasn’t wanted anything to do with your child in a year….where do you see this going in ten years? Twenty? I know, your thinking, who thinks that far ahead?! When you have a kid…your future as well as your child’s is so important. So always ask yourself…will this be something I can be proud of…or will I be guilty and ashamed? Sounds to me you will be kicking yourself in the ass very soon….for sticking with someone who to me…sounds very selfish. Good luck though love!!!!


Dan March 9, 2016 at 6:32 am

Iam married to a woman that has 2 grown kids,first off I have never been married and I don’t have any kids.Sometimes it can be complicated for a man who doesnot have kids to understand that the woman will always put her children before their spouse.I love this woman,but if I had to choose.I would choose a woman that doesn’t have kids,but the problem with that is I’m over 40 and trying to find a woman with out kids is like hitting the lotto.My advise to all single people without kids,don’t marry someone who has them,It is hard,to be a parent to someone elses kid.


Elaina April 13, 2016 at 1:25 am

You can still choose, if its to hard and you not happy leave – your hardship can be contagious


Emily November 16, 2015 at 4:05 pm

Okay I’m new to this site and blogging if that’s what this is 🙂 but I need some advice and support. I am a 30 yr old single mother of a 7 year old daughter. I divorced her father when she was only 6 months old and he is a very unstable parent. For the last 4 years up until September my ex was a father figure to her. Due to serious domestic violence we broke up in April. He didn’t move out of my new apartment that I got in June until I had him arrested following the last attack. My daughter looked to him like a father but also wanted him gone and had wanted mommy to be with someone else. So to the point — I’m now dating a wonderful 37 yr old male. He has no kids and doesn’t want kids of his own. He doesn’t want to be a parent -he says he understands we are a package deal her and I and he is respectful to her and has set up a room for her in his house. My concern is with her not really having a father should I be worried that this may not turn to a father daughter bond and that he will leave the discipline and rules up to me-ofcourse he said house rules he would enforce but otherwise he would let me handle it. He has also been single for 10 years and he has treated me better then any man has ever. I can see myself married to him and living a happy life and I do see the benefits for Aubrey. I’m just scared and don’t know exactly how to approach it. He has the right not to want to be a parent of his own kids and he has accepted her and it’s been a month. I keep time limited right now but it’s important to see how things are. My daughter likes being at his house also. I’m nervous because I really don’t want to loose him and I don’t want my daughter to get hurt.


Heather March 27, 2016 at 5:34 pm

Please do not waste your time on this man. He may be a good man, even a great man, but he is not the man for you. Your happiness is important, but so is your daughters. I have been in a relationship with a man for three years that has not bonded with my daughter. He may tolerate her, but my no means does he love her. It is unfair to your daughter to raise her in that environment. I know from experience that I have struggled and felt conflicted with not leaving for her stake. I love my boyfriend and share the same struggles as you, but if you have a chance to run now do so. Find a man that wants children or has children and is accepting of yours. You should have to choose between the two or feel like you have two separate relationships.


Yesmaam November 23, 2016 at 9:20 am

Yes, please take advice from complete strangers in internet who hear a few sentences and can understand you perfectly. Just awesome.


Danica September 6, 2017 at 4:18 pm

This sounds to me like he does care, I mean he set up a room for just her! That is a man who cares and is making the effort. Of course he’ll leave most of the parenting up to you, she is your child and it’s an adjustment. That will come in time. Be grateful you found someone so accepting.


Sarai Winebrenner August 19, 2015 at 1:41 pm

If your interested in a polygamist life style check out sisterwives We would love to have you.


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