When you’re dating a guy without kids

by singlemomseeking on June 22, 2010

single man tie


For so many years, I would ONLY date men who had kids. Meaning, I would only date single dads. I had my reasons for sticking to this rule. I thought that:

Someone who was already a parent would get me. If you didn’t have kids, how could you possibly understand the ins and outs of raising children?

Only a father would know how to parent because he was already one. I figured that a dad came with real life experience.

As it turns out (surprise!), my assumptions were… wrong. And, as you know, I am now married to a man who did not have any kids. (Update: We now have a baby together!)

So, when I recently heard from a man who’s dating a single mom, I paused because the story sounded similar to mine. She has sole custody of her 9-year-old daughter. They have no contact with the birth father.

“The daughter and I get along great,” he writes. “But sometimes she reminds me that her mom is just fine without me! Well, she’s a kid and doesn’t understand her mom’s need for male companionship.”

In response to her daughter’s fears, this mom has asked her boyfriend to slow down. And he has.

“I want to give the daughter time to accept and trust a new man in their lives. But it can be hard. I’m a single guy, and I get a bit lonely.”

In the meantime, the mom has made it very clear that she cares about him, but she’s afraid. She wants him to be a part of their lives, “but she uses the phrase ‘baby steps’ a lot, which says to me… go slow with us, but don’t leave. And I don’t want to leave, so I guess I’m resigned to giving the relationship more time.”

If you’re a single mom, have you ever dated a man without kids? Did you ever feel afraid and ask him to slow down?

If you’re a single guy (I know that some of you DO read this blog!) who has dated a single mom, does this guy’s experience sound familiar?

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{ 38 comments… read them below or add one }

Emily November 16, 2015 at 4:05 pm

Okay I’m new to this site and blogging if that’s what this is :) but I need some advice and support. I am a 30 yr old single mother of a 7 year old daughter. I divorced her father when she was only 6 months old and he is a very unstable parent. For the last 4 years up until September my ex was a father figure to her. Due to serious domestic violence we broke up in April. He didn’t move out of my new apartment that I got in June until I had him arrested following the last attack. My daughter looked to him like a father but also wanted him gone and had wanted mommy to be with someone else. So to the point — I’m now dating a wonderful 37 yr old male. He has no kids and doesn’t want kids of his own. He doesn’t want to be a parent -he says he understands we are a package deal her and I and he is respectful to her and has set up a room for her in his house. My concern is with her not really having a father should I be worried that this may not turn to a father daughter bond and that he will leave the discipline and rules up to me-ofcourse he said house rules he would enforce but otherwise he would let me handle it. He has also been single for 10 years and he has treated me better then any man has ever. I can see myself married to him and living a happy life and I do see the benefits for Aubrey. I’m just scared and don’t know exactly how to approach it. He has the right not to want to be a parent of his own kids and he has accepted her and it’s been a month. I keep time limited right now but it’s important to see how things are. My daughter likes being at his house also. I’m nervous because I really don’t want to loose him and I don’t want my daughter to get hurt.


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