“If you’ve been reading my blog for a while, then you might remember old this dating rule I tried to hold onto for a long while: I would ONLY date men who had kids. And, yes, this man had to be legally divorced, too.
I was stuck on a single dad for many reasons:
A father would just get me — as a mother. After all, we were all in the same boat, right?
A father would know how to parent because he was already one. (And if we had any parenting issues, we’d sit down calmly and compromise, right?)
As it turns out (surprise!), my assumptions were nothing more than imaginary exptecations. It turns out that just because a guy is a single dad, it doesn’t mean we’ll be a match.
And, as you know, I am now with a man without any kids — I’ve written that being with this single childless guy has come with its challenges. So, when I saw this recent comment from a reader at Singlemommyhood — on our post “Single guy (no kids) dating single mom” — I was sure that my own guy had written it. When I pointed out the comment, he laughed and said, “No, but I could have written it, you’re right!”
That’s because this reader’s comment sounded so eerily close to us for so long. So, this man is dating the single mom of a nine-year-old daughter. She has sole custody, and the daughter has no contact with her father.
“The daughter and I get along great,” he wrote. “But she often says that mom doesn’t need anyone else because she has her! Well, she’s a kid and doesn’t understand her mom’s need for male companionship and affection.”
In response to her daughter’s fears, this mom has asked her boyfriend to slow down. And he has: “I want to give the daughter time to accept and trust a new man in their lives. But it can be hard. I’m a single guy, and I get a bit lonely.”
In the meantime, the mom has made it very clear that she cares about him, but she’s afraid. She wants him to be a part of their lives, “but she uses the phrase ‘baby steps’ a lot, which says to me… go slow with us, but don’t leave. And I don’t want to leave, so I guess I’m resigned to giving the relationship more time.”
If you’re a single mom, have you ever dated a man without kids? Did you ever feel afraid and ask him to slow down?
If you’re a single guy (I know that some of you DO read this blog!) who has dated a single mom, does this guy’s experience sound familiar?
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