When you have some trust issues

by singlemomseeking on April 7, 2010

I’m not sure if those deep fears ever go away. Or, if you just learn how to face them without freaking out all the time.

Fortunately, LG doesn’t have this, um, challenge. Sure, he might have other fears pop up once in a while  — but trust just doesn’t seem to be one of them. He simply believes in us. It’s that easy. Ah, how delightful.

And me? Well, I continue to struggle with this darn bugger. No, it’s not that bad. But every once in a while, something or other will trigger these old feelings. Fortunately, I’ve got words for these feelings now: I can talk about that queasy feeling in my stomach, instead of lashing out. Besides, the rational me has no reason to doubt him. He’s a good man, a genuinely good guy.

It’s me.

As LoveBabz pointed out almost one year ago — when I wrote about learning how to trust — this is about MY insecurities.

How do YOU do it?

Legal Editor Mom told me: “Simply put, keep your thoughts from things that are past and done: thinking of the past wakes regret and pain.”

I wish it was that easy.

And Carolyn from Running Leap — who just celebrated her one-year anniversary since meeting her Mr. K — added:

“Yeah, this is a toughie for me as well. My ex cheated on me at least twice, and the only other significant boyfriend I had left me for his ex-wife, whom he’d been ‘reconnecting’ with behind my back!…

Now I’m with this amazing guy, and I can’t imagine him betraying me like that… And yet I can’t imagine him *not* betraying me, either. I only know betrayal. Some sick part of me is just waiting for it…It’s ridiculous. I *know* it’s ridiculous. If you met him, you would also know that it’s ridiculous. He loves me. He’s a good guy. He would never…And yet, there it is. I like to think that one day, hopefully sooner rather than later, I’ll let my guard down and stop worrying and just accept his love at face value.”

Accepting. Well, here I am. This all makes me think of this amazing poem I love by Thomas R. Smith called “Trust,” which ends with:

And sometimes you sense how faithfully your life
is delivered, even though you can’t read the address.”

~~~

So, do these fears ever go away? Or, do you just learn how to face them — and deal with them — better? Gentler? And more honestly?

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