Tying the knot

by singlemomseeking on April 15, 2010

ropeI’ve never really liked that expression. Tying a knot makes me think of cinching or tethering. There’s something about that image seems so restrictive, don’t you agree?

Call me a fairy tale idealist, but I prefer to think about getting married as making a knot, as in two people gently tying a bow. Together. You’re entertwined, yet not confined.

Deep breath. Now that my taxes are done, it’s time to get to those Save the Date cards. Indeed, we’re immersed in wedding planning over here. We’ve stayed up late many nights in a row going over the guest list. Again and again. If we’re going to limit the number of people (due to space and cost), who’s gotta go? (No!) Did someone just say “caterer”? And how about parking? If friends and family are going to be part of the ceremony, how will we choose who’s who?… 

One of my favorite bloggers — Penelope Trunk, a divorced mom who’s getting remarried this weekend – says “if you don’t have conflict then you are probably not trying to do something interesting with your life.”

All of this wedding planning has created conflict for sure. Location, money, family, friends, food. Details. Yet in the midst of it all, I’m doing my best to remember to be loving and kind (and just ask that LG, I can be very stubborn and insistent). But after all, isn’t that the point? To love each other, with loads of kindness.  If this isn’t the best time to practice, I don’t know when is.

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{ 19 comments… read them below or add one }

jeanie April 15, 2010 at 1:59 pm

My biggest stress with organising the wedding was damping down my family’s expectations on what I should do and trying to override our very laid back plans. It very nearly ruined it for me, because I am by nature a people pleaser…
.-= jeanie´s last blog ..(Not) from the mouths of babes =-.

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Single Mom Seeking April 16, 2010 at 9:03 am

@Jeanie: Oh boy, LG is a people pleaser, too…

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Edgar April 15, 2010 at 4:03 pm

Just remember to fight fair and listen to each other. And have lots of sex, of course.

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Honey April 15, 2010 at 4:47 pm

I think that, back in the day, they used to tie the newly married couple together at the wrist on their wedding day. The lesson being that every decision you make, every day going forward, will be constrained by the other person’s needs. It’s one of the reasons that marriage isn’t for everyone (though hardly anyone admits this). I have to say that for me the pros outweigh the cons!
.-= Honey´s last blog ..I Can Download Porn At Work, Can You? =-.

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Honey April 15, 2010 at 4:47 pm

(or will, once I am married…)

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from the desk of ...me April 15, 2010 at 6:02 pm

i love the quote about conflict…because i’m definitely feeling it. the thought of wifehood added to motherhood and womanhood is absolutely overwhelming. the wedding planning is coming along and i must say that our decision to do a destination wedding is really making things alot less expensive and a lot less stressful. as always thanks for sharing.

p.s. if you haven’t already, done forget to create a wedding website. mywedding dot com is free and easy.

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T April 15, 2010 at 6:26 pm

I’m thrilled for you. And I’m sure that your beautiful daughter has quite a bit to say about your day as well!

I eloped the first time around. Frankly, I loved the idea. If I were to marry again, I would most definitely prefer it. Elope and then have a BIG party after you get back home!

Yes, patience and loving kindness. Because the wedding is only one day. Marriage lasts lots longer…
.-= T´s last blog ..Just for a Moment =-.

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Legal Editor Mom April 16, 2010 at 6:11 am

I’m in love and my s.o. and I are seriously thinking about our future together, but I’m happy to say that planning another wedding is not part of it. My first wedding was small, intimate, and elegant, but even so it was a lot of work and very stressful. If not T’s idea of eloping, we’re thinking of a destination wedding in the Caribbean with just our immediate family.

If you get too overwhelmed, there’s always Vegas, and a reception afterwards still allows you to celebrate with family and friends. But no matter how you do it, remember that it’s not about the ceremony, it’s about the commitment and your new life together. It’s two people coming together as husband and wife to support each other in all life’s endeavors…lots and lots of love, support and understanding. Best wishes!

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Bonnie April 16, 2010 at 8:51 am

We got married with just our girls. The ceremony consisted of us writing our vows that were just about our promises to our new family, each other and ourselves in our new backyard. We planted a tree and sat on the bench underneath to exchange our vows. Then we took funny “our new family” photos (that now hang in our hall). We uploaded them by email and sent an invite for our party. It was a super magical day for our family. We went bike riding in our wedding gear!
Then we had a blowout party that night at a bar with our favorite musicians, beer and pizza with all of our family and friends! Some friends hosted a brunch the next day. I highly recommend it. We had so much fun at the party and I LOVED my party dress ‘n shoes!
Then we had an amazing honeymoon by ourselves and met up with up with grandparent and girls for a long weekend at the end.
It was a super cheap wedding and we had a blast!!!

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Mike April 16, 2010 at 9:26 am

My belief than and still now is that the wedding is for you and the reception is for your friends and family. I’ve been to receptions that were only coffee and cake. It was still very nice. Take care of yourself as always and everyone who cares about you will fall in line. Their will always be those that are never satisfied.
.-= Mike´s last blog ..Role Reversal =-.

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Katherine SOLO dot MOM April 17, 2010 at 7:12 pm

I am so happy for you. Make the day special for your memory of it, but indeed as T said it is only one day… marriage… now that’s to be a lifetime…supposed to be :) so patience and kindness will go a long way with that endeavor.

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Katherine SOLO dot MOM April 17, 2010 at 7:14 pm

Oh and I definitely like your version of tying a bow better than the idea of tying a knot
.-= Katherine SOLO dot MOM´s last blog ..Narcissistic; who me? =-.

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MommaSunshine April 18, 2010 at 4:44 am

The first time around we had a small backyard (barefoot!) wedding. If I find myself in the marrying way again, it’ll be an elopement, I think…for me the stress and expense of a big wedding just aren’t worth it. ;-)

But the point is to have the kind of day that both you and LG want to have. Good for you – I’m so happy and excited for you! :)
.-= MommaSunshine´s last blog ..The Speed of Life =-.

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Lisa April 18, 2010 at 3:35 pm

why don’t you just jump the broom!

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Cathy J April 18, 2010 at 9:53 pm

Congrats. It is lovely to also see so many people genuinely pleased for you. I can feel the love even down here in the most isolated city in the world, Perth, Western Australia.

Re the expression ‘tie the knot’, perhaps I used to think similar thoughts as you mentioned – the restrictive deal. However now, especially in light of recent decades of unsuccessful partnerships. I like to envision the knot as said in Ecclesiastes – a threefold cord is not easily broken. Whatever your beliefs are, if you and your beloved, love each other and have a shared vision or purpose, that three fold cord helps to bind you. I see that as a wonderful thing.

I like the comment above about the wedding being for you and the reception being for family and friends. My own belief is that the wedding is a time to not only stand before family and friends to commit to each other but also before God and that is what excites me – to come together as two before Him.

Enjoy the planning and the day!
.-= Cathy J´s last blog ..Fairytale: Seeking Happily Ever After =-.

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Nicki April 20, 2010 at 6:11 am

The stress the wedding planning was cause meant that we decided to take a wedding planning hiatus. I bought a dress. We have a date picked and a minister booked. It looks like I’ll be saving the venue, but other than that…we needed a break. It can take over your life. And I’m really leaning towards eloping.

Glad to see it that the planning taking over our lives happens to all of us…
.-= Nicki´s last blog ..A tale of two pies… =-.

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littlemansmom April 20, 2010 at 10:01 am

Oh honey, I can tell you alllllll about it! My FH family lives about 1 hour away from us in one direction, my family lives about 1 hour away from us in the other direction. We purposely live in the middle to avoid as much conflict as possible! LOL!

Our wedding is being held IN THE MIDDLE!

Good luck with the Save the Dates!
.-= littlemansmom´s last blog ..Inspirations…. =-.

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Lovebabz April 21, 2010 at 5:11 am

Do not let the wedding become larger than life. Its just one day. Do what suits you two, not what suits family and friends. Have the folks who love and care about you sharing that day. Pare down your list, keep it simple. At the end of the day it will be you and him starting a life together all those invited guest will have gone home.
.-= Lovebabz´s last blog ..HE IS GETTING MARRIED. =-.

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Kat Wilder April 22, 2010 at 7:01 am

Penelope is a smart woman indeed.

As for the wedding plans; I have seen numerous women become crazed over every detail of their wedding. It’s very scary. And I’ve seen the grooms-to-be see sides of their betrothed they weren’t too happy to see!

But I’m not one for being the center of attention; my own wedding cast barely a few hundred bucks (cause of the lunch after), was outdoors and barely had anyone there. A friend snapped Polaroids. I was in a dress I wore again. There’s just no way I could do the walk down the aisle, first- dance, bouquet-throwing thing.

I can’t imagine you becoming a Bridezilla, SMS. Yes, a wedding day is an important day, but not for many of the reasons women make it important.

No matter what you do, though, you’ll make a beautiful bride!
.-= Kat Wilder´s last blog ..I know I’m faking it; does he? =-.

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