Living your truth

by singlemomseeking on April 22, 2010

Lately, many of the bloggers I follow seem to be writing about living their own truths:

Jess from Sassafrass wrote a birthday post about turning 38 and finding “a part of myself that I was afraid of — the quiet, still piece of me that I have not given much time and space to grow before. I’ve learned to not only spend time alone but to enjoy it, crave it, understand more fully how it serves me.”

Elizabeth Potts Weinstein – whose tag line is actually “Live Your Truth” — wrote this week that she had no story to tell. No matter, she says:Our job is to be in this moment. As boring, as ordinary, as pedestrian as this moment may be. To write. To create. To show up.”

The very genuine T — from The Quest for T -- is wondering whether or not she should make her blog more private: “My story may not be the truth of anyone else,” she writes. “We all have our stories. I do not choose to be right. I choose to share, to process, to find ME. This is my quest.”

All this wedding planning sure is making me think: what does it mean to live my own truth? What kind of story do I want to “tell” when I get married?

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That Lucky Guy and I have each been married once before: in hurried courthouse weddings with two witnesses each, and no after-party. Maybe we didn’t quite know what we were getting into when we said to each other: “Let’s have a wedding!” One night recently, we were browsing some of the most popular wedding sites just for fun — ha! — until the jokes about backyard BBQ versus eggplant-and-gold hotel reception turned serious. Who are we going to invite? How much is this going to cost us?

Something big — like planning a wedding — really makes you take a hard look at WHAT IS. Sure, we can stay up late every night browsing catering websites, flower arrangements, and monogrammed party favors. But in the end, what really matters is this: love. Along with some sunshine, good food, music, and laughter.

We’d both like everything to be perfect, but that’s just not the truth, is it? We disagree sometimes. We’re both stubborn and oversensitive. And we’ve got a lot on our minds. And still, we want to be together. That’s being real, isn’t it? Now, let’s hear about YOUR truth. Spill, please.

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{ 25 comments… read them below or add one }

T April 23, 2010 at 9:55 am

I love it. Thank you for the bloggy love sweetie.

At the end of the day, this wedding is about you two. What often happens is that it becomes about everybody else. And even on that day, you will spend so much time doing what everyone thinks you should be doing or trying to greet and mingle with people, that you’ll be flat worn out when its over.

Now is the time to be SELFISH. It is YOUR day. Yours and his. Make it about you two. Listen. Love. Honor.

That is what you’ll take into your marriage too.

((hugs))
.-= T´s last blog ..Meeting halfway =-.

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Katherine SOLO dot MOM April 23, 2010 at 10:45 am

All I can say is … good advice T – totally ditto from me.

Make it yours.
.-= Katherine SOLO dot MOM´s last blog ..Save Money: Wash clothes with no detergent? =-.

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Lisa April 23, 2010 at 11:13 am

I know of a few couples that had weddings at remote locations like Hawaii and Mexico. They paid a flat fee and just showed up with their own outfits and a few very very special guest. Then once back in the states they had a reception of some sort that wasn’t formal.Just food drinks and friends hanging out.

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GLSD April 23, 2010 at 12:27 pm

It should be about YOU and LG. When I got married it was the 2 of us and 5 guests. A backyard ceremony… food and my bouquet… a simple gold band for each and we didn’t spend a fortune. It was about US… being in love, honoring, and commiting to each other, for better or worse, in sickness and in health. Years later, I wouldn’t change it for anything. We have both grown up together and made it through all the ups and downs. We are each others best friends. So happy for you and can’t wait to hear all about your wedding.

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Anna April 23, 2010 at 1:14 pm

Permanent. The Man and I have been talking a lot lately, and this word has come up, as in, “I think this might be permanent, what do you think?”

If you had asked me two years ago (even one year ago!) if I would ever get married again, I would have laughed maniacally. After the divorce, I so enjoyed having things my way, and being independent, and was so pissed about having to give up half my retirement to that lazy bum, I could only see the bad in a legal union of two people.

Now, however, I am in a serious, adult, REAL relationship. And it’s not sounding too bad, this “M” word.

As The Man has said, we dance around these things a bit, because we’ve both been burned, and I know we’ll take our time. But it is so fantastic to be with someone and KNOW in my heart of hearts how he feels about me, and how committed he is to me, to The Boy, and to US.

As The Man has said, this is life-changing, this thing between us. I have never been here before, but I want to stay. Permanently. And that’s my truth.

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singlemomseeking April 23, 2010 at 9:56 pm

Wow, @Anna, your comment has filled my eyes with tears. I really get this. I think this is the first time ever that I’m in a “serious, adult, REAL relationship,” too. Thanks for putting it that way.

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NewSingleTweenMom April 23, 2010 at 1:39 pm

Be grateful for what you have; don’t fret the insignificant details.

This comes from a woman who has found the “real thing”, but is watching it slip away as he gets relocated 1,300 miles away, an offer too good to pass up as it is only 6 hours away from his daughter. Me? Well, I can’t go because of my children. They’ve just been through too much lately.

So, my truth is that one week ago I would have been glowing had this man proposed. Now, he wants marriage so that we can legally leave the state, so I say no. (and cry, and drink vodka)

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Honey April 23, 2010 at 3:34 pm

Jake wants a much bigger wedding than I do, though doing the big formal thing becomes a bit weird when you’re not in your 20s anymore (he’ll be 33 and I’ll be 32 on the big day) – thankfully he is scaling back. I talked him out of a church by pointing out that probably no church would let us get married there BECAUSE WE’RE ATHEIST – I think a botanical garden but it might be too hot in mid-May in Phoenix. We’ll see. It’s in 2 years so I’ll be monitoring the weather closely this year to see if it’s feasible…
.-= Honey´s last blog ..I Can Download Porn At Work, Can You? =-.

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MommaSunshine April 23, 2010 at 4:37 pm

Everyone’s story is different….and that’s exactly how it should be. I think that sometimes we get into trouble because we think more about what our story “should” be, rather than what it actually is. I know that got me into a lot of trouble in the beginning with CBG, when I worried too much that our relationship wasn’t “normal”. I was so hung up on what I thought a relationship was SUPPOSED to be that I almost lost out on the wonderful thing that it actually is.

Focus on what YOU AND LG want for your big day. You’re the stars, and this is your story. :)
.-= MommaSunshine´s last blog ..Joy in the Everyday =-.

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T April 26, 2010 at 10:44 am

This comment helped me too. Thanks Sunshine. :)
.-= T´s last blog ..Anger Management =-.

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Nicki April 24, 2010 at 6:16 am

Wedding planning can make you crazy. I know this for a fact. For us, we had to agree what points were non-negotiable. We know that we’re getting married on a beach, barefoot in the sand. There are some family and friends that are non-negotiable as well. And ultimately, everything else will hopefully fall into place. We shall see.

No matter what, I still just want to be with him…and the wedding is simply the vehicle to get there.
.-= Nicki´s last blog ..So much going on… =-.

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Jack April 24, 2010 at 5:09 pm

When I first began blogging I had complete anonymity. I wrote with reckless abandon about the things inside that I might not otherwise share.

As the anonymity has slowly disappeared I have been more cautious about what I share. Still, I am a big fan of being authentic. My blog remains the place where I air out my head and explore the darker corners of my mind.
.-= Jack´s last blog ..A Lesson In Time Management =-.

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from the desk of ...me April 25, 2010 at 2:20 pm

i love this concept because as, i, too am in the process of planning a wedding. i keep finding peace about our big day because it’s really a reflection of us. we’re doing a destination wedding in vegas at the bellagio and we’re inviting about 40 folks.

thanks as always for sharing your inner most thoughts and good luck with planning ur big day
.-= from the desk of …me´s last blog ..My Big Rocks =-.

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The Ringleader April 25, 2010 at 8:03 pm

I am in the same boat as Sassafrass. Even though I’m dating a fun and handsome man, I’m still at the point where I’m enjoying embracing my me time very much. This time centers me and helps me to function better in all of my relationship.

So I say make sure you’re taking your you time during this wedding planning time. Also this wedding is about the two of you. Make it something that you will enjoy. I had a big wedding the first time around and I totally lost focus of what the event was about. Next time, I will make it a small, intimate affair where my (yet to be found) fiance’ and I can relax and have a good time. This is a happy time. You guys should be enjoying the wedding planning.
.-= The Ringleader´s last blog ..Just Having Fun =-.

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Michelle April 26, 2010 at 11:41 am

When I got married the first time, the wedding was a big, huge production. Next time around, I’ll make it more private; after all, it’s the marriage I really want, not the wedding.

It is about you and whatever you and your future husband want… Whatever the choice, savor it.

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Ellen C April 26, 2010 at 6:46 pm

Do something that makes the two of you happy. That’s the only thing that matters really. Don’t let anyone else try to convince you otherwise.
.-= Ellen C´s last blog ..100% Cotton Bandanas from MayaWear =-.

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carma April 26, 2010 at 6:49 pm

My truth: that there’s a whole lot more to me that most people will ever see :-)

My husband and I are oversensitive and incredibly stubborn. Somehow we’ve made it to 16 years.

congrats on being the Uprinting featured blogger this week!

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valgalart April 27, 2010 at 7:24 am

I really love your writing style and your blog is so lovely! I wish for you a beautiful planning and life with your Lucky Guy and that all goes as smoothly as possible ;) I had a small little wedding 13 years ago and i have such fond memories of it and feel pleased that i saved us so much money to spend on other things and we still had a delightful time with all of our friends. Congratulations on being chosen Blogger of the Week!!! :D

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singlemomseeking April 27, 2010 at 10:49 am

It’s great to hear from everyone at UPrinting! Another blogger just gave me the head’s up… And now my own head is spinning about how to get UPrinting on board in the wedding planning. I’ve got some ideas.

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Shannon April 27, 2010 at 9:34 am

I fall more in love with this man I married two years ago, more every day. I fell ridiculously hard right away for B’s Daddy…this love is different. Oh I loved him, but our truth is, I love that he loves me so much and that he is so very different from B’s Daddy. This man would never turn his back, never lie or intentionally deceive me (except about presents, which he is also very good at). My truth is that although I still have doubts and ambivalence, B and I have made a new and beautiful life and I love the choices I have made for her and I.
And I’m so very happy for you and M., Rachel…I really am.
.-= Shannon´s last blog ..Find me at my new home! =-.

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singlemomseeking April 27, 2010 at 10:48 am

Wow, @Shannon, I hope you tell your guy what you wrote here today, it’s so incredibly sweet!! Always great to hear from you!

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wandamd April 28, 2010 at 8:23 am

I am living my truth right now (and finding out more truths daily!). My long distance boyfriend and I called it quits March 1, but found that it was the distance we hated…but cared immensely for each other. We’ve been talking (and spent one weekend together) since about him moving here and us having the chance to do it right (in the same place as a threesome…little one included). Its coming down to decision time for him and truth be told while there are so many positives and the potential for great success is there (admittedly on both sides)…there is a very real possibility he won’t be able to take the chance on the unknowns.

While the process has been excruciating at times for us both, one thing that has come out of it is the need to remain “authentic”. Its near the truths we all speak of and in our case includes the good and bad parts of us both. We seek to make sure we can remain authentic in the midst of this fragile time.

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Swati Bharteey April 29, 2010 at 9:18 am

My truth is that I project an incredibly confident image of having everything buttoned down…even when it’s not…and my blog helps me be more honest about that. My other truth is that I am sometimes really scared about talking about getting married, but I am so thankful to be with someone now with whom I can share both my excitement and my fears!

Can’t wait to hear which reception option you pick! I vote BBQ ;-) !
Swati
.-= Swati Bharteey´s last blog ..The Dating Misadventures of a Single Mom =-.

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Tara Bucci April 29, 2010 at 11:07 am

I totally agree..make it about you! We did something totally different. My husband just started a business, we just had a baby (yes, we found out we were prego and had to push the wedding back :/) so we were on a budget. We could of spent tons of mula on a big wedding but who would that saticfy? Us or our guests? So, we thought what was best for us got married then through a big party and rented out a bar. Had no sit down dinner but open bar! :p We had a blast and don’t regret not spending what a normal wedding would cost. I love the BBQ idea!
.-= Tara Bucci´s last blog ..U*neaks Giveaway =-.

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Lance May 14, 2010 at 8:49 am

Six month relationship, perfect girlfriend and companion, awful sex. That’s my truth right now. Really struggling. I’m blogging about it next week.
.-= Lance´s last blog ..TBK Relaunch on 5.17.10 =-.

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