Single mom with a good man

by singlemomseeking on March 11, 2010

When single moms who’ve fallen in love again comment here… well, it melts me. Take Tinamarie Bernard — Modern Love Examiner and a remarried single mom — who commented on my “Love is Possible” post that she’s “living proof” of this kind of love.

“Any man who doesn’t see your children as an integral, vibrant addition to his life isn’t worth taking along for the ride,” she adds. You got that right.

Then, Solo Mother wrote in an amazing list of intentions about that post, with No. 4 ringing in my ears:

“Look for true kindness. It’s not about vacations or fancy dinners. It’s about being there.

It’s about trusting someone completely, finding someone who will cherish you, someone who knows your worth and is thrilled to be by your side. Find someone who cares deeply about you. And return that promise. Hold it sacred.

Here’s to true kindness: that’s what Lucky Guy is made of. Really. I’ve been working longer hours these days, and he has been there for me and for my kid: picking her up at school, making dinner, listening to goofy music together on iTunes until I get home.

On top of all that, he sends me an email, telling me how much he loves hanging out and being there. And, yes, my sweet girl seems to adore him, too.

Man_daughter

All that mushiness aside, let’s be real: How do you know when you can really trust someone you’re dating with your child(ren?).

Jennifer at Single Parents About.com wrote a great post that touches on this.

“While there is no easy litmus test to tell you for sure, there are some reassuring signs and qualities that can put your mind at ease,” she writes. “The following indications should help you assess whether the person you are dating can be trusted with your children:”

  • You’ve known him or her for a long period of time. (Jennifer says this means at least one year.)
  • You’ve seen him or her react to stressful situations. (You want to have a sense for how unexpected events change this person’s personality.)
  • You know some of his or her faults. (Sadly, if someone seems “too good to be true,” he or she probably is.)
  • You trust him or her completely with your own safety.
  • You have no nagging concerns regarding this person’s personality.
  • You can talk openly together.
  • Your friends trust him or her.
  • You’ve met his or her extended family.

Your turn: I’d love to know if these feelings ever come up for you when you’re dating:

How do you know when you can trust someone you’re dating with your kid(s)?

Is this something you worry about, too? Does it ever go away?


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