Allowing

by singlemomseeking on February 10, 2010

If there’s one blogger I read every day — without fail — it’s T from The Quest for T. She continues to inspire me in the most intuitive way. Just this evening, for instance, I wrote the title to my post first: “Allowing.”

Then I sat and re-read some notes I’d taken after reading one of T’s recent posts, Conscious Connection:

Controlling = fear
Allowing = faith

Does that resonate with you, too?

In deep thought, I hopped over to her post today, which I had not yet read. Wow. Her latest post is about “allowing in a relationship.” Coincidence? Maybe not.

Specifically, T writes about how many women “allow” men to be the provider (a.k.a. the “hunter”). She explains: “I love allowing a man to be the man, however, at what point does a man allow a woman to help too?”

That Lucky Guy and I struggle with this sometimes, too. We’ve both been single for a long time. He’s used to being in the driver’s seat, so am I. Yeah, controlling does signify fear, doesn’t it! (No thank you backseat drivers!) We’re working on this, and I love the fact that we seem to have found this sweet give-and-take in the kitchen when we cook together.

Of course, we’re not always in the kitchen together, and every once in a while, my triggers go off. I’m learning how to pay attention to my fears. My defense mechanism is to shut down. And what happens? All that allowing simply comes to a halt. And it’s awful.

So, lately, whenever I start to get scared, I slow down. Instead of shutting off, I sit with these unpleasant feelings — which sometimes seem unbearable — and continue to allow love to come in. Maybe it really is faith: in myself, and in us.

It might seem insignificant, but something remarkable is happening.

If you’re working on allowing, I’d love to hear about it. If there’s anything that you’re struggling to allow… bring it on!


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