Comments on: Waiting

By: Anne

Anne — Fri, 21 May 2010 12:40:32 +0000

Your post really hits home with me; my mother and I talk all the time (maybe too much for the sake of my sanity) but always hanging over us is that I sided with my dad when my parents were considering splitting up. They eventually decided to stay together; they function pretty symbiotically and the whole episode was a huge shock. It wasn’t that I wanted my dad to take my mother to the cleaners, but I have never been able to condone how she enables my addict brother, and understood that my dad was fed up with the situation and wanted to legally protect himself. Part of me was hoping against hope that the threat to her marriage would change her behavior, and she would cut her tendency to enable. And trust me, if there was a sport called “Extreme Enabling,” she would dominate the medal count.

Conflict with her isn’t just about what’s going on today, or even from this episode last year, or five years ago, it has a way of slicing back through time to open old wounds and old anger. It’s easy to set off a bomb when I’m tiptoeing through the minefield. On top of that, my mom is pretty much the only person from her side of the family who lives in the United States. I just have to keep hanging in there and work on my own life, because no matter how much I wish the situation was different, it is what it is.

By: How do you define family? | Single Mom Seeking

How do you define family? | Single Mom Seeking — Thu, 20 May 2010 03:27:43 +0000

[...] whom I avoided for many years (you, too?). Over the years, I’ve taken baby steps to heal my relationship with my mother. And right after becoming a single mom, my father stepped forward to become an amazing friend, [...]

By: singlemomseeking

singlemomseeking — Tue, 12 Jan 2010 15:19:52 +0000

@Amira: Yes, writing was tough, too, and I encourage you to ask a close friend (or more than one?) to read over your letters and offer feedback. Please keep me in touch about your letters!

By: Amira

Amira — Tue, 12 Jan 2010 05:59:34 +0000

It was interesting to read this, considering the timing of things in my life that have to do with similar letters…

I finally decided, after mulling over it for months and years, to write letters to each of my parents–one to my mom and one to my dad, each describing how I feel and where I’m at re: my relationship with them. I haven’t started yet–that’s the hard part. Or maybe it will be the sending it part. Or the waiting for the response part. Perhaps it’s all of it, which is just one reason why I keep putting it off.

But I intend to write my own book and I know that I have to decide if I want to tell my parents what I plan to write about them ahead of time, or omit that part altogether, or keep it under a pseudonym and not tell them, yet I’m sure that they would find out through one of my sisters and then be hurt that I didn’t tell them.

So, you can see why this particular post struck a chord with me. Thanks for sharing your experience. I hope you hear from your mom soon. Waiting is the hardest part, from one oldest sibling to another.

By: SDMktg

SDMktg — Tue, 12 Jan 2010 03:55:44 +0000

Kat, I know I probably should have said “I Hope” instead of “I know”. My point was really more about knowing I’ve done everything I can to be a good parent as opposed to others in my life that made other choices. That, and having a very open relationship with both of my kids where they talk to me about stuff. I hope I can keep at least part of that alive when they become teenagers. It’s certainly easy to mess up but at least at this age there’s still time to make up for it.

By: singlemomseeking

singlemomseeking — Tue, 12 Jan 2010 03:42:57 +0000

I’m so curious @Michele: what’s your book about?

By: MommaSunshine

MommaSunshine — Mon, 11 Jan 2010 23:59:16 +0000

Waiting is tough, I know.

One important thing that I have learned since splitting with my ex is that I can not control other people’s actions, reactions, or choices in life. The only thing that I can control is me. You have reached out to your mom, offering peace — what she does with that is up to her now. I know that’s a hard thing to cope with sometimes, but for me, realizing this has brought me a lot of peace. I have been able to let go of many things this way.
MommaSunshine´s last blog ..Reality Bites

By: Danielle

Danielle — Mon, 11 Jan 2010 22:26:32 +0000

I am so sorry for this. My mother and I actually had to go to counciling. It worked for the most part but I still struggle with the damage of my childhood.
I hope she responds to you!
I am crossing my finger for you!
Danielle´s last blog ..*Notice* Wine and hair color don’t mix and cost me too much money!

By: Michele

Michele — Mon, 11 Jan 2010 20:25:34 +0000

That’s a tough one. I also published a book which didn’t really shine a positive light on my Mom. I let her read it before it was published though and she gave me a thumbs up.

Give her some more time.
Michele´s last blog ..Whitner’s Barbecue

By: uberVU - social comments

uberVU - social comments — Mon, 11 Jan 2010 04:42:05 +0000

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