Comments on: David Goldman: “I will not do to you what you have done to me”

By: Jami

Jami — Thu, 04 Feb 2010 02:54:53 +0000

In response to this story, I applaud the father, however, sometimes making it so easy on the opposing family is not all it’s cracked up to be. I know from experience. My daughter was conceived through spousal rape by my ex. He never wanted her and has never had anything to do with her. His family though (his parents, sister and brother) wanted to be in her life. I never once took out my anger on him with his family. I allowed them to see her, write her, visit her, spend holidays with her, etc. Well, here is where the problem lay…I was the one making the effort. They would never come see her. They always wanted me to take her to them, eventhough they lived only 20 mins. away, worked only 10 mins. away, and had another grandchild who they saw and got every weekend who lived 25 mins. away. They never came to get her or came to visit her. They always made it my effort to get her to where they wanted her. Well, I did that, as a goodwill gesture towards my daughter, for 3 yrs., then I moved out of state. You would think that moving out of state would have made them pick up the pace. I rented a p.o. box for her all year long for 3 yrs. straight so that her grandparents would have an address to send her stuff and keep in touch with her without disclosing our physical location since my ex was and still is crazy (Literally!). Well, out of 3 yrs. worth of renting a p.o. box, they sent her maybe a handful of cards and maybe 2 or 3 presents. Her grandpa died just a few months after we saw him for the first time in 2 yrs. We didn’t even know he was sick til a few weeks before he died. My daughter never really knew him because she was a toddler when we left. Her grandma has only emailed me maybe 4 times since Oct. when her grandpa died…it’s now February. I have not heard from her since then. She does not send our daughter letters, cards, gifts, or anything. It saddens me, but at the same time, my daughter doesn’t seem affected by it because she really doesn’t know her grandma.
If I were the father, I’d allow contact but I’d make it the grandmother’s responsibility to figure out how she wanted to maintain contact. Making it easy for her is only going to make things harder in the long run.

By: QTMama

QTMama — Wed, 20 Jan 2010 19:33:27 +0000

I have to agree that going to Brazil again with his son is a very unwise idea. However, I applaud him for this fabulous maturity in a time where you just want to give that lady the middle finger.

By: Kat Wilder

Kat Wilder — Thu, 14 Jan 2010 07:15:16 +0000

After all that’s happened to him, David is proving himself to be a man who is truly putting his kid first. Who couldn’t applaud that?

He is putting his own resentments (if he has any) and feelings aside so that his child can have a relationship with his grandmother.

The character of a man (or woman) appears when we’re put in a situation in which we may not want to do something but we do it anyway, because it’s the right thing. David is teaching his son — and a lot of other people — how to be a person of character. Kudos to him!
Kat Wilder´s last blog ..Forget sex, let’s cuddle

By: Jack

Jack — Wed, 13 Jan 2010 22:05:02 +0000

I think it is fine to let her family come to the US,. but he is asking for trouble if he goes there.
Jack´s last blog ..Hump Day Round Up

By: Sarcastica

Sarcastica — Wed, 13 Jan 2010 17:03:12 +0000

I think he handled it very well, if I were in his situation, I would have had A LOT more choice words to deliver to that grandmother. In the end, it has to be about what’s best for Sean…and still being able to see his family from Brazil is what’s best, because it’s all he knows. His father is amazing, for being able to stay so strong yet so mature about the whole thing.

I’m glad Sean is home.
Sarcastica´s last blog ..This Routine

By: Danielle

Danielle — Tue, 12 Jan 2010 18:25:21 +0000

Gosh, that would be so hard and I would worry that they would try something else and would never see my child again. But for the sake of your child that only knows them and they obviously love him, I would have to let them see him.
Danielle´s last blog ..*Notice* Wine and hair color don’t mix and cost me too much money!

By: Roberta Holliday

Roberta Holliday — Tue, 12 Jan 2010 14:16:15 +0000

There is no question that he is doing the “right” thing, I don’t think that I would be able to do things as well. First of all…I would not take Sean back to Brazil, just on the off chance that I had a hard time bringing him back. Second of all, If the Brazilian family wanted to visit with him, it would be under my own, personal, supervision. I give David a lot of credit for being able to handle this so well, but an old phrase comes to mind if he does allow Sean to “visit” Brazil “Fool me once, shame on you………”
David, I wish you and Sean nothing but the best. I hope you and Sean can move on with your lives together and never forget what you mean to each other

By: First Date

First Date — Tue, 12 Jan 2010 08:55:44 +0000

David is really a good man. As I am reading the whole story, I got teary eyed. how I wish I could have a father like him who stand by me. The words “I will not do to you what you have done to me” is a very noble word. A statement of a very good hearted man. I salute David! Sean, you have a good father you should be proud of.

By: Anna

Anna — Tue, 12 Jan 2010 00:29:07 +0000

Because the boy’s mother is deceased, David did the right thing. If she were still living, I would say that it would be her responsibility to encourage visitation and a relationship with her parents. I agree with other posters in that I would never step foot in Brazil again, nor would I let my son, until he was of age.

My ex and his parents live in another state (he moved back there after the divorce). I think his parents are sad because they really don’t see or talk to my son that much, but I refuse to make that my responsibility. I would never refuse them visitation or phone calls (within reason), but they haven’t ever tried, either.

By: Erin

Erin — Mon, 11 Jan 2010 22:52:02 +0000

I would do the same as David! I did something similar in my divorce, and my ex-spouse has come out on the other side of it all a better man as a result, and both of our families co-exist peacefully. My ex-inlaws see the kids multiple times per week, sometimes every day, and we are both happily moved on (my ex cheated and got another woman pregnant when my twins were three months old, and our oldest son was not even two).

I praise him for his boldness in doing the right thing!