Why you should say “yes” to a set up

by singlemomseeking on December 11, 2009

Yes, I was that woman , the one who thought that set ups NEVER worked.

About two years ago, when my smart and sweet author-friend named Veronica Chater told me about her smart, good-looking, funny guy friend, I waved her off. No thanks.

Jump ahead to the end of 2008, and I broke one of my longest dating strikes — I put myself back on JDate.

In between working, parenting — oh, and launching Singlemommyhood! — I went on blind dates.

By the second week of 2009, I was already feeling jaded. (Some of you get it, don’t you?)

I asked all of you right here on this blog: “Is there a confident, intelligent, sweet single guy out there who can appreciate me as a woman, mother — and blogger?

Thank you for writing in to give me hope — and for making me laugh with your own jaded anecdotes.

That’s when the ever-insightful T commented:

“Surely, he’s out there. I mean, surely… when we least expect it? Right?”

A few months passed, and my author-friend brought him up again. He was this and he was that, he did this and he did that… I told her that I was taking another break from dating. Maybe I wasn’t ready. Maybe I was too skeptical.

But last winter, fate brought us together at this same friend’s book launch party.
And today, I can’t believe that I said “No.” Twice.
Tell me:
Have you ever been set up?
Has anyone offered? What did you say?

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{ 18 comments… read them below or add one }

LB January 3, 2010 at 11:47 am

I was recently set up. I have known a former co-worker for almost 6 years. Originally I had a crush on him but with our working relationship he became more like my older brother. He knew of my horrible divorce he encouraged me to get out when my dating relationship turned abusive he knew of my many failed attempts at dating. This last year I was seeing someone in the military when he decided he didn’t want to be in a relationship because he was oversees for 4 months. I was a bit devastated. My friend said I have someone I want you to meet. I was not really interested after having my heart broken. He said it was his best friend and he promised that he was a really good guy. He sent him my picture and the guy asked me to go out with them to an event they were having. I used my kids as an excuse and didnt go. Two weeks later when I met him it was wonderful. We closed down the bar, talked in the car for two more hours and had an amazing night. It has been only two months but open to seeing where it will take me.

.-= LB´s last blog ..How do you know who to marry…kids perspectives =-.


Steve Reno December 18, 2009 at 7:22 pm

I am recently divorced and have a job that at certain times of the year takes up all my spare time. I have also started a side buisness and just find myself with no time to date or meet people. People have been trying to set me up with single friends for quite some time, and I was very sceptical because I just didn’t feel comfotable and it didn’t feel natural, but I started to crave some company so I started to take some people up on these set ups, going in with no expectations other than just to meet someone new and have some fun. It ended up leading me to a very satisfying relationship and some new friends. I give the set up a thumbs up!
.-= Steve Reno´s last blog ..Difficulties in Finding the Right Partner =-.


Vanna December 16, 2009 at 3:48 pm

I have never been set up, but I have been offered and I said no and they never ever asked me again.


Erica December 14, 2009 at 10:48 am

I’ve never been set up by friends, but have gone on a few blind dates with the help of internet dating sites. I wish my friends WOULD set me up, because I feel that they know me better than a black & white questionnaire.
.-= Erica´s last blog ..Old School Teachin’ =-.


Michele December 14, 2009 at 8:51 am

I can only remember being set up once maybe 20 years ago. When 10 minutes passed and the guy hadn’t shown up for the date, I left. Being on time is a must. He tried to ask me out again to make up for it but I declined.
.-= Michele´s last blog ..McCormick & Schmick =-.


Deesha December 14, 2009 at 7:50 am

ONCE a friend tried to set me up with her “super nice” brother-in-law. The deal was that I would meet my friend, her husband, her stepson, her father-in-law, and the brother-in-law for lunch. Casual, no pressure. I agreed, but let them know I would be a few minutes late. I arrived just as bro-in-law was leaving. Why? Because he has a demanding, self-absorbed platonic female friend with whom he has had a dysfunctional relationship for years. Her dog was ill, and instead of taking the dog to the vet, she wanted Super Nice Bro-in-Law to come deal with it. Apparently, she called and texted him repeatedly until he agreed to come over.

He was apologetic about leaving, but that exchange told me everything I needed to know about him, and that was the end of that!
.-= Deesha´s last blog ..“Co-Parenting Matters” Book Giveaway: Tell Us Why Divorce Sucks! =-.


Kat Wilder December 13, 2009 at 6:23 pm

Hmm, something’s up with my Comluv link,
But, anyway, No — never been set up, no blind date and when I asked some hubbies of friends I knew to do set me up with guys who worked with them, they said, “You don’t want to date the guys I work with.”

But, I always wonder; if you get set up with someone with whom you have nothing in common, it would make me think — how well do my friends know me?

Kat Wilder, http://katwilder.com


Swati Bharteey December 13, 2009 at 4:01 pm

I have only been set up once and I am 41. One friend claimed it was because no one she knew deserved anyone as great as me (I decided to believe her). But I have friends who are set up ALL the time!
The 1 set-up I had did not go well. I can see why my friend fixed us up though – on paper, it should have worked. He was in town for a weekend, completely mobile, and we had unbelieveable chemistry and seemed compatible in that short time. He started talking about moving to my city (no prodding on my part, I promise). I smiled and said we needed some more weekends together to figure it out. He left. And then he did a complete 180. He started explaining how he couldn’t possibly move, his *mother* expected him to stay where he was, et.c. etc. and I was thinking, “uhh do you want together for a weekend?” But I was sad because it’s hard to find someone you click with.
In the end, all is well because I do have the right man in my life now.
.-= Swati Bharteey´s last blog ..Are You Doing Too Much? =-.


MySingleMomLife December 13, 2009 at 2:53 pm

I’ve only been set up once when I was much younger and it was dreadful. Awful. Horrible. I’m glad its never happened again. I know my friends and family are all very well intentioned, but I’m in a place now that the only one I want to ‘set me up’, is God. He knows who will fit me perfectly. I’m tired of trying to figure it out for myself. :o) And really…its delightful having that pressure removed.
.-= MySingleMomLife´s last blog ..Depression Is… =-.


Travis December 13, 2009 at 2:05 pm

I was set up on the blind date with my Ex. It was the only time. And I used to bestow the awesomeness of it to everyone…

Now, It has the bitter taste of chewing on coffee grounds with no water in sight.

But, I am always open to possibilities so if someone did that again, who am I to say no, just in case it really is the person I need meet.
.-= Travis´s last blog ..As Soon As I Get My Head Around You =-.


Mommy to the Monsters December 12, 2009 at 6:24 pm

I’ve never been set up in my adult life.. I’m very open to the idea…Why anyone want to set me up?

I’m 30 single Christian mom of 2 kids and there will NEVER be a dad in the picture , because I adopted as a single mom so there’s no drama there. Any takers? lmbo!


MC December 12, 2009 at 5:07 am

I’ve never been “set up” by a friend–only by a dating service. And despite what they advertised doing, I’m now convinced that the dating service matched people up essentially randomly. They gave me almost a dozen laughably mismatched blind first dates–arg! I had far better luck with online dating where at least I got to email with the guy (& see his picture) before I met him.

It would be nice to be set up by a friend, but that hasn’t happened. I think that it’s because there are few men of my age and background living here in my rural Midwestern town who are also single. Divorced men from around here tend to migrate away to live in larger cities (more job opportunities and nightlife and they don’t need a big house in the ‘burbs), while divorced women (me) stay because of the good schools and low cost of living–the women usually get custody of of the kids and have to worry more about these things.


BigLittleWolf December 11, 2009 at 9:24 pm

Have not been set up. In all these years of post-marital life, have not been set up. I think in some instances (whether a matter of age, number of friends, social connections, whether or not everyone around you is married, etc.) – people simply have no “possibles” or they just don’t want to do it.

My gut tells me it’s quite different in certain circumstances. Perhaps if never married, perhaps if widowed. Curious what other experiences are out there.
.-= BigLittleWolf´s last blog ..The life I do not lead =-.


Jodie at Mummy Mayhem December 11, 2009 at 6:38 pm

I’m quite a firm believer in fate. And I think that’s what’s happened to you. You said no. Twice. But fate brought you together anyway.

After Hubby and I got together (I was 22, he was 21 – I know : TOY BOY!) we worked out our paths had crossed a number of times. We were at the same party when I was 19 (I don’t remember him there), the same venue one NYE and didn’t know it. And then one day, he wanted to show me the house he and his family rented many years before. Turns out, it was on the same street as my nephew’s old rental (who is my age), which was coincidental enough. But when he pulled up outside the house and announced: “There it is.” Well, it was the SAME HOUSE. His mother had sewn the curtains in the house that years later, I would visit my nephew at.

See? Fate.
.-= Jodie at Mummy Mayhem´s last blog ..A List of "Don’ts" from 1913…Part 7 =-.


Allison December 11, 2009 at 6:00 pm

I have begged my friends to set me up with people! To a one, they have all said they don’t know anybody. In fact, my married women friends usually tell me they don’t like their husband’s single friends…so as of yet I have never been on a blind date.
.-= Allison´s last blog ..Musings on preschool =-.


Canadian Bald Guy December 11, 2009 at 4:50 pm

I’ve never been set up before, but T said it best because it’ll happen when you least expect it…every time.


singlemomseeking December 13, 2009 at 4:11 pm

Yeah, @Canadian Bald Guy, it’s really sweet watching you and @MommaSunshine falling in love for the online world to see.


LB January 3, 2010 at 11:39 am

I completely agree. I think it is awesome to see the two of them interact. It gives me hope that there really can be a relationship like that. I know everyday is not a fairytale but to have two people willing to make it work with their blended families is very inspiring.

.-= LB´s last blog ..New Years ringing on new opportunities and positive changes. =-.

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