Maybe I’m wrong, but I really don’t think a boyfriend should discipline your child. That is your responsibility. As the parent, you should be the one to enforce rules and offer guidance.

It depends on the situation. Your boyfriend sounds like a nice person with good intentions, so it might work out for the better if you allow him to share in the responsibility of raising your daughter. But I personally wouldn’t allow it if it were my child. That would be my job, no one else’s.

I was once subjected to a lot of abusive treatment by my mother’s boyfriend-turned-husband, so perhaps I’m a bit biased. I love my mother but I still feel resentment because of the way she allowed him to treat me. He believed it was “discipline”. I call it abuse. I’m sure your boyfriend is a much better person than my stepfather will ever be.

As the mom, it is your job to parent your daughter to the best of your ability. This is something that only you can decide. If your boyfriend wants the responsibility and is capable of helping to discipline your child in a firm but loving way, then go for it.

I know what works in my home and what doesn’t. We all have different parenting styles. You need to make sure that his views of discipline are in line with yours. If not, that could be a problem.

Michele said that her boyfriend is a bit of a drill sergeant and that’s why she is uncomfortable with him trying to discipline her kids. I completely agree. I would not tolerate that either. I don’t allow my children to be disrespectful, but no one can come into my home and mistreat/abuse them in the name of “discipline”. I discipline my children the way I see fit. I am firm but loving. I don’t believe in hitting, yelling, or profanity. My stepfather did all of those things.

You want the best for your daughter so do what feels right to you. No one else can tell you what to do. I can only offer my input on why I believe it’s better for moms to provide discipline instead of having their boyfriend/new spouse do it.

I hope that whatever you decided to do, it has all worked out! Take care.

Like I said, this info was a huge help as we have been discussing what exactly his role should be around here. He’s watches them occasionally and helps out with the household chores. After reading these comments, our plan of action will be for him to support me and back me up. (i.e. “Please don’t talk to your Mom like that.”) I think it would backfire for him to hand down any punishment right now, but he can certainly let his feelings be known. I think it will help build up the respect he deserves. Being not-the-dad and not-a-friend is a difficult place to be.

BUT, I can say, that I can NOT stand that my ex-husband’s fiance disciplines my children based on HER rules. My ex-husband and I agreed to a method of parenting — and I would expect that anyone I decide to bring into my sons’ lives to back up that parenting style. By trying to enforce ‘new’ rules or methods of discipline, I think just confuses the children involved AND creates more of a headache for all.

So, yes, if I get into a relationship where my S.O. moves in with my sons and I, I would expect him to have a part in discipline when necessary. But I would make sure it’s in line with how I’ve been raising my kids and supportive of my methods. Otherwise, he wouldn’t be there to begin with.

Yeah, he wants me to let him be the softie. I am not so keen on that prospect, especially when I’m already trapped unwillingly in that dynamic with the Ex. It’s a pretty complicated situation (his little boy lives in another country, so wouldn’t be there often) and it’s early days but good, I think, to talk about this stuff from the beginning.

Good luck to you!
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