About that “miscellaneous.” Something happened this week that has irked me — and I need you to tell me if I’m just making a big deal about nothing.
Thanks.
So, I got this email in last week from a high-level PR manager at The Bump. You might be familiar with the site? It’s one of the most popular sites for pregnant and new moms.
Anyway, she sent me a long email in which she asked me to publicize their first “The Bump Mommy Blog Awards” on my blog. (Which, essentially I’m doing right here and now. Ha!) The theme, she explained, is: “Who’s the best mommy blogger on the block?” Cool. What a great idea! (And, no, not just because I want to win a $100 gift card to Pottery Barn Kids.)
So, I clicked over and saw a long list of categories: stay-at-home, fertility, special needs, adoption… even Daddy Blogs got their own category. You can imagine my surprise: there is NO category for single moms. Fine, we might fit into one of the above — say, a single mom by choice who had some fertility help, or a single parent who adopted.
Still, I shot them back an email to ask about where single moms might sign up, and she wrote back:
“Thanks so much for pointing that out. We are actually going to add another blog category now, so you can enter. It will be a miscellaneous category.”
Miscellaneous?? Sure enough, hours later, there was a category at the very bottom called “miscellaneous,” defined as the following:
“We want to make sure we have the chance to recognize all the best mommy blogs out there, so we’ve added a miscellaneous blog category to cover anything we may have missed. Don’t see the perfect category for your favorite blog? Nominate it here.”
You get my point: have you ever felt like you were part of “anything we may have missed”?
I’m not trying to take on an “I’m-a-victim” attitude, but you see where I’m coming from don’t you? My mind is spinning with ideas: I could nominate every blog on my Links Page up the wazoo so that single parents dominate every category. What do you think?
~~~
Update: Head’s up at 3 p.m. PST on Friday: The Bump apologized!
Mamas, your voices have been heard! I just heard back from PR at “The Bump Mommy Blog Awards” in this email:
“We saw your blog post this morning and wanted to let you know we will be adding a new “Single Moms” category, which will be live on the site tomorrow… It was not our intention to offend you and we sincerely hope that you understand.”
“It was by no means our way of slighting an entire community, but quickest way of including everyone who was interested in participating. I should’ve explained that in my response to your initial email, and I deeply apologize.”
~~~
Yeah! Here’s the list of folks going to see The Boys are Back screening:
- GLSD
- Randy
- Ms. V.
- That One Mom
- Kari
~~~
And the Poster Brain winners?
Mommy to the Monsters and Priscilla San Remo
P.S. I’m sorry to keep you in the dark about this, but Carole-the-matchmaker has been out of town and I haven’t been able to reach her — yet — about the winner of the one-on-one coaching session. That winner is coming soon!
~~
Post Footer automatically generated by Add Post Footer Plugin for wordpress.
{ 2 trackbacks }
{ 37 comments… read them below or add one }
Go ahead and get mad–I agree that you/we’ve been dissed. I wonder why?
Interesting reaction… never realized I was just miscellaneous as a single mom. Hrrmmm… do they not realize how many of us are out here?
Disappointed, frankly.
Katherine SOLOdotmom´s last blog ..List for Newlyweds, Part 1 of 5
I’m not miscellaneous. I’m The Bitch who Does It All.
Fuck them and fuck their popularity contest.
Emily´s last blog ..Good Lawd, it’s Mornin.
Well that makes perfect sense! It’s common knowledge that single mothers are just the bottom feeders of the mommy barrel, right? I mean, we don’t have have PARTNERS. We’re not important or valuable. Certainly not in a publication about pregnancy! MOTHERS WITHOUT HUSBANDS! Can you imagine??
Jeez. That ticks me off.
Jami´s last blog ..Right now, millions of dead poets are rolling over in their graves.
It’s just a matter of that “high level PR manager” not being able to relate to single moms. Not everyone gets it because they haven’t been there. Its not a “victim” thing at all.
Its just ignorance, plain and simple.
T´s last blog ..What the human body can do
Thanks to http://www.tsquest.blogspot.com for pointing out that I had an extra paragraph in that post. That’s what I get for blogging so that at night!
Anyway, you all say it MUCH better than me. Whoa, do you!
Statistically speaking, we’ve totally been dissed. Look at the research, nearly half of all children are born into single parent households. How do you just leave that out? Ignorance.
Ali´s last blog ..I Don’t Want A Husband…I Want a Lifelong Traveling Companion
You’re definitely not playing any sort of victim card here. In 2009, it’s just plain stupid of them to not include a single mom category. This isn’t 1952. There are a lot of us, and we are loud and a little bit bitter sometimes… but we are also strong and determined and fantastic mothers. Shame on The Bump. Seriously.
Roxanne´s last blog ..Win books and help Read for the Record
I don’t care. I’m a single Mom who’s way to busy to worry about being left out…because I’m busy raising the children.
And, by the way…this just gives me an opportunity to voice how much I HATE pregnancy being called “the bump”. Gross, that.
Ms. V´s last blog ..randomness
PS-Thanks for the tickets!!! WOOT!
Ms. V´s last blog ..randomness
Where’s the Divorced Mom category? The Polyamorous Mom category? The Cougar Mom category?
OK, I’m joking.
But, I think there are many ways to define ourselves — I suppose I could see myself under the Divorced Mom category, or Single Mom (aka Miscellaneous!), or Working Mom, or Mom Of Teens or …
I do think there was an oversight by not having a Single Mom category because, my God — there are so many of us! ! But I wouldn’t take it as a slight to single mothers because we are so many others things we singles moms are beyond just being “single.”
Just my two cents. And, Rachel, you have my vote — what category you w want?
Kat Wilder´s last blog ..You don’t have to love his quirks, just him
@Kat Wilder: Yes, it was an oversight. But Dads have their own category on a Pregnancy site… So, adding a Single Mom category doesn’t seem like such a stretch.
Indeed, we are SO “many others things we singles moms are beyond just being ‘single.’ “… But if I was going to nominate you, which category would YOU be in? Just curious. (I might be Working Mom. Hmmm.)
I guess I’d have to be Flirtatious Middle-aged Divorced Working Mother of a Teen Who Refuses to Be Labeled.
Uh, guess that makes me a miscellaneous …
Kat Wilder´s last blog ..You don’t have to love his quirks, just him
Uh, I meant to say:
But I wouldn’t take it as a slight to single mothers because we are so many others things beyond just being “single.”
Coffee!!!!
Kat Wilder´s last blog ..You don’t have to love his quirks, just him
I had to chuckle at this. Wow — I am now miscellaneous.
Nicole´s last blog ..I Love This Kid
It really sounds like a deliberate diss or at least ommission, and the “miscellaneous” category says nothing, except that The Bump doesn’t wish to acknowledge single moms.
Good for you for speaking up, and I’d think twice about how I dealt with them going forward.
I’m stunned that they could have all the categories they do have and not have one for single moms. It’s, at best, a glaring oversight.
Single-mom-blogging is its own category in the blogosphere, and leaving that category out of this list — and trying to address it by adding a miscellaneous category — is insulting.
Hrm. I think the initial lack of category could be brushed off as an oversight. But the response to that oversight when pointed out… Miscellaneous? How many latent insecurities and anxieties does *that* trigger?
I say again: Hrm.
Martini Mom´s last blog ..Excuses
This is funny because I’m a member of The Bump and was actually going to submit my blog. Unfortunately – I didn’t fit in a category, so I thought “f- it”. I don’t want to be miscellaneous. And you’re right – she totally missed your point. I’m with you.
Rachel please respond to her and let her know that part of her job for PR for a PARENTING magazine is to know about parenting trends in the nation. Presently 1/3 of US births are to unwed mothers. Whatever their situation is they are legally unwed.
Please also remind her of the divorce stats in the US. If over 50% of marriages end in divorce the 2/3 of married births will result in a 50% divorce rate. Now I am not a statistician, but I’m a smart cookie and I can tell that in a child’s lifetime their odds of at some time being rasied in a single parent home are pretty high. I didn’t even figure in untimely death of a parent which I believe is about 10%.
That’s a pretty damn big MISCELLANEOUS category now isn’t it? I think it may be a bit larger than fertility challenged or stay at homes. I won’t run down the stats on those and embarrass her…that’s just not my style. See I may be a single mom, but I’m smart and I’ve got something called tact and class! I got it from MY momma!
@Amy Anderson: Exactly! You put it so well.
When a woman says, “I’m a single mom” nowadays, you really don’t know what her relationship status is.
She might be divorced or separated. She might be remarried. She might be living with her boyfriend. She might be widowed. She might be a military mom. She might be a single mom by choice.
As you say: many women have second – and even third — weddings. They might have blended families or step-kids. That traditional white dress wedding is not the norm anymore. And it’s time for the PR folks to get on board about this.
Hell yeah! Let’s nominate each other. I will have some time tomorrow morning — tonight if the insomnia kicks in AGAIN — and I’m down with plugging single mother blogs across the Net.
All right @solomother, I’ll nominate you! (and the rest of you!). On work deadline, and the kid has the day off school for some teacher meetings… Insomnia might kick in here, too!
I’ve a right mind to go to the bump and mention that I’m not miscellaneous, I’m AWESOME.
PSHAW!
Generally speaking I don’t take offense at ‘single mom’ being omitted as a category. I don’t really look in the mirror and see “single mom.” I’m a mom. I’m a parent, perhaps I should say.
But they’ve split it up into categories. Blogs about staying at home as a mom, blogs about fertility issues, blogs about being a dad. I do think that they cannot possibly have a category for everyone, but … yeesh. There are a lot of us single parents. And a whole bunch write blogs where being a single parent is the cohesive, defining theme.
IMO they should add the category, not lose you in miscellany.
Melanie´s last blog ..Meshing Styles
What? So single moms aren’t moms according to the PR at Bump?
It is a diss that she made us ‘miscellanious’ especially AFTER you pointed out the omission. Pretty poor PR as far as I’m concerened.
MindyMom/Single Mom Says…´s last blog ..Jon Gosselin: Opportunistic Narcissist or Caring Father?
Insulting. Blind. Bad business.
That’s an inexperienced (and short-sighted) PR person. (Is she having trouble seeing beyond her bump?)
BOYCOTT.
BigLittleWolf´s last blog ..Narcissistic relationship? Use it or lose it.
PS – SOLO MOMS ROCK!
(So do the solo dads and other GOOD parents just taking care of the parenting biz… in whatever configuration it comes in!)
BigLittleWolf´s last blog ..Narcissistic relationship? Use it or lose it.
I don’t blame you for being upset. The “correction” was probably worse than the initial oversight. “We’re not going to add a category for you but we will add a catch all for everyone we might have missed.” That’s just not right.
By the way these kinds of slights are the same reason I cancelled my subscription to Parenting Magazine. 1 page a month devoted to dads, maybe 2 in June. I don’t see why it’s so hard to cover the bases with balanced writing.
SDMktg´s last blog ..Team Colors for your Grill
I think it was rather short sighted of them to get you to promote it and not have a single mum category there. At least they’ve listened and now included it.
Well. I’m offended.
I DO see myself as a Single mom and not just as a mom. My reality is very different from a married mom’s. My mothering experience is distinct.
This miscellaneous category makes me suspicious of Bumps intentions. Are they trying to intentionally exclude a certain demographic? Good for you ,Rachel for calling it out.!
singlemomsong´s last blog ..Getting back in the Groove
I’m glad they apologized to you, but it still pisses me off. Single moms often get treated like the red headed step children. Each and everyone of us deserve to be respected. We have to be everything to our kids morning noon and night. We take care and love our children just as well as any stay at home mom while working 40-60 hours a week. Good for you for getting their attention!!
Like I don’t spend enough time feeling guilt because I couldn’t make my marriage work. Now I need to be shunned online as well? Please.
Not to slight any category of mother, but damn if we aren’t a hard working under-appreciated group! If the rest of the single moms are like me, they wake early, go to bed late and still never find enough time to accomplish everything that needs to be done. If they are also like me, they don’t have enough sick time to accommodate all the needs of their brood.
All hail single moms everywhere!
Nicki´s last blog ..So, here’s what happened…
Wow. I received the same email, but didn’t go as far as clicking over to the site. I’m glad I didn’t — Mama woulda been a leetle taken aback. Good for you, Rachel, for making The Bump aware of a massive faux pas.
mommypie´s last blog ..The Tooth Fairy’s first visit to the Pie House.