You’ve probably noticed

by singlemomseeking on August 3, 2009

chairs-empty

I’ve been a little quiet these days. If you asked me why, I’d tell you that I’m working hard behind-the-scenes.

With two blogs under my belt as well as freelance editing — and some exciting plans in the works — my plate is full.

But leave it to a blogger like Depot Dad to disagree. “Work?” he’d probably say to me. “Yeah, right!”

That’s because Depot Dad says that what’s really going on is “a crisis” in the blogging world.

In fact, it’s one, he says, “that has intruded into too many of the lives of so many in our beloved single parent blogging community.”

A crisis, you say?

“I am just going to say it straight out,” writes Depot Dad in his recent post.

“There’s just too damn much LOVE going on. And look! It has stricken the very best of our ranks! One Woman Show, Better Now… Canadian Bald Guy (who didn’t even have the courtesy to woo outside our party, but insisted on stealing the heart of ANOTHER SINGLE PARENT BLOGGER, thereby reducing our ranks further!), and now, and with my deepest regrets, Mommy Pie!”

Of course, Depot Dad is happy for all of us (you are, aren’t you, Jim?). But here’s what’s really at the heart of his protest:

“The reduction in single parent blogs! You see, once a good single parent blogger goes all a flutter with tweety birds and hearts circling their heads, they suddenly forget about their blogs. Or worse! They do remember them and suddenly fill their blog space with the most insidious, nauseous, and unbecoming descriptions of their gooey joys.”

“Where is the acerbic wit?” he wants to know. “Where is the suffering? Where is the pointed sarcasm and bitterness? These are what make great coffee time blog reading. These are the tasty morsels of the community I recognize and adore.”

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In fact, that hunk of a Depot Dad is so worked up over this that he has taken to squatting on Mommy Pie’s blog. For real.

“I’ve taken it upon myself to move in there,” he explains in Mommy Pie’s Comments.

“You know, until she returns. It is kind of like having a party in the house of your neighbor’s while they are away on vacation. I’m planning on posting some blog posts there over the next several days and weeks. Maybe you’d like to join the party?”

~~~

So, tell me: Do you agree with Depot Dad?

Is all this single parent blogging “gooey joy”…. just too gooey?

Do you also find yourself missing what was in much of the single parent blogging community lately?

And if so, what shall we do about it?

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Do you ever stop being a single mom? | Singlemommyhood.com
September 8, 2009 at 6:04 am

{ 33 comments… read them below or add one }

Kevin August 3, 2009 at 4:40 pm

I’m glad people can find love in the blogosphere, but I kinda agree with Depot Dad. Blogs read better when they are peppered with some sarcasm, some bitterness. Still, though, reading about others having good times (And you, Rachel – I’m so happy for the state you are in now) makes you realize that there is some good stuff happening to people.
Cheers!

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MindyMom August 3, 2009 at 4:59 pm

I love Jim’s post up on Mommy Pie’s blog; it’s brilliant. I too noticed that love is rampant in the blogoshpere.

However…if Jim or anyone else needs to read some angst and sarcasm there’s plenty of that on my blog. With two ex-a$$holes and their self-serving and malicious behaviors I got that in spades baby. Throw in my online dating nightmare stories and I can keep him in the single parent blogging comfort zone for a long time!

Unfortunately.

But it is nice to break it up with some lovey-dovey gushiness too. Balance is always good. :)

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Melanie August 3, 2009 at 5:10 pm

It’s part of the natural flow of things. Just wave, smile, and move on to new blogs. Lots and lots of us single parent bloggers out there!

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Melanie August 3, 2009 at 5:17 pm

Ohdear … on reading what I wrote, was awfully flippant and … conveyed the wrong message. Frazzled here.

Wave at them. Smile. Enjoy their happiness. But if you need sarcasm and wit and they aren’t supplying it, find someone else to read for a bit. You might just find another favourite read. As the lovey-dovey-gooey-sweet phase wears off, they may just return to their old selves; happy and still in love I hope, but also with their old edge.

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judy August 3, 2009 at 6:53 pm

Honestly now, everything has a season.
Rachel, if….OOOPS WHEN NOT IF….you find love and you are no longer Single Mom Seeking more power to you. Yes I will miss your single blog but don’t put your happiness on hold for my enjoyment because I might find love before you and stop reading or might just stop reading out of boredom or find another blog or other activity which will knock you off my priority list all together.

Do I perhaps sense a little envy from Depot Dad?
Is he secretly in love with one of the aforementioned lovey-dovey bloggers? Has he become a blogging co-dependent? Does he rely on blogs to fill a social or other need and now does not know how else to fill that since some of it is going away in blogasphere?

Just had to ask…

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Crazy Computer Dad August 3, 2009 at 7:32 pm

:-) Maybe blogging is like living with people…and all of our biorhythms got in sync?

Or maybe just opening up and being able to express ourselves helped us let go of the negativity that may have been sabotaging things?

Or, maybe we have learned enough about ourselves here and there in the blogs that we can finally be open and ready for the right relationship to come along?

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VJ August 3, 2009 at 7:56 pm

Yes! Contentment & happiness is the Death of blogging! Always. Ditto for fiction writing too. It’s a tough uphill climb afterwards to produce. So yes, be forewarned. Your online friends will slowly disappear, just like they do in real life when love comes knocking. Everything non essential falls away. And even then… They’ll resurface perhaps some years hence with cooking/vacation/travel/family blogs. The big excitement will come with the pilfered photos someone in Slovenia is using of cute little Kimmy to run a bogus adoption scam. Believe it.

Then you’ll get a bit bored and wonder where all your angsty, funny fellow mommy boggers went. Mostly, cheerily, happily & hopefully the same way, down the same comfortable ‘rabbit hole’ in time. This is the way the story ends. Slowly softly, with Louie Armstrong singing in the background. Cheers & Good Luck! ‘VJ’

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Alicia August 3, 2009 at 7:56 pm

Haha! I think it just goes to show that single parenting is not a fixed state, and it is not a permanent identity marker. It is a fluid state, as we, as people, move in and out of relationships and seek our true selves. We’re all social creatures, just doing what we do… No one can deny the power of love though!

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singlemomseeking August 4, 2009 at 8:01 am

Love that @Alicia! “…single parenting is not a fixed state, and it is not a permanent identity marker. It is a fluid state, as we, as people, move in and out of relationships and seek our true selves.”

Does everyone here know at least one single parent who is now in a committed partnership?

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Phil August 3, 2009 at 8:28 pm

A poor struggling artist will almost always produce better and more interesting work than a happy well-adjusted artist. Sorry, there is nothing you can do about it.

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singlemomseeking August 3, 2009 at 8:58 pm

@Crazy Computer Dad: I certainly have wondered that, too….And you’re part of this gooey blogging crowd, too.

Re: “Maybe blogging is like living with people… and all of our biorhythms got in sync?”

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erin August 3, 2009 at 10:01 pm

I’m new and..
The love part keeps me hopeful but the bitter ones keep me sane.
I like em all. Depot Dad: I miss you.

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April August 3, 2009 at 10:36 pm

I think singlemommyhood needs to do a post on all the single parents that actually are still single :)

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singlemomseeking August 4, 2009 at 7:57 am

@April, great idea! “I think Singlemommyhood needs to do a post on all the single parents that actually are still single.”

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Kari August 4, 2009 at 4:00 am

Part of the reason I’ve been quite is just the same… I’m not sure how to blog about being a single parent anymore… I mean I’m still a single parent right? He isn’t her parent although he does help out with parenting duties but not ALL of them and its all still so new this moving in together thing.

Part of me doesn’t want to lose what is in that blog and make it different. I don’t want to lose that woman who was finding herself. That blog is me… just me, it was about being alone but not really alone.

I resigned myself not to blog about ex or custody crap… so what else is there to blog about now that makes it just me and not about my ‘new life’ as a partly single mom.

I have to say I love… Alicia’s comment. Hows that for oooey gooey?

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jerri August 4, 2009 at 5:16 am

I think, for me, it leads to mixed feelings.. I do feel sometimes like “too gooey” sometimes it feels then like “everyone but me” but then I look at it from the other perspective …that hey! it does happen ….Gives me hope, my time will come too…

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Nicki August 4, 2009 at 5:55 am

Yeah, I started Suddenly Single Journey just as I was moving in with S, Mr. On Again/Off Again. I figured that with all the drama in our lives, I would still find plenty to talk about. While I’m not dating anyone else (duh), I’m still single. We’re not married. The kids are essentially my responsibility, though I run things by him, wanting him to feel included. And I can support the argument that this is my journey in a million different ways. I have a lot to blog about: adapting to living with a man who’s never shared his house with anyone, let alone a woman and her teen and tween; raising the kids, dealing with all that a divorce entails…and on and on it goes. I’d love more input.

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Susan August 4, 2009 at 6:31 am

Ha, this one makes me chuckle. Oh, that Depot Dad. I don’t necessarily disagree with him, though. I admit I don’t like reading blogs that are solely lovey-dovey — blech. I tried to stay away from that, for the most part, on my blog for that reason. (I hope it worked!)

As for whether love and blogging mix, well, blogs, like people, go through stages and are fluid as Alicia pointed out. Part of the reason I stopped blogging is that I’ve had the wonderful addition of a partner in my life. But the other, main part was just wanting to get away from the damn computer screen during all my waking hours. (I spend a lot of time at a desk for work, too.) I was afraid my kids would only be able to identify me by the back of my head looking at my laptop!

I always identify with and like some blogs and their authors/”voices” more than others. It’s those that I stay with over time, regardless of the person’s marital status…just like in real life offline.

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Kristin LaVanway August 4, 2009 at 7:13 am

So…some single folks actually do find love? Well, that’s a promising concept!

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Amy August 4, 2009 at 7:15 am

I hit a dry spot in my blog because I barely have time to scratch my own ass recently – let alone someone elses.

But I do agree that there is a definite change in many of the blogs. But I am not going to sweat it. The only sure thing is that nothing stays the same. Even the lovey dovey crap.

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Amy Sue Nathan August 4, 2009 at 7:26 am

I don’t read many single parent blogs because I don’t relate to most of them at all.

I certainly don’t want to read about burgeoning romances (sorry folks) but I also don’t want to read all snark and sarcasm.

I like real life, well-written stories that are not linked to other blogs or companies in every paragraph. I like stories that explore situations and make me laugh or cry or think.

Single, married, green, blue or purple, those blogs are few and far between.

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coquiverde August 4, 2009 at 8:29 am

could do a post on married parents who wished they were single…guess this all depends on what your purpose in blogging really is…i feel if you want to write about angst there’s plenty of that out there whether married or single, in love or out of love…there’s also plenty of joy and ooey gooey out there to write about…

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QTMama August 4, 2009 at 9:32 am

My blog has become such a part of who I am now, even when I AM dating someone? I can’t imagine giving it up. I just, well, love it too much.

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MommaSunshine August 4, 2009 at 10:33 am

I don’t really think of my blog as a “single parent blog”. My blog is about my own personal journey, and well, right now, that includes a lot of gooey love stuff because that happens to be the phase that I’m going through right now. I do write about other things as well. My blog is going to continue to be a reflection of who I am – single or not, in love or not, happy or not.

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Jim Everson (Depot Dad) August 4, 2009 at 12:23 pm

Well, I don’t want to burst bubbles or anything, but I hope everyone realizes that I wrote that comment about bloggers in love with my tongue firmly planted in cheek. In reality, I am over the moon happy about the connections being made. If gooey was on sale, I’d be first in line to get me some. I think it’s great. I just simply noticed that people blog less when they actually have exciting things going on in the real world. And how can anyone seriously complain about that? Love on!

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singlemomseeking August 4, 2009 at 1:40 pm

Oh, go ahead and burst our bubbles, @Depot Dad!

We’re having a serious discussion over here, and you… Really: I know that you were being tongue-in-cheek. It’s a great observation, and you were the one who finally came out and just said it.

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T August 4, 2009 at 12:27 pm

Yeah, I agree with Momma Sunshine.

I named my blog “The Quest for T” because it is really about my journey through life, relationships, spirituality, sex, athleticism…

I try to relate all that I’m going through to my search for self.

Hopefully, that message comes across.

I started the blog in one relationship, went through some alone time with dating and now am entering another relationship. As Alicia says, it is a fluid state.

Besides, balance is good! Even if we have to find balance by looking at the blogosphere as a whole.

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Canadian Bald Guy August 4, 2009 at 4:35 pm

I absolutely have to agree with Jim on this one.

When I’m with Sunshine, I just don’t have the time to write the things that I’d like to write.

And yes…many of my posts then turn into pictures of the two of us and/or “insidious, nauseous, and unbecoming descriptions of (our) gooey joys.”

Ahhh well. What’s a blogging guy in love to do??

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LeAnna in MN August 4, 2009 at 8:27 pm

Yeah, I hate to say it, but I don’t read any of your posts relating to The Guy. I don’t read a single parent’s blog for fun, titillating relationship stuff. I have no relationship, so it has nothing to do with my life right now. Which means lately…I don’t read your blog. I wish you lots of happiness, don’t get me wrong. I just don’t want to read about delicious, gooey love. It’s just not my thing. Also don’t usually like romance novels or romantic comedies.

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PT-LawMom August 4, 2009 at 9:34 pm

I have been head over heels for Mr. V for four months now and my blogging has seriously fallen off. So, too, has my blog reading. Sigh… Misery loves company? There is definitely great solidarity in blogging through rough time. I am definitely in the camp with those who are finding these days that they are spending too much time out with their better half and less time writing about it.

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Kat Wilder August 6, 2009 at 7:16 am

Ha! Depot Dad is right. I blogged about that awhile ago, You, me and boredom make three.

Love not only makes us fat, but a little soft with the wit.

** Sigh.**

We never can “have it all,” can we?

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Single Mom Survives August 7, 2009 at 1:06 pm

Great post! Just give it time. A fresh new crop of bitchtastic divorcees and dastardly doting single dads will be here soon enough.

Looks like my sarcastic bitchy biterness filled blog arrived just in time to save the day! ;)

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Mama Dharma August 9, 2009 at 8:12 pm

Awww, I’m happy for all the single parent bloggers who have found love. Just like I’m happy for all of my gazillion IRL friends who seem to be dating and falling in love.

I do notice that I am not one of those people.

I also don’t much tend to read about people being in love – whether in the blogosphere or elsewhere. Again I do reiterate my happiness for people in that place…but it is just hard for me to ingest, from the place I’m at. I need more of the inspiration to keep going on, alone, kind of thing. :-P

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