Well, I’m glad to see that you guys worked it out. Apparently, he is a very understanding guy as well as lucky.

I’m thinking of you. And yes, boundaries. We all need to set them. Me included! I have children who follow me everywhere and expect me to entertain them constantly so um… yeah. I get this.

Miss you honey!
T´s last blog ..Honesty? Honestly?!

It’s a question I wrestle with. So far, I haven’t done it–because I haven’t found a man I’m that serious about yet. But I know it’s going to come up sometime! Especially for someone like me who absolutely *doesn’t* want to rush into marriage again (if ever).

I read all these divorce and dating books when I first got divorced, but I’m convinced now they are mostly full of ***. I’ve found that the “date 6 months before introducing him to your kids” advice is not very practical, so I figure the “never let him sleep over” advice is probably similarly problematic.

Re the 6 months rule: this rule seems to assume that you are only ever *casually* dating any man–that you date men but have no interest at all in whether or not a particular man would ever fit into your family. Personally, that’ not how/why I date. Why would I bother to date someone for 6 whole months but not try to get close to him? Excluding him from meeting my family would keep me from getting close to him. I can’t imagine getting very close to a man (or any friend, actually) *without* having them meet my kids. My kids are a big deal to me, but they don’t exist in a hermetically sealed vacuum away from my work friends, neighbors, and everyone else in my life. I don’t think it hurts my kids to meet people in general, so why would meeting a BF be so traumatic? In fact, one guys I dated for a while started out as a friend of our family for several years, so he already knew my kids (oops!) I do wonder what the “6 monthers” would do in that situation?!

Also, how a man reacts to kids tells you a lot about him. And if he’s willing/eager to meet your kids at all also tells you a lot about the relationship’s potential. I don’t want to fall for a guy who hates my kids!

Regarding the sleeping-over thing (if it ever comes up for me), I’m going to do it. Obvs, you wouldn’t want your children to note that you are sleeping with dozens of men. But a man you’re in a committed relationship with, and you’re both serious about it, and you’ve been together for a significant amount of time–why not?

I think modelling responsible and healthy dating behavior will probably be a lot more useful to my children than pretending to them that women/their mom never dates.

I want my children to feel comfortable discussing dating and sex with me as they grow up–and how will they do this if they think I never date or have sex?

I want them to be able to make good decisions about these normal parts of life, instead of denying they exist and then feeling like the have to get married to the first guy they have a crush on or have sex with.

Re vacationing together–my own feeling (I know others might not agree) is that it’s not fair to the guy to ask him to spend his vacation days with you and your family and contribute financially to the vacation, and then to turn around and banish him as if he’s an outsider. Even if you don’t feel comfortable having sex with your children sleeping nearby, I think you have to let him into your bed at night! He would need some face-to-face exclusive time with you, and the closeness, I’d think. Especially if you usually spend every night together when you’re at home. At least, that’s how I would feel. I would not want to go on a vacation with my boyfriend and his children, never get any time alone with him, and then get shuffled off to the couch at the end of the day. Ugh! I’d rather just stay home alone and work, or go off to see my family or on a vacation with my GFs. (Just my opinion)

It’s just that I lack the ability to enforce them in reality, when I know that my child will only be a child for so long and really, shouldn’t I give her what she wants now, before she finds out what the world is really made of?

Don’t answer that.

I know the answer.

I just don’t want to hear it. That is MY boundary. (I’m good with that one.)
Jenn´s last blog ..Five Feet Tall

As for ever bed sharing with a man while she is around – I just don’t think I’ll do it unless things were VERY serious and this was going to be a permanant thing. Although I know you can never know that for sure. Time can be a good indicator to start with. So I wil likely take my time introducing anyone – and then even way longer before I share a bed with him while she is in the house.

But I kept my virginity for my husband as well – and I was 23. So I qualify as really old fashioned. My opinions may be completely out of date.
amymarie´s last blog ..Journal 131: September 2009 Small Success vs Big Failures

I wouldn’t feel comfortable, he wouldn’t feel comfortable and the kids — and both are teenagers — don’t feel comfortable. They might say they’re OK with it, but I think, underneath, they’re not totally.

But, my situation is different than yours; I am a 50-50 co-parent, so I have lots of time to myself and for sleepovers . It’s harder when you have a child all the time, and when the child’s dad isn’t a big part of her life, and they can feel odd about other men intheir mom’s life.

Please don’t take this as judgment, but six months is when I would introduce a man to my child, not have sleepovers or go away together. But, like Amy Sue, I’m old-fashioned. Or maybe too cautious. Perhaps, a little neurotic. Goodness, maybe all three!
Kat Wilder´s last blog ..Two women, one man — can this end well?