Sleeping arrangements

by singlemomseeking on August 28, 2009

When that Lucky Guy and I were planning our trip to Kauai, I let him take over the hotel arrangements. Okay, I didn’t exactly let him “take over.” Before leaving, I’d stayed up late a couple of nights to browse online and see what might be available at the end of August (and what might be reasonable). Then, I sent a handful of links to him, and he emailed to follow up.

The first week, he and I stayed in this former plantation cottage on the southern part of the island, where it was very quiet minus the roosters that start crowing at 4 a.m:


After getting over my initial “kid sickness,” I was giddy. Wow, I could really lounge on the porch and read a book for hours? I could really sleep in? (A couple of roosters crowing? How romantic!)

After hiking every day, we either stopped at our favorite “Shrimp Station” in town or picked up fresh fish to cook. (I admit it: I didn’t make dinner one night we were there. He did.) We walked on the black sand on the beach, two minutes from our cottage. The stars at night were brilliant.

Then, on Day Six, we drove north and picked up M. We were headed to this condo on the north shore of Kauai.

It’s a big one bedroom place — with a huge couch and a roll away bed in the living room,” LG had told me earlier.

“Okay,” I said. “And where do you think everyone will sleep?”

He looked at me like I was joking. “We’ll sleep in the bedroom,” he said. “And M can sleep on the sofa or roll-away bed.”

But I know my kid. I bit my bottom lip and said, “I should give you the heads-up about something. She might put a fight about sleeping on a little bed in the other room, while we share the big master bed.”

And the truth is, I knew I’d miss her, too. I felt stuck. Could I plead with him to take the roll-away bed? Uh, no. And asking my boyfriend to share a family bed with my kid and me? That would be too strange, right?

That night, on my way to pick up M, I got a call that she’d gone to a local film festival with our family friends. A mile north of Hanalei, we spotted the bright screen. I searched for M in the grass, in the dark, and she reached out and grabbed me. It was the best hug ever.

We didn’t get to our condo until 10 p.m. and the first thing I noticed was the sofa in the living room: one of those long U-shaped couches. Sure, maybe she could sleep there, but when I sat down, I realized that the pillows were sewn on and didn’t come off. It would be a tight fit.

Then, I found the roll-away bed in the closet and pulled it out. It was a bit sad, just like this:


Still, I put a fitted sheet on the little cot, with a flowery comforter and a soft pillow. When I sat down on the cot and waved M over, she made an icky face. “I’m NOT sleeping there!” she said.

So, I’m curious:

What would you have done in the situation? What would the sleeping arrangements have looked like? And, in the end, where do you think everyone slept?

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{ 22 comments… read them below or add one }

Filipina Girl September 11, 2009 at 6:32 pm

When my mom was dating and then the guy will have sleepover in our house we were lucky that we did not experience sleeping on bedsheets or couch on the floor since we do have other rooms. Same goes when we do sleepover in the guy’s house that my mom dated before, he provided us extra room for us, kids, to sleep.


Linsey August 31, 2009 at 8:33 am

When my mom started dating my now-stepdad… I was 4, my brother was 7. We started having occasional “sleepovers” at his place when I was 6 or 7. I would sleep on the couch, my brother would sleep in a sleeping bag. There was no discussion.


Avigail74 August 30, 2009 at 7:26 pm

Sorry for my grammatical mistake—let me rephrase part of the sentence…you (child) were here first.


Avigail74 August 30, 2009 at 7:23 pm

Please allow me to share from the “other” person’s perspective, as a former step-mother. One thing that made my relationship difficult with my ex was that I was always beneath his child. What I want to share is: it’s not a good feeling at all. It didn’t feel like a partnership–it felt like a them against me—let’s remind her (me) that she’s not THAT important and that she will stand under you (child) because, you (child) was here first. I often wondered where or why I was even in the picture (at the time). Just something to think about.


amymarie August 30, 2009 at 1:09 pm

With my daughter being 4 there is no question. We co-sleep at home – and she and I would be in the master bed and he would be on the couch or roll away. It isn’t about giving her power – it is about not playing “family” when we were not quite there yet. Married – and an older kid would be a different story.

I am guessing that LG took the roll away. But that after M went to sleep – you snuck into the other room with LG – which could have been really exciting.


GLSD August 30, 2009 at 10:52 am

I have a son and a daughter, so they always share a room when we go on vacay. When they were younger (6 &9) they loved camping on their bedroom floors. With M being an only child… I’m guessing LG slept on the roll away?! 🙂 or M slept on the floor in the master room?! After all you and LG had 6 days alone lol :o)


Legal Editor Mom August 30, 2009 at 9:57 am

While I’m enforcing my daughter sleeping in her own room in her own bed, I don’t allow male sleepover guests when she’s home. If we were traveling with my boyfriend, my child and I would share the bed and the boyfriend would get the roll away, out of respect for her. Now if he and get married, that’s a different story.


Priscilla San Remo August 30, 2009 at 8:21 am

MindyMom said EXACTLY what I was going to!

That’s what I meant in a previous comment about parents protecting their kids too much from having any unpleasant experiences. Not that I want M to have horrible, therapy-inducing sadness and loss in her life. I just think all kids need to learn how to deal with garden variety less-than-perfect feelings, like boredom and homesickness. Or putting up with a lumpy mattress. Believe me, it makes them more compassionate, more resilient, and less entitled as adults.


MC August 30, 2009 at 6:36 am

Hi, and I’m glad to hear that you’re having a great vacation!

Re your issue: I’m with Mindymom—no question, I’d take the bed and my kids would take the pullout or rollaway. Maybe I’m selfish, but I just can’t sleep well in a bed with two 10 year olds–and nothing brings down a vacation faster than “grumpy mommy”!

Since my twins were 4 years old (coincided with my breakup with their Dad), I’ve worked hard to get them to change from sleeping with me to sleeping in their own bed. It was really hard at first, but it worked much better after I made myself do *no exceptions*. 6 yrs later, they’re quite happy to sleep in their own little beds even while we’re on vacation—as long as they each have their piles of special stuffed animals along (yes, I pay the $15 checked luggage fee just for that!). I think it also helps that there’s 2 of them though–might be harder for an only child.


deesha August 29, 2009 at 3:44 pm

My girls and I would sleep in the master bed, and my guy would sleep on the rollaway. He, nor I would, have it any other way, even now that we are engaged.


Bobbi Janay August 29, 2009 at 11:36 am

Told her the same thing my parents told me when you can pay for the room you get the choice of where you sleep.


MindyMom/Single Mom Says... August 29, 2009 at 10:53 am

I think adults give their kids WAY too much power these days, i.e.; what would you like for dinner? and where do you want to sleep? The master bedroom should be for the adults and the kids should get the couch/pull out. It doesn’t mean you love your kids any less to have your own adult space. And when your child turns their nose up at the pull-out ON VACATION IN HAWAII I think there’s a bigger lesson to be learned there. Just sayin’.


singlemomseeking August 29, 2009 at 3:11 pm

@Mindy Mom: Clearly, I need to have more boundaries! You’re raising four amazing daughters, and I trust your experience to the max. Thanks.

@Bobby Janay and @SDMktg, re:saying, “When you can pay for the room, you get the choice of where you sleep.”
Wow, wish I’d had the guts to have said that.


Mommy to the Monsters September 1, 2009 at 11:09 pm

OMG..I completely agree with get way too many choices nowadays…..
.-= Mommy to the Monsters´s last blog ..D’s Beauty Day =-.


SDMktg August 29, 2009 at 10:05 am

I’d agree to sleep on the rollaway and try to be cool about it but I’d be very reluctant to plan anymore trips after that. Growing up we used to give up our beds for guests. I’m just one of those people where my bed is my bed and the kids have their own beds. When they are paying for the room I’ll sleep wherever.


Mike August 29, 2009 at 9:48 am

I would say it would be like when I was a kid. The roll away for the kid in any room. 3 in the bed is way too weird.

My guess is that you talked to LG and he agreed to sleep on the roll away. What did I win?


Amy Sue Nathan August 29, 2009 at 6:21 am

Oh you know me. The man gets the couch. I would shudder to think someone would allow their child in a bed with their boyfriend, and shunning the kid for the man – well – that’s no good. Perhaps you all camped out in the living room for the first night and you and LG moved when M was sound asleep?

But, like I tell my kids…grown ups get to make their own choices!


Nicki August 29, 2009 at 5:40 am

Well, it’s tricky, but if there’s anything I’ve trained my kids to do, it’s roll with it and look at it as an adventure. They’ve slept in sleeping bags in closets a la Harry Potter, they’ve been in tents in a hotel room. In Atlanta, Keenan slept with two chairs facing each other and his butt sagging a bit.

Suffice it to say, they would have had the couch, roll-away, or floor. I’d have made it comfortable (extra blankets and pillows), but those would have been the options.

Rachel is still adjusting some to sharing M. It’s taken a combination of girl time, family time, and a whole lot of compromise to get where we are, which is a pretty great place.

You can work through all of this, too!


Anita August 29, 2009 at 5:14 am

Nope, LG should have had the fold away, especially if this was the first time all three of you have been away. My little man sleeps with me whenever he likes, and no guy would ever get in the way of that…


Kindall Nelson August 28, 2009 at 11:45 pm

I would have given my child three choices; couch, roll-away or floor. If the roll-away was really bad, I would have promised to go out first thing the next day and buy her a nice comfy air matress.

Depending on the child and how much you needed some time with her, I may have let her fall asleep with me and moved her later? Its hard to say without being there… curious to see what others think.


Elissa August 28, 2009 at 11:35 pm

Well, my kids would probably have found themselves camped out on the floor of the master bedroom while the grown ups slept in the bed… but before anyone starts throwing flaming darts it bears mentioning that, strangely, my kids actually prefer the floor. In fact as I type, 2 of my girls – who by the way have perfectly comfortable beds – are camped out on the floor of their brother’s room. So, I’m pretty sure they wouldn’t have minded the floor!


singlemomseeking August 29, 2009 at 9:38 am

I’m loving your comments!

I’ve often thought that if M did have a sibling… the sleeping issue wouldn’t be, well, such an issue. She’d have a brother/sister to share a bed(or the floor!) with. But being an only child, that’s not the case.


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