Taking care

by singlemomseeking on July 30, 2009

trail_walk

I love to hike — and for the past few Sundays, I’ve scheduled some free time just to walk in the hills with that Lucky Guy.

Last weekend, however, as we climbed a steep hill and kept going, my right leg started to hurt. I kept going. But as I climbed another hill, it started to cramp up in the back, behind my knee.

I thought maybe I’d twisted my leg a strange way in kickboxing earlier that week. If I kept on walking, I figured that my muscles would stretch out and relax. But no. It hurt — a lot.

So, I told LG that I needed to stop and stretch. Him: “Are you okay?”

Me: “Yeah, I’m fine.”

For as long as I can remember, feeling needy and vulnerable with a man has terrified me. Don’t get me wrong: who doesn’t want someone to lean on? Who doesn’t dream about opening her eyes in a moment of anxiety and seeing him right here, present for you?

So, why is it so hard for me to lean on someone in a moment like this? I wanted to keep going on the trail, but I couldn’t hide the fact that I was limping.

“Let’s stop,” he said.

Me: “No, I’m fine, really.”

Finally, he tugged on my hand and encouraged me to sit down on the side of the trail. Fox gloves stuck to my pants, and I tried to tug them out.

Without saying a word, he took my leg and draped it on top of his. Then he started to rub gently behind my right knee. I started to laugh. Why was I so flustered? Couldn’t I simply be in this moment — on the edge of the trail, sitting in the dirt — and let this man take care of me?

Tell me: When’s the last time you let someone take care of you?





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