Alone time

by singlemomseeking on July 25, 2009

journal-taking_notes

“Maybe we should have some time apart this weekend,” I recently said to the Lucky Guy.

He looked hurt. “Time apart?”

Uh oh, that came out wrong.

What I meant was: it feels so good to hang out together as much as we can. Sometimes, I just want this certain moment to last forever and ever, unbroken. Yet these past couple of months have been so intense, between being evicted, house-hunting, parenting, working, carpooling, moving, — oh, and fitting in date nights — I haven’t slowed down and sat with myself.

But what I’ve noticed is this: if I don’t get just a bit of time to myself every day, I get out of sorts. I turn snappy and irritable, and it’s not pretty. The funny thing, however, is I can’t believe that I’m the one asking for some time and space to myself. Me, a woman who used to have such a hard time being alone.

If single motherhood has taught me anything, it’s how to be alone. As many of you pointed out on this blog six months ago, being alone is not the same as loneliness.

Not long ago, any stretch of time I had by myself used to feel so hard. Let’s say that my kid was off for an afternoon play date, and I had a few hours to myself. I just had to do something: Grocery shop, plan the week’s calendar, clean, schedule.

Why couldn’t I slow down? Blogging helped. So did walking. And calling girlfriends. In between, I had some good cries. Yet, I saw how badly I needed to be with myself, alone, even when it felt so dang hard.

Now that I’ve gotten used to having “me time,” however, I need it. Do you know what I mean?

Do you also need some time and space to yourself, a bit every day? Does it renew you, too?

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