He wants to make me a bed

by singlemomseeking on June 22, 2009

I love my new home. Because it’s much smaller than my previous place, however, I spent weeks purging.

Fortunately, a yard sale covered the cost of moving. That Lucky Guy was quite the salesman! He enthusiastically helped sell my 10-year-old stereo, my rugs, lots of books, toys… and my bed frame:


If you’ve read my book, you might remember that I bought this bed frame back in 2003 (pictured here). Let’s just say that this frame has a lot of history.

It made me giddy to sell it to a sweet little lady — who was clearly past 70 — after she got a ride from someone at church to my yard sale. Isn’t that sweet?


But back to that boyfriend — whom I haven’t written about in a while — and my bed.

Getting a new bed is very meaningful, don’t you agree?

On a recent afternoon, I took M — who loves interior decorating —  to IKEA where she spotted this bed. “Mom, look!”

Indeed, it is perfect for my new little bedroom. It even has storage underneath:


When I later showed the bed to the Lucky Guy, he really liked it, too. Yeah! But I could see his mind turning.

“I could make that!” he said. One of his passions — in addition to science, cycling, and cooking — is making furniture. He made his own bed, as well as many tables, bookshelves, a bench… well, he’s simply an incredible woodworker.

“I want to make you a bed,” he said.

Me: “You do?”

Him: “Yes, just like the one from IKEA, with storage, maybe even a secret drawer–”

Me: “Stop!”

Him: “I’m serious.”

Me: “Wow, that’s incredibly generous–”

When he ran off to find his sketchbook, I got scared.

First, it has never been easy for me to accept big gifts. I have many fears around finding strings attached and owing favors. (Does this resonate with any of you?)

Besides, a bed is so significant. It is more than just piece of furniture. It’s where you sleep, rest, and you know…. A bed symbolizes a foundation.

“Let me make you a deal,” he said. “Think of this as our bed. I’m making it for both of us.”

Our bed? I love, love, love the sound of that…. but I’m afraid to accept his lavish offer. At the moment, I’m still sleeping on my mattress and box springs. I’ve gone back to IKEA once more to look at the bed in the showroom.

What do you think? Am I just over-analyzing here? (You know how I can get!) Should I accept his offer?

Or, just go to IKEA and buy a bed on my own? Help.

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{ 11 comments… read them below or add one }

BLVNU July 2, 2009 at 9:58 pm

Literally I have never posted anything on anyone’s blog before but here goes…accept the bed but offer to do him a favor in return even if he doesn’t accept the offer. That way it is like the barter system I love so much and it at least lessens the guilt factor. I am a single mother of 3 girls ages 9, 7, and 4 and I have only now started to allow my boyfriend of a year and a half to help for fear quite honestly that he would realize just how daunting it is to raise 3 girls and run for the nearest door! But the truth is that he (I call him my LTB which stands for Long Term Babe), likely similar to your Lucky Guy wants to do this for you and you should accept the gesture. Life is too short, be happy and don’t over-analyze like I tend to do – daily!


singlemomseeking July 2, 2009 at 10:36 pm

BLVNU: I’m so completely honored that this is your first-ever blog comment… and your advice is so thoughtful.

Your LTB sounds amazing…. and, yes, LG is taking tomorrow off to work on the bed. So, I’m learning to accept.

This weekend, let me buy him a nice pair of Ugg slippers when he’s at my home.


Carissa June 28, 2009 at 7:41 am

I am so happy that you decided to accept the bed! It definitely doesn’t feel like it is a ‘strings attached’ scenario because this is something he truly loves to do: woodworking. And, obviously he is into you, so it is merely a combination of doing something he loves for someone he, well, cares for deeply or… possibly loves. I say kudos to you for letting him work with his hands and create something truly special for you. Just remember to enjoy life and let the lucky guy remind himself how lucky he really is…


Klee June 24, 2009 at 9:50 pm

I need the storage! If you don’t accept this wonderful gift, I will!


singlemomseeking June 25, 2009 at 7:59 am

Latest update:
He’s coming back from a work trip today. When I pick him up at the airport, I plan to accept his incredibly generous made-by-his-hands bed. Woo eee!! Thank you all SO much!


Priscilla San Remo June 24, 2009 at 8:24 am

I’m glad Ariel chimed in, because I had the same concern about stuff under the bed. I keep bins of out-of-season shoes under my bed, and just read it could be affecting my sex life. Hmmm… since my sex life right now is pretty fantastic, I’m wondering how great it could be *without* the stuff under the bed. LOL I’ll have to give the red sheet method a try.

I’ve accepted a few large gifts from past boyfriends whom I hadn’t dated long at the time–a racing bike, a stereo… When we broke up, I sold the bike because I never wanted it in the first place–it was the boyfriend trying to make me like an activity I had no interest in. I kept the stereo, even though the breakup with that boyfriend was much more traumatic, because there was no sense of it having been forced upon me, and while it was a nice gift, it wasn’t highly personal, like a bed.

I’d say be good with accepting the bed, if you decide to do so. It seems like the overwhelming majority here is in favor of the gift, but you need to go with your gut. Is taking the bed feeling like taking a ring from him? Is it even more personal? It sounds like something is telling you not to accept it, or you wouldn’t be posting about it and soliciting feedback.

If you accept, there’s no way you can take it and say, “But not as *our* bed.” I think that would be too hurtful to him. I’m sure you need to get the mattress off the floor and deal with the storage issues now, otherwise I’d say wait until the holidays and have him make it for you then.


Solo-Dad June 23, 2009 at 8:58 pm

I’m in the minority I guess. I say refuse the gift. Let him give you something other than a bed. A bed has significance.

Over analyzed or not, a bed from him will always be a bed from him.

Is there a ring and a future attached to the bed? If so, it’s a different story. 🙂

Solo-Dad´s last blog post…An Officer and a Gentleman


Claudia June 23, 2009 at 8:52 pm

I don’t see anything wrong with taking the bed. He sounds like a nice guy and IF things were to go sour later on I really don’t think he would demand the bed back, but we shouldn’t even be thinking that way. Think of how happy he’ll be to make it for you and how happy you’ll be to accept it! It’s a very nice thing he’s willing to do, so let him!

Claudia´s last blog post…Disappointment


Bobbi Janay June 23, 2009 at 8:06 pm

I think that him wanting to make you a bed is his way of showing how committed he is to you.

Bobbi Janay´s last blog post…Manic Monday


The Feng Shui Guy June 23, 2009 at 4:37 pm

Dear Rachel,

Thank you for inviting me to jump into this topic with you all. I have thoroughly enjoyed reading your recent blogs and am thrilled to hear the thoughtful and poignant responses people have been posting to your queries.

My thoughts are:

*I love that you are getting a new bed (not a fan of metal bedframes, but also glad you are losing the history from the last bed.)
*I hope you will say yes to receive all the goodness that life (via this relationship) has to offer you.
*As far as feng shui goes, there are many thoughts about “stuff under the bed.” I don’t recommend it, because the law of relative placements suggests that which is closest to you has the most impact on you. I do believe that all of our stuff has an affect on us: positive or negative.
*As a pragmatist, I also understand the value of storage space. In that sense if having a drawer will free you up to be more organized in other parts of your space, then by all means…keep it organized and you should be fine. Just be selective about what you want under there.
*I also want you to know that no matter what challenges you have (or create) in your home, there is always always always something you can do to balance it.
*Easy solution? Say yes to the bed and put a red flat sheet on top of the wood underneath the mattress pad. It will be an energetic buffer between you and the “stuff” you put in the drawers.

In the meanwhile, I hope the new bed is everything you want it to be…and more.

All my best,


singlemomseeking June 23, 2009 at 9:39 pm

Ariel, I’m so grateful for your comment. Thank you!

P.S. You made me laugh with this line about not being “a fan of metal bed frames.”

(They are loud, aren’t they?)


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