We said the “L” word

by singlemomseeking on May 15, 2009

No doubt, you’re the kind of parent who often tells your child(ren), “I love you.” Hopefully, you also tell family members — and maybe a close friend? — how much you love them, too.

But when do you whisper those words to someone you’re dating?

Those three words put together are filled with such hope, vulnerability, sweetness, and blessing. Because what you’re really saying is: Here’s my heart, will you carry it please? Just don’t drop it…

The Lucky Guy and I had started off with a long hike in the woods in the Bay Area. And, yes, I stayed clear of the poison oak. He’d packed a picnic with wine, cheese, prosciutto (oh, this man and his prosciutto!), and chocolate. Then, we kept walking, for maybe another mile or two, I don’t remember.

We stopped in the middle of the trail and kissed, softly.

I’d never been so damn nervous about telling a man I love him. A week earlier, I had gotten up the courage to say:”I’m falling hard for you.” I wanted to say more that day, so much more. But not yet.

There we were, just off the trail, in the sunshine, holding each other, whispering… We said those three words. Then he started to cry. And I started to cry. We were one big, happy, weeping mess.

Then, life as we know it: I stopped to try to get the mud off my shoes.


Tell me: When was the last time you told someone — besides your kid or a family member — “I love you”?

P.S. Check out Singlemommyhood today, where we’re covering Tweeting for love.

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{ 30 comments… read them below or add one }

ScubaDad July 31, 2009 at 1:02 pm

Wow, I clearly need to catch up on the blog entries. I am way behind. I had an experience recently, dating another single mom who I was totally falling for; a romantic trip to wine country, a hotel near the ocean and a fireplace…After a day of amazing wine tasting and feeling just generally on cloud 9, I told her that I was falling for her. The reaction was something a bit akin to watching a large train slam full speed into a non-moving one. Watching the cars slowly back up and crash upon each other. I think it does take tremendous courage and openness to do that, especially when two single parents mesh and undertake all the complications that implies. I am not sure how long it will take me to be able to say that to someone again…


Jenn May 26, 2009 at 7:44 pm

Oh my! I need to catch up on my blog reading.

Congrats, Rachel–nothing better than throwing your heart out into the universe and having it returned.

Unbelievably happy for you.

As far as the I love you’s–that is daily, sometimes hourly. I’ve gone too long not saying it.

Much love-Jenn

Jenn´s last blog post…Impostor


Honey May 20, 2009 at 11:23 am

How long has it been (you guys dating, I mean)? I think I said I love you to the BF after about 5 months and he said it after 7 or 8.

Honey´s last blog post…Best. Party. Ever.


Gabi May 19, 2009 at 11:37 am

In the romantic sense….a really really long time!! Like YEARS!!! That is a HUGE step for me too! It’s like handing someone your heart and asking them not to stomp all over it. Once bitten twice shy here.


bad mummy May 17, 2009 at 11:31 am

So happy to read this!

It’s been about 3 yrs since I said ‘it’ to another other than family or The Mook. Tho I did say it to my FWB/best bud just the other day but in a totally platonic way. As platonic as one can get with a FWB who is also a kick-ass pseudo uncle to the Mook.

bad mummy´s last blog post…Grace in Small Things


Kari May 17, 2009 at 7:57 am

Awww so sweet!

I remember when I was first told the L word with the current squeeze.

I was in the hospital on the phone with him. I remember being scared he siad it and wanting to run away with my gown open and all. I pretended I couldn’t understand him (the pain meds helped ha!!)

Then I told him when I was ready about a month later. I know I felt it when he told me but I couldn’t let myself go down that path yet.

Good for you for having the confidence to do so!

Kari´s last blog post…Let the talking begin…. Tweens/Teens and cell phones.


walt May 16, 2009 at 9:02 pm

It sounds like we are just about on exactly the same track, as I just heard this a few weeks ago from the woman I have been seeing for two months. I think that she may really be the one for me (after lots of false starts), so I said it right back. It feels very very good. I’m still a bit cautious inside my head, because I’ve heard it a couple times before (I’ve never said it first), and possibly not always with complete sincerity.


John F May 16, 2009 at 2:14 pm

Congrats! I am a wimp when it comes to love as well. Probably never got over the hurt of the past so I am hesitant and have used the line “I think I am falling in love with you.” Gives me an out…”oops must not have been thinking”. But then it also give her the out as well, but firmly places the ball in her court.

Way to go Rachel!

John F´s last blog post…Opinions Needed


Lauren May 16, 2009 at 5:55 am

I am so happy for you!

I can’t remember the last time I told someone I loved them. I know I said it to my very first boyfriend when I was 16, but I don’t think I’ve ever said it to a guy since then.


lovebabz May 16, 2009 at 2:14 am

I am big on showering the people I love with love…if I love you I’ll tell you 🙂

I told someone just a few weeks ago. I love him.



singlemomseeking May 16, 2009 at 9:02 am

Well, Lovebabz, somehow that does NOT surprise me about you…


PT-LawMom May 15, 2009 at 8:18 pm

Awww, so wonderful!!! Congratulations.

Mr. V and I haven’t said it yet. We’re both treading carefully even though we are both head over heels. I told him I adore him. And he says he thinks I’m amazing. But that is as close as we get so far. He’ll say it. I can’t say it first because then I will psych myself out and convince myself that he only said it because I did. Yes, I’m crazy. ;-0

PT-LawMom´s last blog post…Mr. Romantic


singlemomseeking May 15, 2009 at 8:32 pm

Well, PT Law Mom, if that’s what crazy sounds like… I just might have some of that in me, too. Oh boy.


Janet May 15, 2009 at 5:06 pm

Oh, I’m so excited for you!! What a sweet story!

Janet´s last blog post…Online Dating–Not For the Faint of Heart


judy May 15, 2009 at 2:06 pm

I’m a flutter. I feel like us girls should be in jammies and you sharing this over popcorn and pepsi!!!


MC May 15, 2009 at 1:30 pm

Oops, I meant are you sure you want to share something so private? I’m happy for you but I feel odd reading all this, sorry.


singlemomseeking May 15, 2009 at 4:15 pm

MC: I suppose it IS too late to take back that sharing…

And the truth is: he has taken off for a week to go rafting up north — and those old abandonment issues of mine are re-surfacing. Oh, the joy.

I decided to post this because I realized that for most of us, as single parents, it’s rare to tell someone outside your family that you love him/her.

I don’t think that I’m alone here?


MC May 15, 2009 at 1:29 pm

That is so sweet & awesome! Are you sure you want to share private to read


Susan May 15, 2009 at 11:12 am

That’s awesome, Rachel. Only a few weeks after we started dating J. told me he thought he was falling in love with me. I felt the same way, but just stared at him. Not a great response, but I was afraid to say anything out loud! We laugh about it now. My brain knew it was way too early to be talking that way, but, you know what? That’s exactly how we felt.

And I got to tell him “I love you” last night almost a year later, so there you go. Sometimes it really does work out, so hang on to your fear and go with what you feel. There can be no regrets in that, regardless what happens next.

Susan´s last blog post…Best Intentions


GLSD May 15, 2009 at 10:29 am

Congrats Rachel! Wishing you all the happiness you deserve and then some! Have a great weekend!


QTMama May 15, 2009 at 9:29 am



I’m just … happy for you Rachel. Really happy. 🙂

QTMama´s last blog post…Ghosts, Power and Sex Toys


Mike May 15, 2009 at 8:59 am

Woohoo you go girl. The two women I dated for about 4 months I both said I love you to. Didn’t get it back and I’m okay with that since people move at different speeds. About a month after I said it though they ended it.

Mike´s last blog post…Feel the Wrath of My Fuzzy Slipper


T May 15, 2009 at 8:48 am

First of all, I love a man who loves prosciutto. Yummm….

Yeah, the last time was with Soldier. I couldn’t hold it in any longer. He didn’t even blink but held my stare and said “I love you too honey.”

We were both a weeping mess too. He was sad about his upcoming deployment and I wanted to hold his heart away for him so that it couldn’t ever be broken again…

Then, oh well. He didn’t trust me with it apparently. And that’s all water under the bridge.

I look forward to saying those words again. The outcome doesn’t really matter. Saying those words feels really good when you both mean it in that moment.

That’s what really matters.

T´s last blog post…Skin


Amy May 15, 2009 at 8:22 am

Rachel, this is so beautiful. Yes, it is totally scary, but in your case the timing seems so right. In two of my post-marriage relationships (the ones with seemingly the most promise), the L word was said WAY too early–by the man first, in bed, when it was clearly an endorphin reaction rather than something “earned” over time and getting to know each other more deeply. In each case, things blew up in our faces sooner or later. 🙁

Amy´s last blog post…love (two takes)


Canadian Bald Guy May 15, 2009 at 8:12 am

The last time I said those words, the world seemed to stop for just a few minutes before rotation began again. Truly an incredible moment that I wish I could get back.

I’m very happy for you Rachel. That’s great to hear. 🙂


Katherine SOLOdotmom May 15, 2009 at 7:58 am

Wow!!! How awesome for you!!!!
Yeah, I will not forget the night a month or two after we started dating, when Mr. M. was sitting on my couch; my kids were in bed and we were talking or gazing more like it at each other’s eyes and he said…
“What am I going to do?” About what? I said…”About falling in love with you.” I just sat there…. for a few minutes… tears building up in my eyes… and I said ..”Yeah I am falling in love with you too.”

Katherine SOLOdotmom´s last blog post…Love = Not keeping Score


gail May 15, 2009 at 7:11 am

Rachel!!! I’m so happy for you!!! Would love to chat with you… this is so wonderful!


MindyMom May 15, 2009 at 7:04 am

Wow, I’m so happy for you!

It’s been a long time since I told a man I loved him – about 4 1/2 years. I’ve been in one LTR since then but I just couldn’t bring myself to say those three words.


MindyMom´s last blog post…Flashback Friday


The Exception May 15, 2009 at 5:59 am

It is wonderful that you were ready to give him and you that!! I am not one who is nervous saying “I love you” because I have no expectations… the feeling is what it is – unconditional and without promises or anything more than… love – which is everything in a sense.

It is once expectations come into the picture that things become more challenging. Love doesn’t ask anything…Enjoy the new stage of your relationship!


Kevin May 15, 2009 at 5:27 am

Wow. That is sooo romantic, storybook ending (hopefully just the beginning). Hmm. last time I told someone I loved them was my kid’s mother back in early 2008.


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