Safe sex

by singlemomseeking on May 12, 2009

Today, Love Babz interviewed our very own Dr. Leah on LoveTalk radio about having sex again as a single mom.

“I’m dating,” said Love Babz, a 46-year-old divorced mom. Then she quickly added, however: “But I haven’t had sex yet!”

During the juicy interview, Dr. Leah encouraged all women to carry your own condoms. In other words, straight from the mouth of The Sanity Fairy: “Safe sex is something that smart girls do!”

“But it’s overwhelming to go to CVS and look down that aisle,” Love Babz added, referring to the condom aisle.

LoveBabz doesn’t know this yet, but I’m sending her a whole bunch of condoms in the mail (which come in this flashy tin, below).

Now that I’m moving, I’ve got to unload some of the 100s of condoms I have in my closet. (Who else would like some? Let me know.)

After all, I’m no longer using condoms with my guy (who loves to joke around that he was still a virgin when I met him.)

Editor’s note: Judy just pointed out that I must add this minor detail about birth control: I’ve been on the Pill for years.


So, when does the sex become safe sex?

It was QT Mama who recently posted this question on her blog:

“I’ve read many a blog posting regarding the use of condoms, having safe sex, what kind of condoms are your favorite, safe oral sex, etc. Hell, I even won a package of condoms from Single Mom Seeking in response to a post she did on this very topic! They were even mailed to me in a discreet envelope…”

QT Mama goes on to explain that she was with the same man for 12 years — 10 married, and two dating/engaged. After moving on post-divorce, “dating wasn’t really the issue,” she adds. “It was the whole sex thing.  I am a bit of an old-fashioned girl, I admit.”

“So if I find that in a man, and I like that man for who he is, and it actually gets to the stage of us having sex, and then let’s just say we make the decision that it’s ONLY us having sex, and BAM, I’m in a relationship? My question becomes … When does the safe sex become the safe sex?”


That’s a very good question, QT Mama.

Let’s be real: safe sex means using condoms.

Of course, things can get dicey when you venture into oral sex (how many of you are really use dental dams?)

But what if you’ve been dating someone exclusively for months? What if you’ve had the monogamous talk, and you trust each other? What then?

For me, having safe sex is very straightforward. It begins with both of you getting tested for everything under the sun, starting with HIV, chlamydia, and gonorrhea.

Getting tested together is a real bonding experience (I’m serious). But thanks to insurance restrictions with labs, it can be challenging to plan this doctor’s visit together. Of course, you can always go to a public clinic together.

Personally, I’ve skipped syphilis screening, which is recommended for pregnant women and certain high risk groups such as prison inmates. But recently, I got the Human Papilloma Virus/HPV test for my first time.

So, let’s help out QT Mama and LoveBabz here:

If you’re dating, do you always carry condoms on you, so that you’re prepared? (I’d love to hear from men and women on this one.)

If you’re in an monogamous relationship, what did you to take the next step to “become the safe sex?”

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{ 8 comments… read them below or add one }

bad mummy May 30, 2009 at 6:49 pm

Rachel, thought you’d appreciate this article:

bad mummy´s last blog post…Grace in Small Things


NappyKitchen May 25, 2009 at 10:17 am

Wow! Such honesty and courage in this post!

Janet said: “If you send me some free condoms, do you think the stars will align and I’ll find someone to use them with?”

Hahahahahaha. Agreed! I’ve been on a long abstinence kick, but sheesh is it getting boring!

BTW, this is a very informative site.

NappyKitchen´s last blog post…Let me Direct your Attention


Gabi May 19, 2009 at 11:32 am

Oh yes….and just so ya know! I have to agree about the Vasectomy thing too!!! OMG! Nothing sexier on a man then NO SPERM!!!

Gabi (aka Fertile Myrtle)


gabi May 19, 2009 at 11:31 am

OMG!! This convo was really great to read. I am one of those idiots who has not always used a condom…in my defense…I married young and have had VERY few partners. Once my ex started cheating I got tested….and tested again 6 months later. Then I decided that I love sex…plain and simple and I just needed to get back on the horse and use condoms this time….PERIOD! I will not be having sex without a condom…but I have to say I have NEVER bought condoms. Never really even considered it…not sure why not. I guess I just figured if he didn’t have one…too bad so sad! I’m a dork about it I guess….wow! Guess I should really get back up on the times and get a stash huh?


Sarah May 18, 2009 at 4:14 pm

Oh, you are so hot! Hey – I feel shy in the drug store when I’m buying makeup and lotion and office supplies – everything feels so personal when there’s someone behind you in line. I go shopping mainly to read the magazines, and get frustrated if there isn’t a long line to wait in so I can do it without feeling TOO embarrassed, but usually end up reading off to the side (way off to the side) and feeling humiliated every time someone asks me if I’m “in line.” I’m the kind of woman, though, who likes to wave things like condoms around – sort of a chip-on-my-shoulder feminist thing – if I’m in line for real. I guess embarrassment is a sort of a thrill. Go figure. Thanks for the boyfriend/blog advice – that’s actually really, really huge. I remember hearing Taylor Swift talk about putting her men into her songs and saying that’s just the way it was – and if they were stupid enough to treat her badly – they’d know it would show up in a #1 tune…thanks, Sarah


walt May 16, 2009 at 9:29 pm

I really don’t get the negativity expressed by a lot of guys about a vasectomy, including apparently a few who have commented here. This takes 15 minutes, no pain, and zero risk of interference with sexual function. If you know you’re done having kids, why is not a no-brainer?


singlemomseeking May 16, 2009 at 9:43 pm

Walt: 15 minutes? No pain? Seriously? Wow.

Dare I point out that ONLY women have accepted the free condom offer? Interesting.

They’re going out on Monday….


Divorced Lifestyle May 14, 2009 at 4:26 pm

Mine expired last month too! Would love some fresh condoms in the hopes of actually using them!

Divorced Lifestyle´s last blog post…Verizon Discount


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