“I’m dating,” said Love Babz, a 46-year-old divorced mom. Then she quickly added, however: “But I haven’t had sex yet!”
“But it’s overwhelming to go to CVS and look down that aisle,” Love Babz added, referring to the condom aisle.
After all, I’m no longer using condoms with my guy (who loves to joke around that he was still a virgin when I met him.)
Editor’s note: Judy just pointed out that I must add this minor detail about birth control: I’ve been on the Pill for years.
So, when does the sex become safe sex?
“I’ve read many a blog posting regarding the use of condoms, having safe sex, what kind of condoms are your favorite, safe oral sex, etc. Hell, I even won a package of condoms from Single Mom Seeking in response to a post she did on this very topic! They were even mailed to me in a discreet envelope…”
QT Mama goes on to explain that she was with the same man for 12 years — 10 married, and two dating/engaged. After moving on post-divorce, “dating wasn’t really the issue,” she adds. “It was the whole sex thing. I am a bit of an old-fashioned girl, I admit.”
“So if I find that in a man, and I like that man for who he is, and it actually gets to the stage of us having sex, and then let’s just say we make the decision that it’s ONLY us having sex, and BAM, I’m in a relationship? My question becomes … When does the safe sex become the safe sex?”
That’s a very good question, QT Mama.
Let’s be real: safe sex means using condoms.
Of course, things can get dicey when you venture into oral sex (how many of you are really use dental dams?)
But what if you’ve been dating someone exclusively for months? What if you’ve had the monogamous talk, and you trust each other? What then?
For me, having safe sex is very straightforward. It begins with both of you getting tested for everything under the sun, starting with HIV, chlamydia, and gonorrhea.
Getting tested together is a real bonding experience (I’m serious). But thanks to insurance restrictions with labs, it can be challenging to plan this doctor’s visit together. Of course, you can always go to a public clinic together.
Personally, I’ve skipped syphilis screening, which is recommended for pregnant women and certain high risk groups such as prison inmates. But recently, I got the Human Papilloma Virus/HPV test for my first time.
So, let’s help out QT Mama and LoveBabz here:
If you’re dating, do you always carry condoms on you, so that you’re prepared? (I’d love to hear from men and women on this one.)
If you’re in an monogamous relationship, what did you to take the next step to “become the safe sex?”
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