Our first fight

by singlemomseeking on May 31, 2009


It all started with Facebook.

For the record, Chris and I have had our share of misunderstandings in the past few months, which we’ve worked through quickly. But this last one has done a number on us — and I could really use your feedback.

Here’s what happened:

Soon after our first date, he and I became Facebook friends. We both use Facebook to stay in touch with friends and co-workers, although I’m clearly the social media addict. (He likes to tell his friends, “Can we please log into life now?”)

We’ve joked around about changing our Facebook status to “in a relationship.” He even teased me about changing his profile photo to a lovey-dovey shot of us. But no one made a move.

The other evening, however, we were sitting side-by-side with our laptops — both of us were on Facebook — when I said:

“Hey, sweetheart, why don’t we go for it right now and say that we’re ‘In a relationship’?”

I expected to hear: “Yeah, baby!”

Instead, he said nothing. When I looked over at him, he was clearly nervous.

Me: “What’s wrong?”

Him: “You know that I’m very private.”

Me: “Yes?”

Him: “I feel protective of you — and us. Our relationship isn’t something that I want to share with everyone — like people at work.”

Me: “Why not?”

Him: “I’m in a relationship with you. I’ve loved introducing you to my family and friends. Why does it matter if we’re in a relationship online?”

Me: “Because it matters to me.”

After being single for a long time, it seemed symbolic to change our relationship status online (are you with me here?). Okay, it sounds a little ridiculous because the truth is: he shows me every day that he wants to be in a relationship with me.

So why do I care if we’re “out” on Facebook?

Because I DO. It was a recent comment from Love Coach Rinatta on my blog, however, that made me realize what was really bothering me:

This is not about Facebook.

Love is sometimes like a salve that brings out all the yuck from the past that needs healing,” Coach Rinatta commented last week on my blog.

Some of my most intimate relationships have revolved around secrets. I’ve often kept secrets, which were mixed up with mystery and excitement. By not revealing our relationship status online, I felt like LG was keeping me a secret. (Of course, he’s not. He’s just a private guy.)

I’d love to hear your take on this one because — after talking to both male and female friends — I hear two opinions:

1. Those who tell me to let it go because Facebook is just a silly, virtual world in which your relationship status is not real.

2. Those who acknowledge my feelings and say that Facebook is a reflection of who we are. So, if you’re in a relationship, why not just come out and say it?

So, where are YOU on this one?

P.S. Talk about rubbing salt into the wound: while writing this post, I got a Facebook alert that Canadian Bald Guy “is in a relationship with” Momma Sunshine. We know where they stand, don’t we?

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{ 2 comments… read them below or add one }

Solo-Dad January 2, 2010 at 10:38 am

It seems to me there is a compromise that satisfies the way both of you feel. One of the commenters above mentioned they’d (the couple) changed their status to ‘In a Relationship’ and didn’t link to the other.

This way, trust is established by owning up to the relationship in front of everyone and their FB-brothers/sisters and the anonymity LG needs is protected.

Here’s my question: Why the hell wouldn’t he want everyone to know he’s in a relationship with you? If it were me, I’d have shouted it from the rooftop.
.-= Solo-Dad´s last blog ..Solo-Dad & Newton’s Apple =-.


The Glamorous WAHM December 27, 2009 at 9:06 am

Hmm…I am late as well but, I think that if it matters that much to you, why would he not do it? However, my husband has his status as married on facebook but, has no pics of us anywhere on his facebook. So who am I to give advice? =)
.-= The Glamorous WAHM´s last blog ..Glamorous From The Inside Out =-.


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