Now that you have a boyfriend

by singlemomseeking on May 7, 2009

This post is for a reader named Molly who commented yesterday:

“I miss your posts about your personal life. Now that you have a boyfriend you’re all secretive and sh@*!”

Me? Secretive?

I’m not sure if any of you have read that poem “A Secret Life,” by Stephen Dunn?

My favorite part goes like this:

“When you write late at night
it’s like a small fire
in a clearing, it’s what
radiates and what can hurt
if you get too close to it.
It’s why your silence is a kind of truth.
Even when you speak to your best friend,
the one who’ll never betray you,
you always leave out one thing;
a secret life is that important.”

So, dear Molly, it’s close to midnight, and here are some random details from my secret life:

The first text that Lucky Guy sent to me after our first date — we had lunch at a tapas restaurant — said:

“Time seems to just slip away when I’m with you.”

Amazingly, time continues to “just slip away.” Within two weeks after that first lunch, he was bringing me warm lattes in the afternoon. Then, he was calling me a “hot chick” in spinning class.

Before you knew it, the electrical plug on my vacuum cleaner broke (tragic, right?), and he said, “I’ll fix it.”

A few hours later, it was fixed. Indeed, he’s also responsible for putting a lock on my bedroom door, which included welding and making a key.

We share long hugs without letting go and and cook dinner together sometimes (recently: salmon, salad, brown rice, wine). But most of all, we crack each other up, talk for hours — and are learning how to trust each other.


So, what’s the problem, you wonder?

It’s simple: I’m tired.

Between my spirited nine-year-old darling, work, deadlines, school lunches, dishes in the sink, bills, house hunting, and this man whom I’m falling hard for… I’m spent.

How do you balance it all? I’m trying to be true to myself, and to ask for what I need: mother-daughter quality time, the space to work, healthy meals, exercise, sleep. Of course, I’m enjoying it all! But dang, this mama is exhausted.

If you have any advice at all, I’m all ears. In the meantime, I’m off to bed. Sweet dreams.

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{ 4 comments… read them below or add one }

Kieran May 11, 2009 at 10:45 am

Hi Rachel,

As I first time reader of your Blog I would just like to say it’s absolutely fab! 🙂

I was just having a good look around your Blog and some of your articles. Great stuff and I like your writing style and technique.

It’s very real and I can see why it reaches out and touches people.

Keep up the great work and goodluck with your man 🙂


Kieran´s last blog post…The Good Dating Attitude – Learn from Mr Johnny Depp


molly May 9, 2009 at 1:13 pm

I was just being bratty– of course you have a right to a private life. I’m happy for you that you are getting “busy”. I’m a single mom too, and dating is exhilarating and exhausting at the same time. I have a passionate nature and I have not learned yet how to pace myself when it comes to men. My relationships so far post divorce have been short-lived so I just get my rest in between affairs. BTW, last one was with a Scorpio, one word, HOT!
Have fun out there, and thanks for satisfying my nosiness!


MC May 9, 2009 at 3:56 am

YEs! Everyone, even single moms need time to themselves! Although I do tend to ignore this too often.


T May 8, 2009 at 11:22 pm

I’m with Lance. I double dare you.


T´s last blog post…Watch this


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