This post is for a reader named Molly who commented yesterday:
“I miss your posts about your personal life. Now that you have a boyfriend you’re all secretive and sh@*!”
I’m not sure if any of you have read that poem “A Secret Life,” by Stephen Dunn?
My favorite part goes like this:
“When you write late at night
it’s like a small fire
in a clearing, it’s what
radiates and what can hurt
if you get too close to it.
It’s why your silence is a kind of truth.
Even when you speak to your best friend,
the one who’ll never betray you,
you always leave out one thing;
a secret life is that important.”
So, dear Molly, it’s close to midnight, and here are some random details from my secret life:
The first text that Lucky Guy sent to me after our first date — we had lunch at a tapas restaurant — said:
“Time seems to just slip away when I’m with you.”
Amazingly, time continues to “just slip away.” Within two weeks after that first lunch, he was bringing me warm lattes in the afternoon. Then, he was calling me a “hot chick” in spinning class.
Before you knew it, the electrical plug on my vacuum cleaner broke (tragic, right?), and he said, “I’ll fix it.”
A few hours later, it was fixed. Indeed, he’s also responsible for putting a lock on my bedroom door, which included welding and making a key.
We share long hugs without letting go and and cook dinner together sometimes (recently: salmon, salad, brown rice, wine). But most of all, we crack each other up, talk for hours — and are learning how to trust each other.
So, what’s the problem, you wonder?
It’s simple: I’m tired.
Between my spirited nine-year-old darling, work, deadlines, school lunches, dishes in the sink, bills, house hunting, and this man whom I’m falling hard for… I’m spent.
How do you balance it all? I’m trying to be true to myself, and to ask for what I need: mother-daughter quality time, the space to work, healthy meals, exercise, sleep. Of course, I’m enjoying it all! But dang, this mama is exhausted.
If you have any advice at all, I’m all ears. In the meantime, I’m off to bed. Sweet dreams.
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