Disappointed in California

by singlemomseeking on May 27, 2009

Warning: If you’re not in the mood for politics, please skip this post.

When I picked M up at school yesterday, I shared this exciting news with her:

President Barack Obama has selected an amazingly sharp, experienced, and genuine woman — Sonia Sotomayor — as the newest Supreme Court nominee.

Of course, I also told M that Sonia was raised by a single mother! (And I added that she’ll be the first Hispanic and third woman to sit on the bench in America’s highest court.)

Unfortunately, I also shared this disappointing update with M:

The California Supreme Court has upheld Proposition 8, the controversial voter-approved ban on same sex marriage. M knows all about Prop. 8, sicne politics have been a big theme in school and at home this year.

Here in the Bay Area, we are friends with many same-sex parents. Our kids play together, we share meals together, laugh, and talk. In November, after the ban on same-sex marriage barely passed in California — by a margin of 52.5 percent to 47.5 percent — our neighborhood came out in protest.

I realize that some of you might disagree with me. And many of you live in conservative states.

This writer at MomLogic really sums it up well today:

“All the effort that is put into hate-mongering and delivering the same speech about ‘marriage is between a man and a woman’ is really a moot point, since in the long run, other people’s marriages will never affect anyone besides the two people getting married.”

“Why is that so hard to understand? I have yet to see a valid argument as to why someone else’s marriage will lead to the downfall of shiny, happy families across the land…..”

(By the way, although Sonia Sotomayer has not ruled on any cases involving gay civil rights, gay legal activists have described her positively.)

In the meantime, I’ve just signed up to receive this free sticker from CREDO Action in support of gay marriage.



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{ 29 comments… read them below or add one }

Just a reader May 28, 2009 at 11:24 pm

Considering the current trend in divorce rates, perhaps the best thing is to just outlaw marriage altogether regardless of sexual orientation.

One thing I do wonder about and can envision in the future is gay men fighting for the legal designation of “mother” in divorce custody cases.


Legal Editor Mom May 28, 2009 at 2:25 pm

@Jim/Depot Dad,I never said Rachel was “wrong” to post about prop 8, I was just a bit surprised by her reaction since she’s never really been so charged up (that I know of) or concerned with marriage in opposite sex couples, including partnerships she’s had herself. But I can understand feeling strongly about a particular subject, especially if people’s rights are deemed as being violated. If you knew me, you’d know that I’m a fighter and won’t hesitate to lobby against an issue if I think it’s wrong. I also pick & choose my battles…

I know quite a few gay people myself but interestingly none of them are upset or disappointed about this decision. They love who they love and married or not, they are together (often longer than hetero couples I might add). I was just poking fun at Rachel (and she’s used to it from me) because it was an usual day of topics for me, is all…


GLSD May 28, 2009 at 12:35 pm

Amen! Let everyone love and be happy with who they choose to marry. Let everyone enjoy the same rights!


lovebabz May 28, 2009 at 11:19 am

Yes Prop 8 won through a democratic process…as did slavery, as did Jim Crow. Government is at its best when it acts in way that perhaps it citezentry does not. Prop 8 was about fear and hate and injustice.

If I enjoy certain rights…shouldn’t everyone?

I say the fight continues for equality for all.


diannarae May 28, 2009 at 8:38 am

This impacts everyone. On a note not being addressed here, I pay more taxes then the avg person and yet don’t get the same benefits for me or my family. (I get to pay even more $$ to lawyers to protect my family.) I employ and pay employer taxes for 100+ people to get more benefits than i do. So, some are actually benefiting from the money i contribute and others that are gay aren’t. Something isn’t right here…

diannarae´s last blog post…Day of Decision: Join us 10 AM SF Courthouse Prop8


MC May 28, 2009 at 8:15 am

This reminds me of the flap over “inter-racial” marriage in the 50’s and 60’s.

20 yrs from now I guarantee that gay people will be able to legally marry anywhere in the Western World (including the US) and everyone will look back at the 00’s and California and just cringe!

Gay marriage–it’s here to stay! The legal system will just take a while to catch up, but catch up it will.

And yay for Sotomayer’s nomination! Although similar to my feelings about Obama’s nomination and election, it is stupefying to realize that we have never had a Hispanic on the Supreme Court before. Embarrasing that it took so long.


Single Mom Paying Off Debt May 28, 2009 at 6:31 am

I am so surprised that California is one of the states that does not recognize same-sex marriage, yet Iowa (of all places) allows it.

At the end of the day, my life is not directly affected by my neighbors right to marry, even if they are both males (or females). Why is it such a concern to those who are not affected by it? Same sex couples need the same rights and liberties that are afforded to opposite marriages(a la Prejean). One day in the future (hopefully soon) all Americans will have the right to marry whomever they want. As long as it is a loving union, isn’t that all that matters?

Single Mom Paying Off Debt´s last blog post…Extra $1250 to pay towards debt !!!


Jim Everson (Depot Dad) May 28, 2009 at 6:06 am

I’ve said it before, but I’ll say it here again. Gays and lesbians have as much right to bitterness and disappointment as any straight couple. I don’t know why California is denying them that right.

And Legal Editor Mom, I think SMS is right to bring this issue up. Everyone should take an active interest in civil rights, particularly when they see abuses, and not just get involved with issues that effect them directly. I think you would agree if it were your civil rights being abused, even though it might not effect the majority of the population. You would want a majority of the population to do something about it.

Jim Everson (Depot Dad)´s last blog post…Sometimes One Inch Is Enough


expatsinglemama May 27, 2009 at 8:34 pm

Not to get too esoteric, but Prop 8 is classic Tyranny of the Majority and one of the few flaws of Democracy (see http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Tyranny_of_the_majority) It’ll work itself out but sucks in the meantime.

I used to work for the U.S. Foreign Service in embassies and Consulates abroad, and the big news amongst American diplomats this week is that Secretary Clinton finally extended equal protections to same sex partners of U.S. diplomats. This is especially huge wrt diplomats serving in dangerous locations–under the old rules, in a crisis situation, the employee would get evacuated while the partner would get left behind.


expatsinglemama´s last blog post…Handy Manny is such a poser


NappyKitchen May 27, 2009 at 6:15 pm

I thought the California-Iowa thing was pretty ironic, too. Like Kendall, I was born and raised in a very conservative state. I won’t get into my personal opinion about Prop 8, but like Phil, I think that one day it will pass in California.

Anywho, I would like to congratulate Sonia Sotomayor on her nomination.

NappyKitchen´s last blog post…Blog Appearance


SingleParentPlus2 May 27, 2009 at 5:49 pm

I agree that this prop is a colossal waste of time. We live in a republic founded on principles that all men and women are created equal. That pretty much sums it up for me. When government intervenes in it’s citizens personal lives it is a violation of the founding principles of our country. Two consenting adults should have the same rights as everyone else.

SingleParentPlus2´s last blog post…Turn off the Television and turn on your life


Phil May 27, 2009 at 5:03 pm

I think my point was misunderstood… you need to be careful when you want the courts to overturn laws, because next time they will be acting against you.

There will be another prop vote for gay marriage in a few years and then it will pass. It’s a shame that Prop 8 failed because it is discrimination (which is not an American value as Frank says), but as we all know here, marriage isn’t the secret to happiness in life.


Amy May 27, 2009 at 4:02 pm

If people have ever known a gay person that they loved… My brother is – came out in 2000 when he was 23 years old …they’d realize that this argument is ridiculous and that same sex couples should be allowed to marry.

Ironically – my brother isn’t for gay marriage. He doesn’t feel he deserves that privilege because this wacked out world we live in has done a damn good job of convincing him that he is sick and something is wrong with him. Nice, huh?

Amy´s last blog post…Journal 127: April 2009 LA Women


Legal Editor Mom May 27, 2009 at 3:41 pm

Rachel I’m over here cracking up that this issue has you so worked up when it doesn’t affect you personally, while I have a friend who’s upset that the media is highlighting the fact that Sonia Satomayor is a woman and a Latina! They should! It’s newsworthy! And an awesome pick; NOT because of her gender and race, but because she’s uniquely qualified and otherwise wouldn’t have stood a chance under the GOP regime.

Anyway, I think this is ludicrous in CA of all states, and I’m loving the irony about Iowa. It’s all over the news here…


MindyMom May 27, 2009 at 2:58 pm

I too, am amazed that a gay couple can marry in Iowa but not in CA. And why these people care who marries who – especially people they don’t even know – is beyond me. Live and let live.

MindyMom´s last blog post…Life Goes On


Kendall May 27, 2009 at 2:54 pm

I was born and raised in North Carolina, one of the most conservative states in the country. You know my view on Prop 8.

Disappointment, I’m feeling it.

Kendall´s last blog post…When Your Own Words Fail You


T May 27, 2009 at 2:37 pm

Can I embed it here:

T´s last blog post…Pushing through Panic


Kari May 27, 2009 at 2:36 pm

All I can say to the post and your most recent comment “Let people love — off the ballots — so that we can take the time and energy to focus on education and our kids.” is Amen!! Afreakin’men!!!

Kari´s last blog post…Taking a break


T May 27, 2009 at 2:36 pm

Have you seen this:


One of my favorite videos about this.

T´s last blog post…Pushing through Panic


Liara Covert May 27, 2009 at 2:24 pm

Found your blog through The Exception blog. The issue you raise here is a sensitive one for some people. The recent Hollywood film, Milk is worth seeing. As human beings open consciousness, they recognize only 2 perspective exist; love and fear. Moving to deeper self-aceptance will bring more acceptance of fellow human beings and creatures of all kinds. I write about self-esteem and self-worth today. As people learn to value themselves, they value others. When they do not value others, this reflects they do not yet love and cherish themselves.

Liara Covert´s last blog post…Dale Beaumont & interview to inspire dreams


frank May 27, 2009 at 2:18 pm

Laws are NOT to be made from the bench in this country. It’s a democracy, meaning that laws are made by the voice of the people. Way to go California for holding up our true American values and actually listening when people vote!!!


singlemomseeking May 27, 2009 at 2:28 pm

Well, Frank, we certainly see what your values are…


Honey May 27, 2009 at 2:10 pm

@ Phil – I don’t think SMS said that she didn’t agree with the democratic process…she said that she feels sad that this is what people obsess about: things that don’t affect them, when (as you say) there are SO MANY MORE things that do.

Honey´s last blog post…Vegas Memorial Weekend Sextacular: Preview


Honey May 27, 2009 at 2:08 pm
Phil May 27, 2009 at 2:04 pm

While I don’t agree wtih Prop 8, it did pass with the proper democratic process. You can’t say you only support democracy when you agree with the result… the court didn’t have a right to overturn it.

Where’s the outrage in the cuts to education? That will affect you and M much more directly! I don’t think most Californians realize how bad of an educational system they are in. It will be the worst funded in the country and the US is only average when ranked world wide.


singlemomseeking May 27, 2009 at 2:27 pm

@Phil, that’s my point, exactly: why are we so concerned about who is pairing up ?

Why, as Honey says (thanks!), are we so obsessed about who is marrying whom?

Let people love — off the ballots — so that we can take the time and energy to focus on education and our kids.


Sandra May 27, 2009 at 2:04 pm

I live here in the SF Bay Area. For sure, I thought the justices would allow gay marriage.

I guess we will just have to wait until this goes to the CA Supreme Court AGAIN and the justices give a different answer.

Sandra´s last blog post…Family


April May 27, 2009 at 1:41 pm

As a CA resident, I still can’t get over the fact that a gay couple can marry in IOWA, and not here. Anymore.
Totally with you on this!

April´s last blog post…Kitchen bonding


Mike May 27, 2009 at 1:19 pm

I remember like 10 years ago when I was in San Diego they had a vote then for same sex marriage. It failed which completely surprised me for Cali. I was just as stunned yesterday when I heard it happen again.


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