To my Jewish readers, I hope your first night of Passover was enlightening and filled with love.
For the non-Jews, allow me to explain:
Passover refers to the Jews’ Exodus from Egypt. During the Ten Plagues of Egypt, allegedly God “passed over” the houses of the Israelites. While I’m not a traditional, by-the-book Jew, I’m definitely a cultural Jew.
And I can’t help but notice the irony: during Passover, here I am, letting the stress “pass over” as I search for a new home, pack our boxes, and move on. But in the midst of this chaos, there is something good: amour.
I’ve told my friends and family that I’ve met someone — and without fail, their first question is:
“Is he Jewish?”
Uh, no.
Technically, he’s Catholic (sorry, Grandma Frances, although I’m sure my Catholic Grandma Ruth would be thrilled!). He’s not observant, however. He doesn’t go to church. [Editorial update: after posting this, we had a brief "Do you believe in God?" talk. We're both atheists. Whew.]
I’ve been asked so many times if he’s Jewish that it has become an inside joke.
“You can call me Isaac,” he tells me.
Well, so much for all of those months I spent on JDate. It figures, doesn’t it?
So, there you have it: I’m with a non-Jew.
Are you surprised? After all, I’ve written a slue of posts about hoping to find a Jewish man. I got kind of obsessed about it at one point, and even devoted a whole chapter in my book to JDate.
Which brings me to this:
How important does religion factor into your love life? Does it matter at all?
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Organized religion has been one of the most divisive and pain-inflicting agents in the history of mankind. If two people of different faiths fall in love, their relationship can flourish as long as they both view their religions as man-made attempts to explain the mystery of our human condition, not the literal and immutable word of the Almighty. What counts is viewing one another as vulnerable human beings in need of tenderness and understanding. This is how the two main characters of my novel, “Getting Enough,” manage to solve the problems of an acrimonious relationship and move towards a loving reconciliation. For more information, please access this website: http://www.strategicbookpublishing.com/GettingEnough.html.
All the best
Leonard
Rachel, I believe when we “know” we are heading towards couple-dom, it is better to get a feel of the big questions as these are the foundation and the genetic make-up of that person. The rest are just fillers and may change although having said this, the definition of what a big question is differs from everyone else. To me the big questions look something like this: faith, values, sex (I am a firm believer in monogomy), gender equality. I am also glad to share with you guys that my fiance also shares these very same outlook. Life is difficult as it is. In my previous marriage and relationships (and Ive dated quite a few outside of my faith), I realized that you need to find common “rocks” or to make living easier.
Hanie´s last blog post…What Consultants Do – The Chicken Joke
I posted earlier about breaking up with a man just recently over this issue. We’ve only been going out for about 6 weeks (and it’s been fairly casual, at that). It seemed strange to him that I was breaking things off just as they were getting started, but I’d rather nip it in the bud if I know it can’t go anywhere than date a year or so and then have the conversation where we realize we’re spiritually incompatible. It’s harder to break it off, then. I’m a busy woman, I don’t like to waste my time!
So, while I realize that it seems silly to be talking about baptizing a baby you might have with a man you just met… aren’t you glad you know he’s okay with skipping it? Wouldn’t it be more awkward if you dated for 6 months and then found out it was something really important to him?
@Kari: I guess “Isaac” and I are in the minority then…
Rachel,
I don’t think it is ever too early to ask the questions.
Now the downside. Sometimes you ask the questions, many questions. The answers all jive and you know you’ve found someone who has core beliefs that are similar to yours. You go on like that for years. Then one day, one of you wake up and change your mind.
Okay – I’m being grim…now I’m headed back to my cave to sulk.
Amy´s last blog post…Journal 126: March 2009 A Long Day
I know a Catholic married to a Jew. One child in his mid 20′s on his own, one in college, one in high school and they gave a great relationship (and the best holiday situation you could hope for).
My single mom’s religious belief is almost as diametrically opposite mine as I could find. We respect each other’s right to have whatever belief we want. We don’t try to convert each other and are free to practice whatever faith we want. (I don’t complain about her dancing naked around an oak tree each full moon. She doesn’t condemn my sacrificing a virgin on the eve of each new season). But she has turned me into a vegetarian and she’s now a carnivore.
So obviously, while a shared religion can be nice, I think there are more important things than a shared religion. (disclaimer: this oppinion may not be shared by all, or any, of my friends or family members)
Rachel – I didn’t mean to suggest that it’s too early to talk about whether you want to have (more) kids or what your spiritual/religious beliefs are. That’s basic second date conversation. I was just suggesting that it might be a little early to be worrying about every nuance of how your spiritual and cultural lives might line up in the future (and are there really guys out there who would date a jewish woman and then refuse to celebrate Passover?). You’re already way ahead of the game in discovering that you’re both atheists, as I believe only something like 7% of the U.S. population describes themselves that way (probably a bit higher in your area).
That’s fascinating! I work for a Jewish organization, but I’m not Jewish, I’m a Christian. It’s so hard to find a date with a Jewish girl that I’ve pretty much given up. And clearly, all the older ladies with nieces and daughters don’t want me dating them! Ha! I guess I’d be open to it, but just can’t figure out how to make it happen.
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