Rihanna, girls are watching you

by singlemomseeking on March 3, 2009

Rihanna

Update: Chris Brown has been charged with two felonies. Here’s the update.


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After the release of Rihanna’s hit “Umbrella,” my tween daughter became a big fan. Personally, I prefer her song “Disturbia” – it’s even part of my kick boxing soundtrack!

So, it shocked me when I heard that her boyfriend, Chris Brown, had assaulted her.

What shocked me even more was the fact that I got the news from M. She’d heard something about the charges from an older girl at school — and she’d asked me about it.

Fortunately, M hasn’t seen the photos of Rihanna’s face. More than anything, I want my daughter to have healthy, loving, caring relationships. Having women role models who emulate this is key.

Domestic violence is an issue close to my heart, and I know that women ages 16 to 24 are most vulnerable to experience a boyfriend becoming violent, according to the U.S. Department of Justice.

The fact that Rihanna recently reconciled with Chris Brown is very disturbing. That’s why, today at Singlemommyhood, Dr. Leah and I urge Rihanna to get some support.

Please read our plea to Rihanna here.

Photo of Rihanna from PRphotos.com

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{ 24 comments… read them below or add one }

Amy Sue Nathan March 4, 2009 at 5:55 am

Is 8 now considered tween? Oy! I thought it was 10-12! My daughter is 13, in 8th grade and I think of her more of a tween than a teen…although that’s changing more and more with the sarcasm and eye-rolling and make-up. I know it’s not what the post is about, but if 8′s the target for tween marketing, that’s as much as a cause for an uproar as Rihanna going back to Chris Brown, which is, as I’d put it, a *shanda* – which is Yiddish for a shame.

Amy Sue Nathan´s last blog post…Can a single mom fit in?

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John F March 4, 2009 at 6:08 am

OK this whole thing pisses me off. I have not read your plea, but Rhianna has a chance to make an impact here and she is just perpetuating the notion that women can be beat! This is bullshit. My dad told me when I was young, that no matter what, you NEVER hit a woman, and he threatened me. He is in his late 80s and I am still scared of him!

People ought to boycott Chris Brown’s records and make him this year’s Taylor Hicks (anyone remember him?). Rhianna needs to stand up and charge the bastard and let him rot in jail if that is what it comes to.

As for the photo–I might be inclined to show it to M. I think it sends a strong message that hey, if you get involved in an abusive relationship, this might be the result if it escalates. It could be a learning moment.

OK Rant over, heading to read your plea now!

John F´s last blog post…Antigua Price Buster

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John F March 4, 2009 at 6:09 am

Damn you Rachel—bad link to the plea

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Teresa March 4, 2009 at 6:59 am

As a mother and feminist, I find it so sad that she is reconciling with him. If she had decided to not press charges, I would roll my eyes and be (nearly) done with it, but returning to him? pretending it was some sort of misunderstanding? It horrifies me.
The power imbalance in relationships will continue full-force into the next generation when our daughters have role models who only feign self-respect and pride. There is no room for abuse of any sort in a true loving, egalitarian relationship and I keep hoping for a “superstar” role model to show young (and older) girls that you should never accept violence.

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MindyMom March 4, 2009 at 7:49 am

I heard that another statistic with domestic violence is (I think)that the women leave the relationship with an abuser an average of 6 times before they finally call it quits for good.

I know it can be difficult to leave an abusive reltionship but I hope she gets help, guidance and support until she does.

MindyMom´s last blog post…Finding Peace

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singlemomseeking March 4, 2009 at 8:10 am

Sorry John F! That’s what I get for posting super late, and not checking the link… It’s fixed.

And here it is: http://www.singlemommyhood.com/2009/03/rihanna-were-worried-about-you/

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T March 4, 2009 at 8:18 am

Rhianna is being a good role model. She is bringing this to the forefront so that the subject can be discussed with our children. She is giving us all the opportunity to explain that this is what our children should not do. She is allowing us the chance to discuss what a healthy relationship should look like. She is teaching us that we should take this time to explain to our children that physical violence is unacceptable behavior.

She is being a teacher to all of us.

T´s last blog post…Constant craving

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singlemomseeking March 4, 2009 at 10:36 am

T, I never quite thought about it from that angle… but time will tell. If she decided not to press charges, I really do fear for her. Dr. Leah just sent me a link on RadarOnline with photos of her blood in Chris Brown’s car, and the violence is impossible to ignore.

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Legal Editor Mom March 4, 2009 at 8:46 am

I agree with T, to a point. No matter what the outcome, there’s a lesson in every experience.

Rhianna is quite young, but hopefully she will wise up, before it’s too late.

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Katherine SOLOdotmom March 4, 2009 at 9:20 am

Yes this is a subject close to my heart as well. I think she needs some advice, I will have to check out your link. It is important to me that my daughter understands acceptable and unacceptable behavior from a partner in a relationship.

Katherine SOLOdotmom´s last blog post…Saturday Night Blog

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Apples March 4, 2009 at 9:54 am

i wrote a long reply last night.. err..

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Robyn March 4, 2009 at 10:14 am

True, there is a lesson to be learned, but is it the correct one? I have a tween who listens to the music of both artists, and the incident led to a very interesting conversation about what is acceptable in personal relationships; however, we are now discussing when is forgiving not enough. She is disturbed about them getting back together. She doesn’t understand. She even mentioned that being late for a date can be forgiven but not hitting somebody. I found her young wisdom amazing, but when does she learn that everything isn’t black or white, and people often demean themselves in the name of love? Is the media coverage going to influence her later on when she meets Mr. Not So Perfect? I want Rihanna to run and be as strong as the words she sings, and I hope one day my own daughter will also run far away from those who attempt to make her weak.

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singlemomseeking March 4, 2009 at 10:47 am

Robyn, thank you so much for this open, honest comment. We’ve had a similar discussion here, our home. We’ve decided not to listen to Chris Brown’s music. Your daughter sounds incredibly perceptive.

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Apples March 4, 2009 at 11:39 am

Okay it was late maybe I am loosing it but this is my take.

If she does go back to him I think we need to use this to explain to our daughters that “love” can make people do stupid things. That no matter what your heart says sometimes you need to do the hard thing which isn’t always follow your heart. It may seem confusing because sometimes people say follow your heart and in some instances that is right but in others it isn’t. Daughters need to know that even “just once” is NOT okay. It is super hard and many woman are blinded by love and fear and many women go back to men who hit them. Others never leave them and feel like its their fault and are ashamed to even tell anyone. I believe that going beyond just the typical “a man is never suppose to hit a woman.” statement might give her more strength in a situation like that God forbid she is ever in one. They need to know that no matter what happens they can always come to us.

We can also use this to talk to our sons also. I don’t normally follow Hollywood stories but I clicked on this one last week and saw some of the comments (what I am guessing) kids were leaving. They pretty much were saying things along the line of asking what did she do to “make” him beat her and spreading the rumors of what she did like it was a valid excuse. Are you kidding me! Beating a woman isn’t okay, ever! I don’t care what she did. And although I do believe instances of women abusing men are just as high just not as reported, I don’t see it as self defense to beat a woman into a bloody pulp.

Bottom line abuse on any side of the line or in any form is NOT okay PERIOD! That’s not a healthy relationship. That is not having respect or even love. Although I respect and understand that leaving an abusive relationship can be the down right hardest to do in the long run it IS for the best.

Now that I babbled long enough I guess I will stop here. Sorry its a book.

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wandamd March 4, 2009 at 1:31 pm

I do think that while its sad that her choices are painfuly clear to us who would perhaps have the cognition to “get out” it is her choice. Being judgemental towards her and him might have an opposite effect where she feels like she needs to “protect” him (that horrible cycle).

I think we should give our kids a little credit that they look down upon him and sadly at her…I know for me personally I can’t hear a song by him without thinking of what he did and immediately turn it off. I think our kids will feel the same.

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wandamd March 4, 2009 at 1:32 pm

PS: in the same vein I can’t listen to a song by her and not feel sorry for her rather than think of her as a strong and beautiful young woman that I used too.

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Erin March 4, 2009 at 2:03 pm

I was crestfallen to hear that they had reunited. I know it is not my place to judge others for their decisions, but I was really sad that she set the example for young women out there that it is OK to stay in abusive relationships. I feel like she could have made such an impact and took a stand against this type of violence. She deserves so much better, as does anyone who is in that type of situation. I know how long it took me to figure that out, and I hope she finds her way safely. So sad.

Erin´s last blog post…We live in a beautiful world

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Rosie Scribble March 4, 2009 at 2:25 pm

Hi! I found the news of the assault disturbing too. My daughter (aged 5) is a fan because I’ve forced her to listen to her music! Luckily she is too young to understand it. More worrying when you have older kids though.

As an aside, I love Disturbia but the video is very disturbing!

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Pat March 4, 2009 at 3:07 pm

You never quite know what is going on the the ‘battered’ woman’s head unless you have been there yourself..Rihanna and Chris Brown both need help and counseling, different help but help none the less.

Pat´s last blog post…Hit the road Jack.. Uh Pat!

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casualencounters.com/blog/ March 4, 2009 at 3:47 pm

Nobody else is asking this question, so I’m going to: is it possible that it was a one-time thing, a slip up, a rotten mistake? Do we really write this young, stupid guy off for the rest of his life for a single screwup?

Rihanna decided not to; it’s her decision to make, if it even turns out to be a poor one.

My mother used to say to me (about relationships) that no one else ever knows what goes on between two people. Whenever I’m in danger of jumping in on something like this and sounding off, the memory of that is what stops me.

casualencounters.com/blog/´s last blog post…How to Find Sex: the Art of the One Night Stand – Part 11 “Looking Ahead”

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Dr.Leah www.singlemommyhood.com March 5, 2009 at 6:16 am

casualencounters: The physical injury may be a first time thing, but, likely, the emotional abuse has been ongoing.

You obviously have a different perspective and one that many people unfamiliar with IPV share. Have you checked out our plea to Rihanna at singlemommyhood?

Dr.Leah http://www.singlemommyhood.com´s last blog post…Have you heard about the man who can’t even “buy” a date?

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Hanna March 5, 2009 at 10:01 am

I commented on Singlemommyhood too. I also wrote a whole scpheel on how your book affected and me in turn inspired me to write in your defense after the salon.com incident. Thanks for your courage.

Hanna´s last blog post…In defense

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keenkamsmom March 5, 2009 at 5:15 pm

It may have been a one time thing but I think I read somewhere that he grew up in an abusive environment. It’s up to him to get the help he needs and stop the cycle of abuse. I’m rather disappointed that Rihanna took him back.

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Jenn March 8, 2009 at 6:02 pm

I do not agree that Rihanna is being a good role model at all and that is for her to decide I guess.

If you have read the report and seen the pictures I think you know that this probably wasn’t a one time only screw up … there was a lot of rage there and while I know RIhanna is human like the rest of us and is going through the obvious almost predictable steps of a battered woman I find it so sad and a bit disturbing that she has not spoke out about this but I guess you can’t when you yourself don’t see anything wrong with it or can’t come to terms with it. I also think it is incredibly sad that Chris Brown hasn’t really dealt with the issue either one way or the other wether he did it or not.
This isn’t something that can be ignored and it shouldn’t be and while the incident itself that should have never happened brought light to a very serious situation that needs to be talked about with boys and girls of all ages it sickens me that still today people of all backgrounds will find exscuse upon exscuses to defend this man and paint the picture of it’s her fault she shouldn’t have (fill in blank). Wake up people this is 2009 this is not ok none of it.

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