Is this blog keeping me single?

by singlemomseeking on March 20, 2009

next-to-dr-phil-blog

I’ve asked myself this often: “Is this blog keeping me single?”

But I’ve kept that little worry myself.

Until now.

Recently, Jim — a charming, Jewish, divorced dad who often comments here — sent me an email, which made me look at this “single mom seeking” right in the mirror:

Rachel,

It has occurred to me that you may be violating one or more universal laws which prevent you from meeting that one special guy you claim to desire. Do you believe in the law of attraction and in universal laws in general (I’ll bet you do)?

Have you ever considered that your career and your life to a large extent is defined by being a single mom?

I am not saying that this is the reason you are still single, but it is definitely something to consider [for all I know there may be something seriously wrong with you… :) ]

But I doubt it.

Jim

You doubt it, Jim?

Well, you haven’t met me person yet, have you?

Seriously, by branding myself as a “single mom seeking,” have I doomed myself? I’d love to know how other single bloggers deal with this.

For instance, I recently chatted with Sasha Cagen – author and founder of the Quirkyalone movement —- about what it means to write so openly about being single.

“Sometimes I wonder if being the quirkyalone lady will prevent me from finding a partner,” Sasha wrote to me in an email recently.

“I wonder if the outspokenness on my blog intimidates men. Am I just too honest? Do I give off the impression that I am completely content with being single?”

We both agreed that we feel ambivalent. On one hand, this is where we try to write honestly about our lives and relationships. On the other hand, we fear that we might be compromising ourselves — or scaring off men?

I’d love to hear from readers: Do you think this blog is keeping me single?

And I’d be honored to hear from men and women who blog about being single.

Do you think that your blog is keeping you single?

Here’s just a handful of bloggers whose brains I’d love to pick about this one!

The Quest for T

Ms. Single Mama

Going Insane in a Crazy World

She Was Just a Wish

Depot Dad

47 and Starting Over

Better Now

BlueBella

Chicago Single Mom Examiner

QT Mama

Single Mom Says

Solo Mother

The Exception

And the rest of you, chime in!

~~~

Thanks to my friend Alan for taking this photo in Barnes and Noble!

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December 29, 2009 at 3:20 am

{ 43 comments… read them below or add one }

T March 23, 2009 at 11:54 am

I don’t think the blog is keeping you single but I can see the point of how we define ourselves. Believe me, I’ve thought of that myself.

With the online dating thing, I’ve wondered if I should tell these guys about the blog. I’ve read enough other blogs to answer that question with an emphatic NO!

But still, it is part of who I am. And frankly, I think I’m pretty fair to most anyone I blog about… from the ex to Soldier. Then again, that’s also how I try to live my life. I try not to “bad mouth” anyone (referring to your newest post). I try to follow my Four Agreements and remain “impeccable with my word”.

Well, ok, at least with the written word.

When I’m terribly angry, I do try to talk myself down or write unsent letters…

Sorry to digress. I think if someone is coming into your life, nothing you do or say can stop it from happening. Believe me, life has surprised me in many, many ways…

Hold your head high, beautiful. And let the world see you as Single Mom Seeking… but remember, that which you are seeking has been inside of YOU all along.

That kind of truth attracts the best most loving partner that you could ever dream of.

T´s last blog post…On love and dying

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Lance March 24, 2009 at 10:30 am

Actually, as a single dude, I find the blog and the honesty quite attractive. If we were in the same city, I’d definitely mack on you. I don’t believe the theory.

I think what’s keeping you single is the lack of opportunities. How often are you putting yourself in a position to meet cool, single guys, and what methods are you using? I believe 100% that meeting that special someone is a numbers game and hard work.

Lance´s last blog post…Give Freebies To Build Your Creative Portfolio

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SINgleGIRL March 24, 2009 at 10:48 am

I don’t believe that your identity as a single mom blogger is keeping you single, actually statements like that really get under my skin. There are probably a half a dozen reasons why you’re single right now, just like there are a half a dozen reasons why I am. That’s just the way things have worked out, for now.

I’m working hard to stay anonymous so that none of the guys I’m dating will find out about my blog. I’m looking forward to the day when there’s someone in my life that I think is special enough that I want to share it with him. I have it all planned out in my mind, how it’s going to go and how my blog might change afterwards. If it happens. And if it doesn’t, well, that’s OK too.

SINgleGIRL´s last blog post…You Are What You Drink

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El Guappa March 25, 2009 at 9:56 am

You know, I find the whole question troubling…”Do you think my blog is keeping me single?” Think about it, do married people with blogs ask if their blog is ‘keeping them married’?…Anyone worth spending time with, getting to know, cultivating a relationship would think that your blogging is outstanding and magnificent…Or, at the very least a positive and healthy creative channel. Anyone who doesn’t really isn’t someone you should bother allowing you to inspire the very question you have posed. BTW, what *did* inspire that question? You can’t be serious right? All of those “theories” are complete rubbish. Seriously.

El Guappa´s last blog post…Flashback Friday: Oh Wendy, O. Williams

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Lorna March 26, 2009 at 8:31 am

Your blog shows you as creative, open and witty- and those are qualities that shouldn’t keep you single for long :) This is pretty neat for self-discovery for dating :) http://www.youniverse.com/dating

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Honey April 6, 2009 at 3:59 pm

a) I agree with Lance, and b) Evan Marc Katz’s entire brand revolved around him being single, and he got married (and changed his brand) just fine.

Honey´s last blog post…Spring Chicken: Birthday Celebrations!

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Lisa December 19, 2009 at 4:31 pm

I think i would have phrased the question differently. I’ve met lots of single moms by choice whose whole life is defined by that one fact. They seek out others like themeslves to futher drive home that they are single moms.

For those of you who have or are making a living and even getting lots of attention from being single moms,what would your life be like if you were NO LONGER single? And does the thought of giving THAT up subconsciously cause you to sabotage potential partners or prevent you from even dating?

If things stay like they are then it’s easy breezy isn’t it?

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singlemomseeking December 19, 2009 at 6:55 pm

Good question @Lisa! What’s fascinating to me — as I know more and more single moms who enter long term relationships — is the fact that these women (many of them remarried) still consider themselves single moms in their souls. Maybe it will also be a part of your identity — but it doesn’t have to completely identify you?

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tjnett July 25, 2010 at 6:41 am

I think one angle to consider on this topic is how your career and life will change if you are no longer single. What does that do to your career if you meet someone and marry? Does it boost your career because you now are a success story of all that you stand for or do you loose credibility in the eyes of those who are single because you are not single? (Of course, you can probably control that information, somewhat, also.)

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DelaineM March 16, 2011 at 8:34 pm

Rachel, I often worry this same thing. My blog has certainly raised some men’s eyebrows and quite frankly, I think it has made some run away (screaming). I often won’t even bring up my blog or my upcoming book (Spring 2012, Seal Press) when I meet men cause it screams “google me!” And their first thought is commonly “I’m someone she’s going to write about.”

I experience bouts of concern over not only if my work is keeping me single, but stifling the next stage of growth of my spirit. That’s why I continue to challenge myself with other writing/video projects. And all the while I remind myself that the man who takes on me and my three in future will be one extra special man – he’ll ignore all the ‘other’ stuff and still diamond waiting to be plucked!

A kindred spirit,
Delaine

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