Remember when I wrote about surprising that guy with a piece of chocolate cake on his doorstep, and then wondering why he hadn’t asked me out for a second date?
Well, a reader named Bonnie — a single mom who has since remarried a single dad — responded with a very frank comment:
“The man who will be worth your time – and sharing cake with — will pick up the phone. No text, no email,” she wrote. “Or, he will just come over to see you because he will put you at the top of the list.”
“Take this from a gal who always got the call or visit from a very busy attorney… Your time, love and energy are precious gifts, so don’t ever waste them waiting or fretting over a guy who didn’t call and ask you to come over and share that slice with him.”
Then Bonnie went onto suggest that I write my next post “on expectations for love. How do you want to be treated in your next relationship? What do you deserve?”
Yes, what do you deserve?
When I wrote about The Man I Hope to Love (thanks to T!), I hinted at what I deserve:
A man who will help me carry my heavy baggage — I’ll help him carry his.
A man who gets my dry sense of humor.
A man who holds my hand, not just physically….
This week, Terry at Happy Girl Musing offers similar advice:
“Knowing what type of man you want makes you more apt to recognize him when he floats into your airspace,” she writes. “And, believe it or not, it helps you to attract him.”
“In your mind, feel him, see him, hear him, taste him, smell him. How do you spend your time together? For example, what’s a Wednesday like?
“You should make a point of bringing this guy to life in your imagination twice a day, preferably before you get out of bed in the morning and just before you drop off to sleep at night. You’ll notice that, after a while, additional details will start to fill themselves in.”
Which brings me to the question: What do YOU deserve?
The next time you’re getting out of bed — or getting under the covers — imagine one detail about the future man — or woman — in your life.
C’mon now, think about just one thing that you deserve.
Mine is easy: he will make me coffee in the morning. Yes, it’s that simple — and generous.
Now, let’s hear yours.
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Read the book! Single Mom Seeking is a tell-all about how to date and remain a dedicated and involved parent. It’s a spunky, sexy, and moving chronicle of the humor, pitfalls, and rewards of balancing it all — single-mom style. |
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I really enjoyed reading this post. Now that I’m currently in a great relationship,I realize that I’m actually treating him the way I want to be treated. I’m not playing any games, I’m very honest about my feelings and in turn, I feel like he’s honest with his.
from the desk of…me´s last blog post…The Innocence of Childhood
From the desk: it’s always so good to hear from someone who’s in a relationship that’s genuine and honest… and it’s going well!!
I swear I am amazed each time that something is on my mind and then I see you post about it. I had been working up something in my head about this very same thing. Amazing.
Although I have a lengthy list and other more important things – one simple thing that I would like and I think I deserve is that he would want to read things that I write.
Amy´s last blog post…Journal 125: March 2009 Going to California
Wow, Amy, this one made me a bit emotional: “he would want to read things that I write.”
That’s big. Love it.
This is simple; I want a man who loves to make me happy.
MindyMom´s last blog post…Thank God It’s Friday!
Short, sweet, and simple Mindy Mom!
One thing?
Well I am now sort of seeing someone who treats me with more respect than I every imagined anyone could and we went to a barbeque on Fri night – he filled my glass up without me having to ask/beg/bribe – he just did it!
Sounds silly – but no one has every done that for me before!
Laura´s last blog post…Sunday Stuff
Knowing what you deserve and believing you can #1 find it and #2 shouldn’t settle for anything less are huge life lessons. I’m at the point in my life where I don’t bide my time with someone waiting for Mr. Rightstein to come along. I’d rather just focus on other things like my kids and writing.
Amy Sue Nathan´s last blog post…Casey Anthony should have asked for help
This is a good idea. I think I may make a list too! Sometimes I think it’s very easy to settle for less than we deserve when we don’t have a clear idea in our minds as to what we want and what we DO deserve.
People these days are too quick to settle, I think. There is such a fear of starting over or being alone. What I have found is that being single really isn’t that bad! I would much rather be single than be with the wrong person again.
Great post.
Janet´s last blog post…To text, or not to text–
The 1 thing is appreciation of all my quirks.
The Love Languages by Chapman is a book to help clarify many things when it comes to love. It is biblically rooted however if you read it and disregard the biblical it still is an amazing book.
I have read the one for singles and for teens. It did a wealth for my relationship with my DD.
I’m dumbfounded that anyone could consider not pursuing a relationship that involved the provision of delicious cake.
casualencounters.com/blog/´s last blog post…Casual Encounters Web TV Show, Episode 7
Besides the obvious ones like honesty, respect,communication and acceptance of my kids … I want him to like that I am crafty and appreciates my sewing.
Shannon´s last blog post…Not sure what to do …
Such simple question but would obviously answer a lot of stuff that goes on. I had spent 24 years of life with my then ex husband. Not all were bad memories but they really stick in my head. And so, I decided that I will not take that kind of crap anymore for any other relationships that I would have. 3 relationships after and much learning curve took place, I finally found the man that I wanted to really be with. He treats me with much respect, always thinking ahead and all the little things that I never had previously.
Hanie´s last blog post…Baggages From Past Life
I want a man who thinks that a night out (or, hell, a night in) dancing with me sounds like a wonderful idea.
PT-LawMom´s last blog post…Pull Up a Chair (Reader Survey)
Another deceptively complicated question here. What I deserve and what I got in my relationship with my spouse are pretty much 2 separate things. The only thing that I truly desire if we could manage it is a clone or 2 of her to manage the time better. There’s just so little to go around sometimes. And when I mention this, her response is to sniff, ‘Now why on earth would you want another clone?’ Go figure.
But as always, ‘Humans plan & G_d laughs’. What we often imagine we desire, as far as education, wealth, possessions or accomplishments in a potential mate are often not what we truly need, or what might ‘suffice’ just fine. No one’s life is perfect. Few are very perfectible given the circumstances, especially the severe economic ones today.
And despite being happily married probably longer than Amy’s been drinking, we still do not often or willingly ‘want to read things that I [the other spouse] write[s].’ Not for much more than proofing, and only if necessary. That’s not just love, that’s respect too! To each his & her own. Cheers & Good Luck, ‘VJ’
I want to be wanted. Hmmm to be wanted again.
Very simply put, I want someone to treat me as he wants to be treated. I definitely deserve it after my disastrous marriage, and now I am not willing to go out of my way to make someone happy unless I’ve experienced that he’s doing that for me, on a continual basis.
Can a guy chime in on this one?
First off Rachel, I love this line you wrote “A man who holds my hand, not just physically….” Those are some powerful words.
I was once driving on a beautiful afternoon looking at the mountains and these words entered my mind.
Whisper to my heart, without saying a word.
I think a lot of what we want/need doesn’t come in the form of tangible actions. Hmm, ok, am I getting way to deep here?
Bill, of course a guy can chime in! Single moms, don’t we love to hear how guys think/feel?
Wow, not too deep at all. “Whisper to my heart, without saying a word.” Love it.
He will get me, and not use what he gets against me.
April´s last blog post…Weekend Wrap-Up
The respect of having my opinion heard and acknowledged, rather than discarded.
I want a man to treat me at least as good as I treat myself.
T´s last blog post…You’re gonna find yourself somewhere, somehow
My girlfriend doesn’t drink coffee. You just reminded me how nice it is to get up in the morning and pour 2 cups of coffee, remembering exactly the way someone else takes it.
What she does do is appreciate and love me for being me. I don’t have to try to be someone else and for that she has my heart.
SDMktg´s last blog post…Steak Kabobs with Fire Brand Original Steak Sauce marinade & New Belgium 1554
Delicious cake. Delicious, delicious cake. In abundance, unfettered by obstacle, all for me.
casualencounters.com/blog/´s last blog post…Casual Encounters Web TV Show, Episode 7
I totally love April’s response…thanks for saying it for me
In the words of John Mayer:
“I survive on the breath you are finished with”
THAT’S the quality I want in a guy.
Nappy Kitchen´s last blog post…Gravatars
Oh Rachel! What a surprise to see your post! Guns found it when were on the train on our morning commute. He is a total addict now, but refuses to ever comment. You add substance our morning train chats. thanks! Make your lists ladies and gents and keep your eyes open. If they are down you might just miss the fella on the train that will whisper to your heart and opinions in your ear, knows how you take your coffee ‘n pancakes, what section of the paper you want first, gives you nice back rubs while watching his hockey game together and always comes home with enough cake for the whole family. Guns has a dangerous sweet tooth problem.
Never compromise how you should be treated, what you truly want and what you deserve. EVER. Remarriage and merging families involves compromises and complexities that are hard to imagine until living them.. Sharing some things is hard, but not cake! I mean if a man doesn’t thank you for cake and want to share it . . . ugh . . . imagine how bad the sex would be . . . blech.
Bonnie!! I’m so sorry that I didn’t email you to give you the head’s up that you’d inspired me. Thank goodness for that Guns! Please thank him for reading the blog on the train… and please give that man plenty of sweets tonight!
Wow! I just finished writing about love! Bonnie hit the nail on the head and so did you when you listed all of the things that he should do to make you feel the way that you want.
Crystal Monae´s last blog post…L – O – V – E