Comments on: Blogging about your ex

By: Rocket

Rocket — Tue, 05 May 2009 20:30:47 +0000

I am now more confused than ever about this business of badmouthing exes. All the advice is don’t – because it harms the kids.

But, it is really difficult not to badmouth when an ex has behaved like an animal.

It is only now, thirteen years after my ex-wife running off with what she imagined was a more attractive prospect ( more money I think) that I realise she completely destroyed my life.

I don’t just mean that figuratively. I met her in 1977 and married her in 1978 and she finally flounced out in 1996- that’s nineteen years ! Plus, strange consequences over the last thirteen years have been hell too; and that couldn’t have happened if she hadn’t wrecked the family in 1996.

My goals in life were to earn a decent living to support the family comfortably and to build a close family life in a decent home.

She trashed the lot by her unwillingness to contribute anything at all to these goals.

And, the extra-ordinary nastiness she directed at me and her stated aim of alienating both my daughters has been incredible. She has actually succeeded with our eldest daughter who now is completely ‘brainwashed’ into a totally false belief system and has nothing to do with me. Putting that in perspective, the youngest daughter thinks her sister is bonkers.

So, how do I try and sort out my eldest daughter without badmouthing ?

It’s really vile, the whole thing.

Rocket´s last blog post…VERY BIG TERROR PLOT NOT VERY BIG OR TERRIFYING OR A PLOT, ADMIT POLICE

By: Hanie

Hanie — Thu, 26 Mar 2009 06:10:07 +0000

Rachel, I will call a spade by exactly that, a spade. I have no qualm in bashing and venting my anger and disappointment in my blog as it is an outlet to do exactly that. Would I worry about my daughter finding out? Nope. She was 16 when he left her. She is 18 now. She is big enough to learn how she is being treated by my ex and his family. She doesnt have to read my blog to know how it feels to be left behind. Hanie´s last blog post...What’s Hot, What’s Not Part 1

By: BlueBella

BlueBella — Wed, 25 Mar 2009 02:59:56 +0000

My blog is my place to vent, say what I want and go where my IRL self can't let herself go. . .and sometimes bashing my exes is part of that. It's a much better outlet than lashing out in person, though many of my friends read my blog so they get a pulse check on what's really going on in my head sometimes. I am annonymous, too, for many of these reasons. Give yourself a break, Rachel, and don't be afraid of occasionally hurting someone by telling the truth of what's in your heart. It can be hard to grow when we're sheltered from the way we truly affect people. And if someone doesn't like what you have to say, well, then they can just stop coming here! BlueBella´s last blog post...Exorcism

By: Crystal Monae

Crystal Monae — Wed, 25 Mar 2009 02:56:02 +0000

I will not do it because it is not fair to use his life as an example publicly. In my opinion that is slightly vindictive even if it is the truth. However, if I had an anonymous blog, I would bash him to no end! Crystal Monae´s last blog post...Mixology

By: Alicia

Alicia — Wed, 25 Mar 2009 01:32:56 +0000

Lord knows, we all want to protect our kids, and keep them from harm emotionally. However, I think “Paige” summed up my sentiments exactly. We all have different stories about how we got here (single parent status). But for some of us, the old adage “if you can’t say something nice, it’s best not to say anything at all”, is just the best way.

By: avigail74

avigail74 — Wed, 25 Mar 2009 00:16:25 +0000

It’s very, very hard not to say bad things about your ex—especially when a child tells her father on the phone, “Daddy, why didn’t you call me back when I called you?” or, “I got gifts from everyone except my dad…” I think it pains her too much to talk about—so, for her sake, I try very unnaturally hard to grit my teeth and stay quiet.

Someone in her family (actually ex-wife #1) mailed her a letter saying that a fairy from Colorado told the San Francisco library about your feelings—the letter went on to say that some people have a different way of loving and showing it—but her daddy has a very hard time showing but does love her…and reminded that there are others who love her in all levels.

I know this is lengthy but it’s touching me in a deep place—I will NEVER say that her father loves her very much–I will NEVER cover up for her father–and I will ALWAYS tell the truth without being harsh. I would also encourage her to ask her father about me as well.

By: jeanie

jeanie — Tue, 24 Mar 2009 23:13:28 +0000

I have a different experience (don't we all) and so when I blog about my ex, it is more from the perspective of working out his illness and the changes it made. jeanie´s last blog post...Finally....

By: Shannon

Shannon — Tue, 24 Mar 2009 17:28:30 +0000

Excellent post. I don’t “bash” B’s father. By no means do I let anyone else do it either. I’m a joker by nature, and I never say anything that I wouldn’t say right TO her dad. I actually defend him when she says things about him that I feel are a bit unfair. I want her to have a Daddy, and he is present physically in her life. I have told her she is incredibly lucky in this way and that her Daddy and I had a very big love, that made a very special little girl. It has taken us a great number of years to get to where we are now…but we can all be together and enjoy a conversation now. And the bitterness and hurt does subside a little with time. None of us have wished for this…but least of all the little people. Let them have their ideas of parents…and foster that.

By: Legal Editor Mom

Legal Editor Mom — Tue, 24 Mar 2009 12:40:41 +0000

I have a blog that isn’t currently active for a number of reasons, but the main one is that my ex does not deserve the privilege of knowing what’s going on in my life.

Still, Rachel, I give you a lot of credit for being so open and honest about your relationship with M’s father, and I can honestly say in the years I’ve followed your blog, you never outright “bashed” him. You simply shared what happened along with how you felt, and I can totally see where it would be therapeutic to receive feedback and also learn that so many other single parents have had similar experiences. For me, it was a comforting thing to learn, and helped tremendously in my healing process.

As many have mentioned, a journal is a safer and more private means of expressing the raw emotion that comes with the pain and hurt, and is a better avenue if children are involved and you’re concerned about them ever reading what you’ve written.

But keep doing what you do, and know that you have many followers, friends, and admirers.

By: Melifera

Melifera — Tue, 24 Mar 2009 10:48:15 +0000

I had never written publicly about my kid’s dad (just in passing, more more to get across the point that once upon a time she had one), but this changed yesterday after reading the posting ‘Blogging about your ex’. It’s easier, sometimes, to write something difficult than to talk about it. At times, the lack of any visible audience makes it feel as though blogging were journaling. There certainly is a fine line one needs to consider when writing about other people, particularly when the things being written are not positive… Yet I agree with a comment written near the top of your posting: “Calling a man a deadbeat dad, if in fact he is one, is not badmouthing.” You can read my response here: http://meliferasmusings.blogspot.com/2009/03/internet-etiquette-concerning-writing.html

Melifera´s last blog post…Anevay’s pretty spin-dance