I just got off the phone with my daughter’s father.
In the past couple of years, he has commented here a few times — which is how I figured out that he occasionally reads my blog. After reading about the cyst on my ovary, he emailed me this morning and asked if he could call.
It was a short, 15-minute chat — but it was probably the first, real adult (and sober) conversation we’ve had since he left eight years ago.
After I got off the phone, I thought about everything I’d love to say online here — in public. Although much of the pain and hurt is gone — time does have a way of healing, doesn’t it? — there will always be a deep thread of disappointment.
But I won’t open those old wounds here, where others might read it…
Especially after Dr. Leah and I recently posted about why bad-mouthing fathers online is destructive.
While everyone at Singlemommyhood seems to agree that bashing your ex – whether online or in person about — is unhealthy, I’ve been caught off guard by some of your responses.
Wondermom, for example, says that she feels torn about blogging about her ex.
“If my children find my blog someday, I will have some serious explaining to do,” she commented. “It is something that I have thought about.”
However, Wondermom — who blogs anonymously — adds a great point:
“Blogging gives me an outlet to vent those frustrations and let go of them (as much as possible anyway). It’s better than keeping them inside and letting them fester — which the children would definitely know. I could journal, but a written journal kept in my house would be more likely to be discovered by the kids than my blog (at least at this point).”
Single Mom Says agrees. In fact, she says that our post got her blood boiling.
“Calling a man a deadbeat dad, if in fact he is one, is not badmouthing,” writes Single Mom Says.
“It’s a term used to describe the type a man and father he is…. Only he is responsible for his actions, and if he doesn’t like how he is being portrayed, then maybe he should change what he does and says — instead of trying to use our words against us to make himself look better.”
I’d love to continue the conversation over at Singlemommyhood. Let’s hear what you think.
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