PT-LawMom´s last blog post…More Like It

I have turned down many social invites because it was my night with the kids and I felt like I should spend my time with them. 4 nights a week with them just goes by so fast. I could have them with me even more but then that would be less time they’d get to spend with their mom and they love her.

Conflicted? Yes…every day.

SDMktg´s last blog post…Healthy Grilled Hot Wings

C’mon he believes in casual sex, one night stands, and using single parenting as an alibi for booty calls….yet believes he is in a place to judge….I’d never date him ’cause he certainly does not meet my standards and I hazard to guess he has male/female double standards.

MindyMom´s last blog post…Conflict

What kind of genuine apology is this: “for any distress I may have caused.” How about an apology for what you DID indeed do, not what you “may have” done.

Also the amount of shameless self promotion within the apology itself is unimaginable to me, except that it serves to feed the writer’s ego. Come on…eight, count em…eight links to previously posted pieces in what is wrapped in to look like a sincere apology?!

This is sadly still not about your feelings Rachel. It is about David and his ego. It appears to me he is struggling to remain “it.”

I wrote to you this morning, privately. All I said was “sorry that today is likely to hurt.” I didn’t need to toot my own horn. I didn’t need to direct you here or there to read more of what I wrote or indulge me any other way.

I only point it out now as a contrast to illustrate sincerity and authenticity.

This is what is on my mind. I am glad you opened the door and gave me an outlet to express myself in a safe place. Thank you Rachel.

In the words of my late daughter:
“Breathe in the light, and blow out the darkness.”

won´s last blog post…Oh Brother…

Unfortunately, he implied — more than once in his post — that I’m a horrible, irresponsible mother. He went right for any mother’s most vulnerable vein, and directed his judgment right at me. Why? I don’t know.

This is direct from his post: You jeopardized “your child’s physical, emotional, or mental health simply to quench your own fleeting desire for sex, that to me is irresponsible parenting. And pretty darn selfish.”

That’s more than “obliviousness.” It’s just unfortunate.

So, direct from VJ, by way of email, here you go:

“Again, it seems to me that it all comes down to the central issue of Cluck! Cluck!, Them Single Moms are having SEX while their children are still in the house! OMG! How Dare they! Don’t they know the potential damage they might cause to their child’s precious precocious sense of self, sexual identity or personality development?!

Can we have a show of hands of the experts in developmental psychology here? OK now let’s think through this logically.

Some claim that a.) when you become a mother, you ipso facto are somehow judged to be less sexual By Others and hence Less needy yourself. b.) Others will claim (or imply) that while feeling sexual urges while a Single mom, you should certainly Hide them (well!) from your kids or otherwise be in more of a traditional LTR with your paramour or be automatically Judged some sort of deranged & dangerous slut. (Paraphrasing some of the more dramatic comments here & elsewhere).

This then also falls under the rubric of the dreaded double standard for moms, single moms, and even single women too, BTW.

No one is ever allowed to fully express their sexuality as a mom, or especially a Single mom, for the Shame of it all?! Or what? I really don’t know. Must disturb ‘the force’ somehow, right? Upsetting to the patriarchy? Always! Do we know for certain it’s harmful to children in general? When & how? What are the causes, and how is this manifested, expressed or commonly seen in later life?

Is the loving expression of consensual adult erotic attention & activity so upsetting to others? Why & when? Why is there no similar concern or outrage over the much more common scenes of violence & abuse in many families? (Even the ‘intact’ and surviving & functional ones?) We well know that dynamic can often be demonstrably harmful to children. Mom sharing a snuggle or even a snog, seen in perhaps fleeting glances, if at all? Probably not too much.

So evidently if you actually enjoy sex, somehow you always must be ready to be judged by others, and be especially found wanting if you’ve got kids. So the fact that humans have an extended childhood, (especially with regards to modern societies), is automatically counted against the women. After all, they’re most often the custodial parent, and if they have more than 1 kid, that can easily mean a self imposed sentence of like 20 years of little or no active sex life.

Now then, a show of hands for those of whom this is a completely acceptable state of affairs? Certainly not for the single dads, who like to remind us that they too enjoy ‘quickies’ with yes, ‘relative strangers’ and yes, even ‘picking up the babes’ while out with their kids.

Umm please tell me how all this is seen as perfectly fine for the dads to enjoy, but for the moms? Catastrophic! The cause of 100s of judgmental responses admonishing those hussies to ‘keep it in their pants’. And certainly from men & women alike. That’s what I always enjoy. Shades of the never to be forgotten facets of the worst aspects 19th century morality tales.

Did I say 19th c.? ‘The Scarlet Letter’ was an 18th century morality tale about single motherhood, written & recalled in the 19th. Recall that she too (Hester) was condemned to a sexless life as a single mom. Something’s never change evidently.

Grow up people. This is the 21st century. Single moms have & need adult relationships. And not just with their miserable ex’s either. Or their supportive but busy GF’s & family. They need & deserve adult companionship, and yes even Sex with other consenting adults sometime before the little ones are seen off to college, some decades hence. Is this so difficult to understand or cope with?

Even for P. Trunk too? Why do we constantly feel the need to call out women & single moms especially and somehow declare, ‘there, That Brazen Careerist’, she’s just beyond the pale!’? I really just do not understand it. Not now, not ever.

And yeah, I’m a married traditionalist too.”

April´s last blog post…Education Rant March 2009

I just don’t think men have that same experience. Once women become mothers, we can’t escape it.

As for what Dads wrote, his message — about bringing dates home, etc. — got obscured by a clumsy, misguided presentation and thus the focus on the messenger. I don’t think it was out of vindictiveness, maybe just obliviousness. This is, however, the danger of being “us” on the Internet. hugs to you

Kat Wilder´s last blog post…Sometimes pleasure isn’t so pretty

Well I’ve not been able to read all the applicable comments in the cited posts, but I’ve read the posts in question (DH). A few things do stand out. While not as boneheaded as say the Pope forgiving Nazi loving heretic Bishops, it’s not at all clear what the central point was behind the post (DH’s).

Again, it seems to me that it all comes down to the central issue of Cluck! Cluck!, Them Single Moms are having SEX while their children are still in the house! OMG! How Dare they! Don’t they know the potential damage they might cause to their child’s precious precocious sense of self, sexual identity or personality development?!

Can we have a show of hands of the experts in developmental psychology here? OK now let’s think through this logically.

Some claim that a.) when you become a mother, you ipso facto are somehow Judged to be Less sexual By Others and hence Less needy yourself. b.) Others will claim (or imply) that while feeling sexual urges while a Single mom, you should certainly Hide them (well!) from your kids or otherwise be in more of a traditional LTR with your paramour or be automatically Judged some sort of deranged & dangerous slut. (Paraphrasing some of the more crazed comments here & elsewhere).

This then also falls under the rubric of the dreaded double standard for moms, single moms, and even single women too, BTW. No one is ever allowed to fully express their sexuality as a mom, or especially a Single mom, for the Shame of it all?! Or what? I really don’t know. Must disturb ‘the force’ somehow, right? Upsetting to the patriarchy? Always!

So if you actually enjoy sex, somehow you always must be ready to be judged by others, and be especially found wanting if you’ve got kids. So the fact that humans have an extended childhood, (especially with regards to modern societies), is automatically counted against the women. After all, they’re most often the custodial parent, and if they have more than 1 kid, that can easily mean a self imposed sentence of like 20 years of little or no active sex life.

Now then, a show of hands for those of whom this is a completely acceptable state of affairs? Certainly not for the single dads, who like to remind us that they too enjoy ‘quickies’ with yes, ‘relative strangers’ and yes, even ‘picking up the babes’ (flirting, DH) while out with their kids. Umm please tell me how all this is seen as perfectly fine for the dads to enjoy, but for the moms? Catastrophic! The cause of 100′s of judgmental responses admonishing every last one of those hussies to ‘keep it in their pants’. And certainly from men & women alike. That’s what I always enjoy. Shades of the never to be forgotten facets of the worst aspects 19th century morality tales. Did I say 19th c.? ‘The Scarlet Letter’ was an 18th century morality tale about single motherhood, written & recalled in the 19th. Recall that she too (Hester) was condemned to a sexless life as a single mom. Something’s never change evidently.

Grow up people. This is the 21st century. Single moms have & need adult relationships. And not just with their miserable ex’s either. Or their supportive but busy GF’s & family. They need & deserve adult companionship, and yes even Sex with other consenting adults sometime before the little ones are seen off to college, some decades hence. Is this so difficult to understand or cope with? Even for P. Trunk too? Why do we constantly feel the need to call out women & single moms especially and somehow declare, ‘there, That Brazen Careerist’, she’s just beyond the pale!’? I really just do not understand it. Not now, not ever.

So that’s more than my 2 cents on it. (The link is to a longer discussion on the same theme @ the BabyCenter.com blog) Cheers, ‘VJ’

VJ´s last blog post…Everybody hates Chris